Beauty | ContraPoints

Beauty | ContraPoints

(“Faceshopping” by Sophie) ♪ My face is the front of shop ♪ ♪ My face is the real shop front ♪ ♪ My shop is the face I front ♪ ♪ I’m real when I shop my face ♪ ♪ Artificial bloom ♪ ♪ Hydroponic skin ♪ ♪ Chemical release ♪ ♪ Synthesize the real ♪ (upbeat electronic music)
– Hey guys, it’s Natalie, welcome back to my channel. Today I’m gonna do a
makeup tutorial, as always, but first, story time,
story time, story time! I just wanna be upfront with you guys and let you know that I’ve
had some facial surgery. I’m always gonna be honest with you guys about this kind of thing
because you mean so much to me. Like you’ve been here with
me since the beginning, and you’ve seen my story,
my whole entire journey, this journey I’ve been on
as a transgender woman. You’ve been with me on this whole journey. This is my truth, and you’ve accepted the
truth of my journey. This is a really vulnerable moment for me, and you guys are just so special because you’ve been here for me throughout my whole transgender journey. The whole message of my
journey as an influencer (Natalie’s voice overlapping) Ah!
of the lived experience of my transgender journey (tense music)
as a YouTube influencer and it’s been so meaningful, and I’m going a really
vulnerable time for me, and I’ve been so grateful to you guys (Natalie’s speech blending together) I think the main thing
we’ve learned together on this channel is that
makeup is a lot of fun, but it’s inner beauty that really counts. Anyway, let’s talk about plastic surgery. I had facial feminization
surgery on April 2nd, so about a month and a half ago. What we call facial
feminization surgery, or FFS, is actually a series
of different procedures that some transgender women choose to have to look more feminine. So what I had done is forehead
contouring, a brow lift, rhinoplasty, mandible
contouring, a trachea shave. You know, what, let’s just have the skull lady talk you through it. (regal classical music)
– A coronal incision was made athwart the cranial vault, whence the skin of the forehead was stripped away from the bone. A fragment of the
supraorbital ridge was then chiseled away, removed,
reshaped, and re-affixed, thereby eliminating that
undesirable prominence of a robust brow that ofttimes distinguisheth the skull of the Chad. A second incision was then
made athwart the columella of the nasal septum,
facilitating a reconstruction of the interior cartilage and bone. Further incisions were made
betwixt the gum and cheek, through which the mandible
was rasped and shaved down to a gracile curvature
of a jaw and pointed chin, thereby delineating a facial silhouette exhibiting that aspect which
medical men call cunty. – It all sounds pretty gruesome when you describe it like that, but there’s actually a very fine level of technique and aesthetics involved. (classical music)
My plastic surgeon is an artist. The results are natural, I don’t look like I’ve had a bunch of
work done, which is good. You know, you at least wanna
leave people wondering, (upbeat electronic music)
maybe she’s born with it, maybe a surgeon peeled her face off and fixed her shitty skull. Here’s a before and after picture where you can clearly see the difference: to use the exact medical terminology, my brow is on fleek, my nose
is no longer busted the house, my jaw is snatched, and my
Adam’s apple is canceled. Wasn’t it always really Eve’s apple? Maybe Satan’s apple. I think I still look like
myself, it’s not a new face. We’re talking about
millimeters of bone here. But to have all that done was, well, it cost a lot of money,
the anticipation was, oh, terror like I’ve never
known, the pain was memorable, and the recovery took more than a month. In fact, I still have
some swelling in my jowls. (lighthearted music)
Jowls, there’s a nice feminine-sounding word, love that. The standard YouTube T-girl
thing to do of course would have been to vlog the whole journey. (energetic music)
Story time, my facial surgery
experience, my FFS journey, and post constant social
media updates about it. And I am grateful to the
trans women who have done that because it was really helpful to me to be able to watch those vlogs in advance and know what I was getting myself into. But I decided not to
post about the surgery because I wanted privacy for the recovery and to just take some time
to get to feel at home with the results before subjecting myself to the vicious things they
say about me in the tabloids. You know, I think I’ve been kinda psychologically
damaged by reading for years the things people say
about my appearance online. And I’m not even talking about the haters, like at this point I can
mostly brush them off. But for instance, about a year ago, I was reading through a
transgender subreddit, and some trans woman was
agonizing about her appearance, and someone offered the encouragement, (lighthearted music)
“You know, “you can still look hot
even if you don’t pass, “just look at ContraPoints.” (glass shattering)
(melancholy music) Ugh, like a dagger to the heart, the unintentional shade of it all. (whining) So the past six weeks have been at times difficult and lonely, but I did manage to keep my mug off social
media for long enough that I’m as ready as I’m ever gonna be for the commentary of the Internet. (triumphant band music)
So bring it on you jackals, you vultures,
you goblin swine. While I was lying around
