– Here’s the thing with me.
When comics go after other comics…
– Yeah. – You’re only hurting yourself.
– I know, but I don’t know what to do
about Judy Gold. It’s such
a weird position, dude. – Huh?
– It’s such a weird position. Judy Gold, that’s such a weird–
I so fucking disagree with her. Jesus Christ.
And I like Judy. – I better leave because I don’t
want these guys to think– – Yeah, you’re gettin’ it in.
– Honestly I came in to charge my phone.
– Gotcha. – We’re gonna go back
to watching old men telling us to– yeah. – If you wanna drive
Bobby nuts… – Mm-hmm?
– I can’t do it. Bring up VosRoast.com.
– All right. – Okay.
– You’ll really drive him nuts. – You got it.
– VosRoast.com? – Yeah, but just say–
I can’t do it. Say, what do you wanna plug,
Rich? You wanna plug? Like or whatever.
Because he– – I’m gonna say that they–
oh, I know. I’ll get it. I got ya.
– You’ll think of something, but I didn’t say it.
I’m out. – All right.
– Rich Vos, everybody. – Rich Vos.
That didn’t happen. – That didn’t even happen
right now. – It didn’t happen.
Don’t snitch on Rich. – Completely nothingness.
– Don’t snitch on Rich. – All right, where we were.
We found the yin. – We were talking about giving
old men big ol’ dicks. – We are joined in studio,
we have a gaggle of us in here right now. It is, from the Kreeps with Kids
tour, Robert Kelly, Ron Bennington, Rich Vos,
Jim Florentine. – We got the whole tour, dude. – The whole band is here,
everyone. And of course it starts
October 18th with the first shows
in Redding, Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, Huntington,
Long Island, and Boston. Go to KreepsWithKids–
with a K– KreepsWithKids.com for tickets
and all the tour dates. What’s up, guys?
– Hey, can we spend a minute just talking about antiquing? I think it’s fun to go out there
in the world. You’re looking for old things.
– I love doin’ it. – ‘Cause every piece you look at
has a story. It has a history.
– Ron, I know we’re doing some high-octane radio,
but I wanna talk to you about my banana bread recipe.
– Mmm! – And what it is,
it’s six simple parts into one awesome thing.
– I know you guys are into this right now, but do you know
how soft a bernedoodle is? I mean, the softest animal
on the Earth. It’s a live teddy bear.
– Oh, I love it. I wanna hug ’em.
– Have you ever been to the antique stores outside
of New Hope and Lambertville? Unbelievable.
They’re just unbelievable. I could go in there, or–
– Dude, I’m pretty sure, what you’re saying right now,
my mom could masturbate to. I’m pretty sure if my mom
listened to the radio show right now, she’d be like,
keep going, Rich. – Rich is going there to get
his childhood bike back. – Yeah, he got his
Bruce Lee shirt there. So it’s, uh,
that’s from the ’70s. – Well, I can’t really wear
an antique– I mean, Bruce Lee is from,
you know, back then. But you know, I used to,
when I had bad anxiety, I would go to garage sales
and buy old furniture and redo ’em in my living room.
I would strip ’em down. – What?
– I’d varnish ’em and– I swear to God.
– Is that ’cause you couldn’t sleep with the meth?
– I couldn’t, no, I had anxiety. – I’m gonna reupholster
a fucking couch, man. There’s gotta be a yard sale
in this town somewhere. – No one knows Rich had
a productive crack habit. – Ooh, man, I am ready
to fucking upholster! – He goes, hey, that,
uh, that armoire, that armoire,
you mind if I sand that down? – Let me ask you, is that
a credenza from the ’50s? Let me take that.
– Is that when you were high or when you weren’t high?
– No, I was sober, but that’s when
I had bad anxiety. When I turned 40,
I was living in some apartment. Just story real quick.
I was living with my wife– – Wait, real quick, is this the
garage sale that you returned something, you bought something
at the garage sale and then you brought it back?
– No, I got a better deal somewhere else.
– Real quick, what year was this?
– No, I don’t know. – High Rich took a whole new
take on getting shellacked. – I was sitting with my wife,
my ex-wife, in our place, and I had these pictures
of ships. I go, someday, I’ll have my own
place for my own pictures. And then one day,
I was sitting in my place, looking at my ships, crying,
because I had nothing else. – Jesus Christ.
(laughter) Jesus H.
– You only had– wait. ‘Cause you only had
pictures of ships? – And some old garage sale
couches and shit. And I’m crying.
And then my anxiety kicked in really bad at 40,
so I couldn’t sleep, so I would just go
and buy old furniture and then remodel it. – Why don’t you just do what
Norton did and get a hooker, and have somebody shit
on your chest? – Dude, I love that.
– Everyone’s got their thing, right?
– Yeah. – Rich’s secret lives.
I didn’t know about these. – Oh, I had some nice ones.
I still have it. One, my– I don’t know
what they call it, but you put it in the living
room, with doors and drawers, and you put pictures on it.
– It’s a credenza. – Whatever.
– You asked me and I just told you.
– That’s a flower, you fucking idiot.
– What? No. A credenza is a– You said,
I don’t know what you call it, I told you,
and then you yell at me. – Okay, I’m sorry.
But I have one. I’ll take a picture.
Next time I come in, I’ll show how–
– Of what? What are you taking
a picture of? – Of the piece of furniture.
– What is it though? What’s the name of it?
– A credenza. – Yes!
– Is that what it’s called? – Can somebody bring up credenza
for this dumb-dumb? – Yeah. Oh, no! – What do mean, no?
– No, no. – They didn’t bring up
the exact one. – No, no.
– An armoire? – No!
– That’s– no. – That’s not what
you’re talking about? – Mine has doors on each side
and two drawers in the middle. – Well, we ain’t gonna find
yours exactly. But I mean–
– But I can’t find yours! – That’s the idea
of what it is. He goes, I got a car.
He goes, like this? And he goes, no,
that’s a Mercedes. I mean like a Buick. What is that?
What is that thing? A Mercedes? Is that a car?
– That’s a credenza with a hutch on top. I was lonely too, Rich. (laughter)
– A wall unit. – I have two.
I have two 1950’s lounges that I found in the trash
and redid last year. – My kid like goes–
Well, she seen that in the trash and go, oh, Mommy, Daddy’s
gonna get that tonight. And I got this old,
old bubblegum machine. Like it’s a real old one,
antique, but they won’t let me– – From your childhood?
– No, from the garbage. The people were putting it out
by the dumpsters where we live. – Wait, so you’re saying
you go dumpster diving now? – No, they’re outside
of the dumpster. People put their furniture
and shit there. – Are you a human raccoon? – Uh, you can’t say that.
– Yeah. Canceled! Canceled!
Dan Soder canceled! He called Rich Vos a raccoon.
– Me and Rich came up with a great new way
to do “make me laugh.” – Yeah.
– We were doing it at lunch today, where the
final round is where you get– you get a lesbian social justice
warrior named Rainbow… – That’s lived in a tree
for a year. – …who lived in a tree
for a year, and you have to make her laugh
only using the N-word… – And killing a whale.
– …the F-word, while eating whale sushi.
That’s the only way you have to make her laugh,
doing that. – Throwing straws in the ocean.
– Yeah. – No, you have to– one was
you had to use a straw through a turtle’s nose
and drink a whole Sprite and make her laugh. – Make me laugh!
– Make me laugh. – Dude…
– Oh, we were crying. It was so funny.
He was so funny. – Then he made me pay.
– He made you pay? – Then he made you pay
for lunch? – He made me pay for fucking
lunch, but he fucked me. – I didn’t.
– What do you mean, he fucked you?
– Literally. – Maybe that’s what
you paid for. – He fucked me in the back
and then made me pay for lunch. – He’s like, all right, now,
pay for lunch. – Could you imagine
walking in and Vos just plowing me from the back?
Me going, dad, dad! – Dad, finish! Finish, Dad!
– Not one person would be shocked
if that happened. There wouldn’t be
a single person who– – Even the gay people I know,
I can’t picture them doing gay sex.
It’s always weird. – What?
– Is that right? – The gay people I know,
I couldn’t picture like Wayne and Ray just like, all right, let’s do it,
and then just like licking a palm and slide it up
his ass crack. Like, fire away, pal.
– Yeah, but that couple is not a couple you could
picture anyhow. – All I think about is
Matteo Lane having sex. – Just gettin’–
I can’t picture it. – And he’s never been a top.
– Ever? – He’s 100% bottom.
He said it’s too much pressure to be a top.
– Jesus Christ. It is a lot of pressure.
– I feel like the pressure– Yeah, I feel like
the feeling of pressure would be happening
on the bottom. – Yeah, I know.
I’d rather be a top. – Yeah, totally.
– I mean, if I’m a top, then there’s a lot of pressure
on the bottom. Both. – Can I be top
from the bottom? – Yeah, that’s–
you’re a power bottom. – Me and you would have
the side. – Oh, yeah.
He goes, sorry, honey. I’m not looking
for a side bear. – Something tells me, Bobby,
me and you trying to side fuck, our dicks would never reach
the other guy’s butt. – It would be so frustrating.
– Why don’t we just go to Equinox right now
and see if we can try it out? – Christine used to tell me
she likes morning side fucking. And then me,
finally being frustrated, goes, doesn’t work this way for me!
I hate it! I had to say that one day.
– Well, side, you mean going in from behind on the side?
– It’s just, yeah, laying on your side– it’s just there’s
too much other stuff happening. – You need a big– first of all,
you can’t have a gut. And you need a big piece
if you do have a gut. – Yeah, or you can’t go– the
sexy way is to go chest to back. Now I can do it,
but now I gotta like get almost like T-boned now.
– Messy. – And I’m still– I have to put
my one fat ham hock leg up in the air to get my balls room
to fall out so I have enough dick
to even make the hole. It’s a thing.
It’s like IKEA instructions. – Yeah, you’re gonna risk a fart
from that fucking place too. – And I won’t.
And I’d rather not. – I ain’t gonna flop out
every second. Sorry, let me get it.
I got it. No, just let me–
One time, I got it. – When my baby was 3 months old
or something, and they sleep in the bassinet?
– How we goin’ from this to that?
– I’m gonna tell you about a fucking story.
– It ties in, it ties in. – I don’t wanna hear it.
– Let’s just give the plug first before he does this.
KreepsWithKids.com. – It’s a good story!
– No, go ahead, tell your story about your 3-year-old.
– Did you refinish her crib too? – No, no, but let me tell you.
Kids “R” Us. You can use that stuff
for five months, and return it, go, eh, doesn’t work,
once they grow out of it. – A crib?
– No, not a crib, but the swing and stuff.
– No wonder they’re out of business now.
– Yeah, I know. – The Vos family took ’em out.
– Crib death. Do I get any money
back for this? – I was– I was having sex
with my wife. We’re trying to look
at a porn at one time, and-and-and I got one of those
little vibrator things, the eggs…
– Mm-hmm. – …and I’m trying
to hold that and do sex as I’m shaking the bassinet
to keep the baby from crying. – Aww.
– Swear to God. And it was fucking amazing.
– Technically, that’s a threesome.
– Eww! – ‘Cause you were holdin’
the bassinet. – I can’t believe that happens.
– No, I wasn’t touching the baby, the bassinet.
– Yeah, but you’re close enough. She was in the room, close.
– Really wish there was a different name.
– Then you went into the living room and cried at
a picture of ships on the wall. I got nothin’.
– I really cried. – When he finishes, he just goes
and sits and looks at ships. Are you looking
at your ships again? – My wife made me take–
I had a ship above our bed on rocky waters.
She made me take it down. – Why do you have
old pictures of ships? – Yeah.
– I love ships. I got some nice ones at home. I mean, beautiful.
– You ever go out on ’em? Do you ever go out on a ship?
– Oh, I get boat sick. – Okay.
– No way. – So nice to look at.
– In a few years, he’s gonna have to. (laughter) – Go out on you?
Oh, that’s funny. I like that. That was good.
– Oh, thanks. I got it from the other guys
laughing too though. – Yeah. Dude, Rich’s fascination with
ships and redoing furniture. – You have a side to you
I didn’t know. – Yeah, look at some pic–
– Don’t you also do archery in your basement?
– Yeah. – What?
– Yeah, and we put a bid on a house today,
and the only reason I put? ‘Cause the basement’s big enough
where I could really shoot a long distance,
and the backyard, it’s an acre. – Do you think you’re better
at archery than Joe Rogan? – No, I’m not better than him
at anything. – Okay, well, that was fun.
– He probably has his state-of-the-art everything.
He’s probably got the best bows, the best everything.
– I think you should challenge him to a bow-and-arrow fight.
– Rich made his bow. – I’m pretty good at it.
– He refurbished a bow from an Indian.
– You think you can refurbish better than him?
– Refurb– oh, yeah. Furniture?
– You got Rogan on that. – Yeah, I can refurbish
furniture better. – You heard it now, Rogan.
The gauntlet has been dropped. – Yeah.
– It’s a fucking furniture reupholster off.
– Go get your stain, bitch. – Yeah, oddly enough, Rich looks
like he just walked in from reupholstering
and he sat down to talk. – Looks like you just broke
the water seal. – Yeah.
– They call me Vos the Varnisher. – We’re gonna take
this recliner and we’re gonna
make it look like new. – Move that box!
Move that box! – Yeah.
(laughter) – Yeah, I’m pretty good
at archery. I hit a nailhead once.
– With a hammer? – On purpose? Yeah.
– Yeah, on my– – Just in general.
– It was luck. I was at the range
and the guy put a– I got a picture of it.
– Where’s your bow-and-arrow range?
– There’s one on 22, by my house.
– Really? – What stage of life
are you at? – Dude, Bobby’s tone– let me
tell you about Bobby’s tone. Bobby’s tone when he said that.
When he said that, Bobby was just looking at him
the whole time ever since he said
he hit the nail. Bobby looks at him
and then he goes, where is there
an archery range? He did the whole, he goes,
your girlfriend goes to a different school?
That was the thing you did. – Vos is screaming out
for help and we’re just
making fun of him. – No, I love it.
– He goes, I see a ship, and I cry!
– Hey, so am I. – It’s so beautiful,
the woodworking! – I was crying ’cause my–
I had nothing else. – Yeah, just–
– He’s redoing furniture. He’s doing archery.
He has rings. (overlapping chatter) – Pick at their garbage.
– What’s that? I’m living life. – You’re living life, yeah,
like a fucking homeless person. – Yeah, Bonnie’s sleeping
on dumpster furniture and then she has to sit under
a tree with an apple on her head for a half hour
while Rich figures it out. – He goes, morning, Bonnie.
I found some orange slice skins in the fucking trash.
– I bought Bonnie antlers. – Yeah.
– What? – I bought her antlers.
– Real antlers? – Rich is like the grandfather
in “The Lost Boys.” – No, you fucking idiot.
Archery, antlers, deer. – Oh.
– Remember the grandfather in “The Lost Boys”?
Every day, he goes, Bonnie, wake up. I fucking
taxidermy’d you an owl. – No, we got a nice bedroom set
on Craigslist. – That’s not a real thing
you could say. Those things don’t
go together. – Why wouldn’t you buy
a brand-new one? – Because what we wanted,
I saw– it was probably a $2,000 bedroom set.
King bed. I mean, the way I like the wood.
– Yeah. – You just buy a cheaper one
and do it yourself? – We got a new living room set
from the furniture store, and it stinks,
and you know– – The way you like the wood?
You mean like just raw? – Florentine just said
refurbish. Probably buy new furniture and
start refurbishing immediately. (laughter) Dude has an old couch.
Yeah? Now it’s worthless. (mimics sander whirring)
– People in Rich’s neighborhood see him out Saturday morning
garbage picking like, is that the guy
we just saw headlining the Stress Factory last night and he’s going through
our garbage? – They come out to confront him
and then he’s just selling them CDs.
– Guys, on our Kreeps with Kids tour, please, any chairs,
any furniture you have… – Guys, if you got a truck,
bring your old stuff. – …please bring it down.
Vos would love to– – Or if you have any pictures
of ships, Vos will sign it. – Yeah.
– Guys, I found us a tour bus in a junkyard.
We just gotta go home, put some new seats in.
– You could fix it up and send it to the Bahamas.
That could be your fucking show. – Yeah.
– You’re fixing furniture, sending it down to the Bahamas.
– That was ridiculous. And they got
kicked off the boat ’cause they didn’t have
their visas. Oh, yeah, lookit, my house is,
maybe it’s under one of the rafters or one of my–
you know, my visa. How am I gonna–
everything is rubble, but you don’t have
your visa with you? – Well, how did the other people
have their papers then? – Some had ’em in their pockets
during the hurricane. – Wait, I feel like we walked
into a conversation. – When did that happen?
– I feel like this is a conversation like
we walked into a conversation. – When your house is
getting blown away, I don’t think a visa is
the first thing on your mind. – Rich, you can’t just go…
– What? – …from one fucking topic
to another topic. – Yeah, what the fuck
happened here? – He brought up the Bahamas!
It’s called a segue! – That’s not a segue.
That’s a fucking– you blindsided him.
Dan’s high. You just freaked him out.
– Yeah, I didn’t even– – He’s looking at you like,
did I just time warp? – I didn’t know.
– You’re all right, Dan. I was with you.
– My fucking hand started going numb. I’m like, did I fall asleep
and wake back up? Did we talk about
something else? – I knew what I was
talking about. – I thought I completely
blacked out for 15 minutes. – Ron doesn’t know what
you’re talking about. Ron’s a professional.
He just went with it. – No, here’s the thing.
I recently watched the movie “Rain Man,” so I knew exactly
what you were going for. (laughter)
– The fuck? I saw Dan’s face just went… Dan just– Dan’s face was like,
I’m dying. – We looked at each other.
Me and Dan looked at each other
and one of us was like, who’s gonna say that I don’t
know what we’re talking about? You also don’t know, right?
– Well, with the policy, leaving the EU these days,
the taxat– Germany bailed everyone out!
And you’re like… – You know what’s great though?
Florentine came right in with the right-wing
point of view. Well, how come some people
can come into this country? You know, Trump is doing
everything he can to protect us from these hordes
of Bahamians! – Florentine just jumps in with,
these colors don’t run! And you’re like…
– I’ve been hanging around him long enough to know he’s gonna
switch directions and I gotta go with it.
– Yeah, yeah. – So I just know.
– Jim goes, ah! – Stupid people have their
papers in their pocket. – Jim just wets his finger,
he goes, uh, Vos about to change.
– Jesus Christ. – Well, we’ll take our last
commercial break and we’ll come back.
We’re hanging out with the Kreeps with Kids, everyone.
Ron Bennington, Rich Vos, Bobby Kelly, Jim Florentine. You know them and love them all.
– KreepsWithKids.com. – From the Vos Roast probably.
– VosRoast.com. – VosRoast.com.
– Jesus Christ. Why you gotta– it’s over!
Stop promoting Vos Roast! I mean, what are you gonna sell?
We’re here for Kreeps with Kids. – Yeah, for sure.
– We’re not here for a stupid roast that he ripped
everybody off on. – If you wanna see what these
guys are capable of… – We all got $5. He made $30,000.
– I didn’t! – We made nothing!
Yeah, we made nothing. That’s all he plugs is
the Vos Roast. – I got a check for 15 bucks.
– I didn’t plug it! I didn’t plug it.
– All’s he does. And we’re here, we need to–
we literally– We have no tickets
in Redding sold, but he wants to still plug that
shit roast from 3 years ago. – I didn’t plug it!
– At least do another roast! Let’s plug the one
from this year! – I didn’t plug it!
If I was gonna plug it– – KreepsWithKids.com.
Fuck the roast! It wasn’t that good.
– And October 8th, they’re gonna be playing
all my stuff on Sirius. (laughter) – We’re gonna take a break.
– My new CD. – We’re gonna be right back
with the Kreeps with Kids. It’s “The Bonfire.” – I have anxiety that really
kicked in this year, so I started collecting
antique tools. – That’s fun.
– He did. – I have like saws
and monkey wrenches and a lot of train tools. They’re very heavy to get,
but I really– it helps me with my stress.
– Bobby, just cheat, dude. – Bobby collects knives. – Just cheat on your wife, man.
– Let me tell you something. If I cheated on my wife,
I don’t think she– I really don’t think it would
shock her or affect her. – Really, the guy who’s
collecting antique trowels in the backyard? – I collect something
from each of my victims, whether it’s a finger, toe.
– Yeah. – I call it my trophy room,
and I masturbate on it. – And what I like
is Ron leaves a little clue
for the detectives. – Yeah, I taunt them, you know?
Leave a little note. It’s me, Bennington.
– Yeah, I’m coming. I will strike again.
– Yeah, maybe you’ll hear about this on the radio.
– Yeah. – Hey, dudes, I brought my oil
from the Mesopotamian area. – Dude, I got this
stone hammer, dude. – It’s the Sumerians.
– Dude, I got a wheat grinder. Dude, it’s in
my front lawn, dude. – You really don’t think
that she would mind if you– Like would she be mad
if you cheated on her? – I don’t think she–
I think she’d be like, you know, you’re just
a fucking asshole. But she’d be like,
I don’t wanna touch your dick. I want nothing to do with you.
So, whatever, I get it. But you could’ve just–
I’m not getting any. You’re not getting any.
I’m worried about her… My whole
neighborhood’s changing. It was all people.
– Now it’s gettin’ hot? – The neighborhood died,
and now those people are dying, so like regular people
like are moving in now, like couples.
– Hot. – So they hate
that you live there? – There’s a lot of firefighters.
Lot of men. And I’m like–
– Lotta dudes. – Oh, shit, shirtless dads?
Ah, fuck. – There’s a lot of guys.
– Hey, sorry you saw me practicing my tantric moves
out in the front lawn. – Hey, Mrs. Kelly,
do you need some help? – I’m Dylan.
Seems like Bobby’s gone a lot. – Hi, Dylan. How are you?
This is Doodles and Max. – Yeah, he goes, Max?
– Oh, man. – Don’t tell me Max is
an afternoon sleeper. That’s when I do
my oiled-up push-ups. – Well, I don’t like him
taking naps, but he should take a nap today
’cause he’s tired. – Hey, tell Max while his dad’s
on the road this weekend, I can show him how to snap
that football nice. – Oh, that sounds wonderful.
I mean, he’s not back for like a month ’cause
he doesn’t make that much money. He has to clump
a lot of dates together just to pay
the fucking mortgage. – KreepsWithKids.com.
– It’s called block booking. I don’t want to get into it
with you, but– – Imagine if they fuck
in Bobby’s shed. – Yeah.
(all groaning) – And they hit “record”
and they put it on my Patreon. (laughter) – It’s just called
“Burnin’ Bobby Down.” And you’re like, I don’t know
what it– oh, my God! – And I have to have her fuck
every month a different guy ’cause that’s how I make money. That’s how I make
“Cum Town” money. – Oh, man, now you’re the new
“Shane’s World.” – Your biggest anger is that
they left the humidor open. – They eat out of his trough.
– He goes, did one of your fucking studs take a cigar?! Did one of your fucking studs
take one of my cigars?! – I don’t mind you fuckin’
that cocksucker, but you don’t
fuckin’ touch my Hoyos! – Yeah.
– I don’t know how old it is, but I didn’t see it. Someone
showed it to me last night. But I’d have to ask you guys–
I’d feel like an idiot for not asking if you guys
have any thoughts on how crazy it was that Judy Gold made
a whole like editorial piece. – I didn’t read it.
Do you have it? – It was on cnn.com.
– How long is it? – It’s too long.
– I have it right now. – It’s right there.
– Well, give it to somebody that can read.
– You’re saying that to me? – Yeah.
– What? What, you can’t read without spitting on everybody
in the room? Is that what
you’re talking about? – Bobby wears those glasses
like Di Nero at the end of “Casino.”
– Yeah. – I got a new pair today.
– Where it makes the side of his head look thin.
– Now here’s the thing. Here’s the thing with a–
– Like brings your head in like that.
– Here’s the thing with Judy, is Vos put out a tape
when Judy was on your show. – I didn’t put it out!
– I mean, it’s out there now… – I didn’t put it out.
– …when Judy did your show that’s got everybody talking.
‘Cause Bobby is the one– I thought you put it out.
Bobby told me about it. – No, no, no.
– What exactly happened? – I don’t– what happened?
– You know what happened. Stop acting like a pussy.
You know what happened. – First of all–
– Second of all. – Second of all–
– I like Judy very much. I’ve never had a problem
with Judy ever and I find this very bizarre.
– Listen, I didn’t read the piece.
– Wait, wait, wait. Judy is on VosRoast.com too.
– Yes, VosRoast.com. – Cancel.
– Judy, listen. I didn’t read her piece
that she sent. – Mm-hmm.
– She was on our ra– Obviously was negative
towards, uh, Shane. – Shane.
– She was on our radio show, and she did a bit
that was as funny as anything you’ll ever hear.
– Sure. – But it was very racial. She was singing Nicki Minaj
lyrics as Karen Carpenter. They even played it
on “Opie & Anthony.” It was so funny.
So now, what I hear, ’cause I’m getting calls
from people, uh, she went after Shane
and Shane’s going, are you out
of your fucking mind? Look what you did.
So anything, no matter how funny it is,
can come back to haunt you. – No, for sure.
– Well, Judy’s point in the article was Shane
didn’t do it on stage. If it was a bit he was
developing on stage, I wouldn’t have had
a problem with it. But since it was off stage,
she has a problem with it. And then this audio comes out
with her not on stage, on a radio show,
doing basically the same thing that Shane was doing
on his podcast. – I just don’t get
the fingerpoint. – Listen, here’s the thing.
Any time a comic’s in front of a microphone,
he’s trying to be funny. – Or she, or she.
– We’re trying to be– – Or informative like about,
you know, furniture. – Yes, thank you, Ron!
– Either way. – I’ve been saying that
for years. – Promoting their furniture
refinishing business. – But you can’t sit there
and say Shane and this kid weren’t trying to make
each other laugh. The difference between stand-up
comedy and a podcast– I’m trying to make
you laugh right now. – Right.
– I’m not trying to make a crowd laugh, I’m trying
to make a comic laugh, and that’s a harder thing to do,
so sometimes you step way over the line because it’s harder
to make Jay laugh than it is to make a crowd laugh,
you know, sometimes. And she was pointing out,
like he said, that it was just him
and this other kid… – McCusker.
– …in front of microphones. And it was almost like,
fuck podcasts. You know, stand-up comedy,
you have that thing. You can’t draw a line.
If you’re trying to be funny, if you’re a stand-up on radio,
on podcasts, in a sketch, it’s all– you’re trying
to be funny, so you can’t draw the line just
at stand-up. – The bottom line is–
and I’ve said this a million times,
and I’ll say it again. – What the bottom line is?
– Comics should not go after other comics,
you’re just hurting yourself– – But you just went after
another comic. You just went after me.
– I didn’t go after another– who did I go after?
– Me. – You went after Bobby.
– I didn’t go after you. – When you tweeted that out
about Judy Gold on your show. – I didn’t tweet.
– You went after her. – You went after our tour
when you plugged your fucking Vos Roast
– I didn’t plug– You plugged it, did I plug it?
– I think you’ve gone after Bonnie literally
every day of your life. – I what?
– You are problematic. You went after Bonnie
literally every day. – He said I’m fucking–
it’s appropriate. – Rich, it’s a problem.
– Can I ask a question? – Yes.
– So, I mean, we’re in the mob. So we’re not supposed to go
after each other, ever. – No, ever. Ever.
– In public. You got something to say,
you call the person. – Absolutely.
– That’s the rules, right? – Absolutely, Mr. Kelly.
– We’re in the fucking mob. – Absolutely.
– If you got a problem with me, you call me or you call–
or you call Jimmy, or you call
my buddy over here… (overlapping chatter) – …your family and have them
take care of you. – You go to Ronnie and you say– – That was the thing
about Bobby. He always had a different plan. He always thought he knew
what he was talking about. – (singing)
– Let me tell you something. – He was planning his tour,
but Shane was already gone. He wasn’t gonna come back. – Ronnie B, we need somebody
to replace Shane asap. – There was Ronnie V,
Jimmy the Nuts. – Bobby didn’t like stairs,
so he never took ’em. He always took the elevator.
– Then there was Richie Varnish. – If you were doing radio
with him, you were always in
the elevator with him. He said one thing–
“Don’t ever put out podcasts of people that you’re against.
It’ll look bad.” – Hey, Jay, maybe you’ve been
gone for awhile. He doesn’t fucking
varnish furniture. Maybe you didn’t know that. – I don’t know
if you heard that… Problem was that Rich
varnished the wrong couch. – That’s cool.
– That actually belonged to Vulture.com.
– Hey, Rich, why don’t you rehinge my fucking armoire?
– You son of a bitch! – You fucking cocksucker!
– You don’t come to Sirius and talk about varnishing
that way. – What the fuck kind
of people are they? – Well, you’re right,
that thing with Patrick. – What’s that?
– Patrick taking on Vulture was pretty funny.
– Yeah, Patrick Milligan was like, “go fuck yourself.”
– To who? – Vulture.com asked him,
like, “Who are some people we should watch out for
in comedy?” And he was like,
“I’m not helping someone that takes down comedians.”
– Yeah, good. – It really is good, but I just
don’t know what Judy– Maybe she’s just–
I think she’s, “I don’t like the hang and mix
of comedy maybe too much.” – I don’t think she was trying
to do a hit piece on him, I really don’t,
I think that she– – I don’t think so, either,
it’s just– I don’t understand
stuffing your nose, and everyone’s like shoving
their nose in such a public forum, versus like… – When people call you up,
though, and CNN, or whoever the fuck it is
calls you up and says, “Hey, what do you
think about this,” there’s no pause,
there’s no second– – No, but she wrote the article. It was an article, it wasn’t
an interview over the phone. It’s different when you’re
writing it out than thinking it.
– Yeah, but she could just write it out and give it to ’em. They asked for the article.
– Did I tell you? Fucking CNN called me,
I gave ’em my usual– nothing. – Yeah.
– I go, hey, babe, what are you fuck-alucking
right now? I told you to go
fuck your mother. – Yeah.
– Bing, pow, boom! – Boom, that’s right.
– Rich, you saw my head, it was out to fucking here! – We’re in the fucking mob,
Ronnie. – I got reached out
by a couple things, I just didn’t answer them.
– I didn’t get reached out by anybody, I’m so
out of the business. I’m gonna redo furniture
this weekend. – Stare at your shit pictures.
– I did a piece for the LA Times.
– Oh, nice. – It’s gonna be in Friday– it’s
just me shitting on everyone. – It’s a real slam piece.
– I basically take everyone down with me.
– I did a piece for Highlights. And I said poopy’s
out of the, you know… – I love Highlights, I’ve been
a fan of that… – I did Jack and Jill.
– It’s funny too that they had the roast the other night.
– That’s so weird. – They had the–
just terrible shit being said. – It’s so weird, that’s like
the culture we’re in. – And it’s like, okay,
because famous people did it, it’s fine.
– Or it’s like… it really is a thing of like,
people love roasts now, but then you can’t say
anything mildly offensive without them being like…
– No, no, you also have to have Caitlyn Jenner go up there and
give in her four minutes of comedy, two
one-and-a-half-minute speeches about how brave she is,
so everybody claps. It’s just like
fucking ridiculous. – But also, SNL, they’re gonna
have Eddie Murphy on this year. I mean, how can you do that
with his horrible, horrible… – Yeah, the old tracks of…
– Yeah, those are different. – Well, first of all,
it was a New York Times writer digging for old podcasts. I mean, that’s…
– Was it a freelance writer? – Yeah, but that’s like
National Enquirer shit where you’re digging on
someone’s dirt, you know what I mean?
Like, someone gets hired, and you go, look what
this person did, that just that the New York
Times are doing that now… – Yeah.
– …is pretty pathetic. Like, the most reputable paper
in the fucking world is digging–
listening to old podcasts of some guy who got a gig
on Saturday Night Live. – It’s a symptom
of the 24-hour news cycle, and people just need it
to feed, and they need different
stories to get upset about. And then when people are pissed, it just fucking…
it moves clicks. – You know, if we bring
prayer back into school, you know what I’m saying?
– Yes, Ron. Ron, yes. – I mean, it’s gotta start
with the family itself. – Or at least
the Pledge Allegiance. – Thank you, Pledge of…
– That’s what Kreeps With Kids is about, it’s about
reestablishing something. – Yes.
– You know what I mean? – Jesus.
– That you can get fucked up for years, and then when
you have children… – When you have Jesus
back in your life. – These kids needs trades. They need to learn how
to reupholster furniture. – Or fix a lawnmower.
– Yeah! – And you know what,
if you feel bad, let me tell you
something right now. You can go to RichVosRoast.com,
watch that. – Oh!
– Watch that, and if you like that, then you go
to Kreeps With Kids. – See? Even our
friends become our enemies, and then our enemies
become our friends. – Right.
– KreepsWithKids.com. – Kreeps With Kids.
– K-r-e-e-p-s, WithKids.com. – You’re doing the format of
the one I was on before, right? Where you guys sit and–
after the standup, you guys sit and do the panel?
– Well this, we’re doing a theater tour.
– Yeah. – It’s a 14 city theater tour,
we’re each doing 20 minutes, we’re doing
a meet and greet after. If there is time here and there,
we might do that, but it might just be us
doing standup on this one. – Standup?
– Yeah, because, I mean, where do you get
four headliners… – Sure.
– Going up on one theater show? Usually, it’s just one asshole
and a couple of their fucking friends
working for 150. – What I’m getting.
– Yeah, at VosRoast.com. – We did the show last night.
We’ve done it twice already. The first time we did it in
Pennsylvania at a theater. – Montreal?
– This fucking show killed, from beginning to end.
Last night… – We did the test show at that
theater outside of Philly… – Oh okay.
– …to see if the tour would be good, and it was
fucking monstrous. – Yeah?
– I mean, dude, it was weird. I mean, everybody went out
and just was murdering. It was so fun.
It reminded me of O&A, the Virus thing,
without the anxiety. – Right.
– So this is more like the head cold.
– Without the rapes. – Yeah, without the fucking
“you suck!” I mean, the fans were all fans.
– Yeah, their hips hurt now. They’re like, “I used to throw
something at you “at an amphitheater, and now,
well, I lost one of my kids about 10 years ago,
and it changed me as a man.” – We didn’t have t-shirts,
they were all triple-X. – Can I tell you what it is?
We’ll all broadcasting now. Like, everyone’s
broadcasting now, and we speak about
the live shows enough that the people who were shitty
at shows and come out
and “boo” in masses, have been driven to,
like, the Reddit– like, they’re all on Reddit now.
And comedy fans seem to come out again,
which is nice, that’s what… – Jay, we don’t say
broadcasting, we say casting.
– Oh, I’m sorry. Jew casting?
– Whoa! – Cancelled!
– Cancelled! – Cancelled!
– A friend of mine is a Jew. – You’re cancelled.
– Hey, queer casting? – Cancelled! Cancelled!
– Cancelled! Cancelled! – Oh, you mean Polack casting?
– Cancelled! – Non-gender casting?
– No, oh, no, that was safe. – No, you’re good, you’re good.
– Thanks. – You mean– no, I’m kidding.
– You just drop a hard one? – Just a hard one.
– I know I’m at an age, I’m assuming most of us
in the room– I’m just at a time– I wouldn’t
even Yelp review something bad. – No.
– So the idea of giving a shit– – I do.
– Do you really? – I fucking…
– Really? – Do you really?
– You piece of shit. – Beware of me.
– Cancel culture. – Yeah, cancel culture.
– Cancel culture. – Cancer culture.
– I call myself honest culture. – Point at him. Cancer culture.
– I’m honest culture. – No, you’re cancel culture.
– Jay, point at him. – No, I…
– You’re trying to ho Jo’s Rib Shack ’cause they
didn’t give… – Point at Bobby, we can make
him feel bad– cancel culture. – You wanna shut down
a rib place ’cause they didn’t give you what you deem to be
a normal amount of rib sauce. – I’m sorry that Red Lobster
was understaffed and overserved. – It was Cheesecake Factory, and if there’s soup
on the ground, you clean it with a mop,
not a broom. – Cancel culture.
– Dear Red Lobster, turns out endless shrimp
does have an end. – Der!
– I found the bottom of bottomless shrimp.
– For whom this may concern, it was a rainy Tuesday evening. I was tired as the rain was wet.
– Der! – I was hungry…
– Dear Golden Corral, I noticed there was no diced ham
at the salad bar. – Der.
– That’s not a buffet, that’s just a long table, dude.
– Der! – That’s just a long table. – And it looks like it just
got refurbished. – Vos goes,
“Who does the tables? Who does the tables
at the buffet?” – And what are you gonna do
with that lamp? – Yeah, can I take that lamp?
Ooh, that’s a shit picture! – ♪ Ships in the sea
alone at night ♪ ♪ Someday I’ll get on you
and go away ♪ ♪ And feel my life
just free ♪ ♪ On a lonely ship
in the bay ♪ – Merc Face, I have
some interracial question– – Girls on film.
– I have some interracial relationship questions you have
to go ask some people. Yeah, and for you
to ask that guy. – Go ahead,
what’s your first question? – Oh, I have a million.
– Do you though? – White guy, black girl?
Yes. – What’s the first one?
What’s the first one you’d ask? – Do you listen to everything
she says? ♪♪ – Go ahead, ask him, Jacob.
– No. – No, he’s a white guy,
he’s not gonna get mad. He’s a white guy, I mean,
I wouldn’t send you over there to say that to a black dude
with a white woman. You’d get killed. – I’m thinking coworkers.
– The fuck? – I’m thinking coworkers. – Yeah? Why, ’cause she’s not
paying attention to him at all? – Body language.
– They might be together for that reason.
Wakka wakka. – You think he just
doesn’t mind? – He’s just like whatever,
he’s just talking with her? – You think she’s just–
she’s like, “I’m sorry, I’m on the phone with Wakanda,”
and she, like, doesn’t… – Oh, it’s for
her white boyfriend? – Yeah.
– She goes, no, no, no. – He’s like, “I don’t bother
when she talks to Wakanda. Wakanda calls, you answer.” And now I’m thinking about that,
she sort of looks like the girl who makes all the technology.
– Yeah. – She what?
– She looks like the girl who makes all the technology. – If you just walk by and
you go, “Do you have vibranium?” “What’d you say?”
“No, what’d you say?” – Vibranium, selling, buying.
Vibranium. – Got that Vibranium.
– Selling, buying. When the scalpers
say “selling, buying,” what’s the point?
Why are they buying? – They’re just in the mix, dude. – They just wanna be involved
in a transaction. – Scalpers just love the hunt. – You can’t say that
you’re selling… – Oh, maybe it’s illegal.
– Because it’s illegal. – Oh, so you say buying.
– You say, I’m buying tickets. Like, “oh, I don’t have any,
but I’m looking for some.” Great, then I’m selling ’em!
– Oh, I gots– yeah. I gots ’em, you fool. – I’m a cop, and I would like
to get into this. – Oh, is that
why they do that? – Yeah.
– I thought they saying buying and selling sometimes.
– After you agree to buy. (overlapping chatter) – If you’re trying to get
rid of a ticket, they buy low and then
try and upgrade. – So it’s a risk they’re taking. – Welcome back to scalping
economics at the Bonfire. – Well, scalping’s gotta be
close to dead now. – Andy.
– StubHub fury here. – I was gonna say, StubHub’s…
– StubHub killed ’em. – Yeah.
– But unless they lowball it. – If we lead with Merc Face
and Sean, it’s gonna look like
we’re hatecriming. If we lead with them.
We can’t lead with them. Let me take a picture of you,
flash with my phone, and then start
freaking out, and go over and tell her to get out.
– I can’t. – (sighs)
– Please? Please? – Why do we do a show?
Why do we do a show? – Why do we even bother? – If she didn’t break
on the phone, she goes, “Yeah, I don’t know,
some black dudes came over here
and get it out of me.” – Oh my god, his nose
is bleeding. – Get out of his nose… – His nose is bleeding
something crazy. – Yeah, I challenge
these people to get out. – The get out challenge.
– Yeah. – Bet you can’t get out.
– My friend. – I challenge…
– Stop get outing yourself. Stop get outing yourself.
– Aw… damn, Black Lou. She would’ve ran
if you did that. Get out of here.
They got bad intentions. – If we got movie blood.
– Yeah. We find out– we put Gary. We put your Gary
in Black Lou. That’s our get out, dude. – Dad? – Yeah, but you gotta call him
Black Lou on the show, it’s gonna confuse people.
– I go, Dad Black Lou, how ’bout the– he’s just all
into the Niners all of a sudden, and Jimmy Buffet. He just likes talking shit
about Trish and drinking. I go, Black Lou!
– He does a Niners switch. – Yeah, I go, Black Lou…
– Wife’s confused. – …why do you like the Niners?
– He’s got pennants. – And why do you hate
my mom so much? Two hot questions
right up at the top. Why are you drinking
Bacardi on the show, and why do you hate
my mom so much? – And where were you earlier?
– Why are you drinking Bacardi on the show now? – He’s fixing the rum and coke,
he goes, “Hey, pal.” I go, don’t call me that.
– Aw, man. A guy doing a finger swirl?
– That was my dad. – Yeah, he did it?
– King of the finger swirl. – The middle finger?
– Dude, mostly rum. – The fucking pincher grip?
– Mostly rum. Drop of coke.
– Drop. – Pick up the glass,
stir it with your finger as he walks out. By the way, ’cause he always
had a fucking butt. – Why even the drop of coke? – When he’d say, “Hey, pal…”
– Oh, we should go. – He’d say, “Hey, pal?”
– Hey, pal. Yeah, that’s why
my production company’s called Hey Pal Productions. Oh, hi. Didn’t see you
come in there. I’m Dan Soder. I’m Big Jay Oakerson. We’re from the Bonfire on Comedy
Central Radio, Sirius XM 95. Make sure you watch our videos every Thursday on Comedy
Central YouTube. Fresh. Exclusive. Visual. Titillating.