bandaged and bored, I did have a lot of time to think. And what I’ve been
thinking about is probably the same thing you’re wondering right now, which is, why would
someone do what I just did? Why would I spend so much time and money and go through so much anxiety and pain just to change a few millimeters of bone? Isn’t this all just extravagant vanity, some narcissistic symptom
of phones but too much? Well, I feel like there’s
a lot of pressure on me to say that in fact, this
wasn’t cosmetic surgery at all. Usually trans people say that surgeries like facial feminization, top surgery, genital reassignment, and so on serve the sole purpose of
alleviating gender dysphoria, this discomfort that we
feel with the mismatch between our bodies and
our gender identity. So what I’m supposed to
say is that my surgery was a medically necessary
reconstructive procedure needed to make my
testosterone-weathered facial bones (lighthearted music)
match the 5’2″ happy baby bouncy biogirl
I truly am inside, thereby alleviating my dysphoria, helping me safely blend into society, and preventing a five-alarm
psychiatric meltdown. And there is definitely truth to that. It’s certainly the
argument I intend to make when I write this off as a
medical expense on my taxes. If you’re an IRS auditor,
please stop this video now (Windows error ding)
and insert the next floppy disk into your CD drive. (disc jamming) But hypothetically speaking,
I think the reality might not be quite so simple. How sharp is the line
separating gender dysphoria from the other kinds
of body image dysphoria that drive cisgender people to get cosmetic surgery all the time? Last year, when I used to foolishly tweet things of substance, I tweeted
that I wanted to get FFS, and some trans people responded telling me that I was suffering from internalized transphobia
and self-loathing. They compared it to East Asian people getting double eyelid surgery, or so-called ethnic rhinoplasty, which they say are motivated by internalized racism and
Western beauty standards. I think that’s a pretty weak analogy, and telling a trans person
to just learn to accept the way they look can actually
be kind of transphobic because a big part of what
it even means to be trans, at least for me, is the
desire to look more female. But I also think that
trans people often talk like gender dysphoria is this
intrinsic, personal experience that’s always 100% valid and
never has anything at all to do with the external pressure
of beauty standards. But in fact, gender dysphoria
is not sealed away in a vacuum away from the influence of
societal ideals and norms. Early in my transition,
some of my worst dysphoria was about body hair, so I had
full-body laser hair removal, and now I’m smoother (chimes ringing)
than a cisgender boiled egg. But where is the idea that women don’t have body hair come from? Isn’t that just an
arbitrary grooming custom? A lot of the cis women I know don’t so much as shave their legs, so maybe I’m not even trying
to look like a cis woman. Maybe I’m simply doing everything I can to avoid looking like the caricature of a knuckly, hairy,
burgeoning, mannish trans woman with which society has
terrorized me to my core. Is this gender dysphoria or is
it internalized transphobia, or is it simply a cosmetic preference? When I try to psychoanalyze myself, I find that my desires to look female, to look feminine, and to look beautiful are not exactly the same,
but they’re woven together so tightly that it’s kind of
difficult to untangle them. And the opposite is also true, that for me feeling mannish or dysphoric usually goes along with feeling ugly. I don’t have a lot of days where I walk out the house thinking, “Well, I’m giving femme queen realness, “but apart from that I
look like absolute shit.” Of course, there are qualities
that make you look female that aren’t necessarily attractive, like cellulite or flabby
arms, which are super fish but aren’t deemed beautiful by society. The truth is I don’t
just want to look female. I want to be beautiful,
desperately, god I’ll do anything. (ominous music)
Anything. In this video, I want to explore why I’m so obsessed with being beautiful and why it seems like a lot of people (ominous music)
who live in a society are so obsessed. (tense music)
Is it phones? It’s probably phones. I know you’re supposed to pretend that you don’t care about being beautiful or that you’re not trying, but (tense music)
guys it’s the only thing I care about and I’ve never
tried so hard at anything. Of course I do feel guilty
about being so obsessed with it, ’cause there’s this idea
that caring about beauty makes you shallow or vain. You know, smart people aren’t
supposed to care about beauty. And I’ve always been categorized as a smart person by people around me. Some of that is when
you’re raised like I was, as a middle-class white boy
with no athletic talent, parents and teachers treat you (“Pomp and Circumstance”)
like a f*cking genius, like Einstein nutted a
load in Mozart’s bussy and Mozart sh*t you out
while he was getting a rusty trombone from Vincent van Gogh. It inspired his famous
painting Starfish Night. But even among women, caring about beauty is often frowned upon. I feel like an alien species when I hang out with women in academia, and I know a few ’cause
I once got half a PhD before dropping out to become a uh, what do you call someone who makes videos? A camgirl. Most female grad students
and professors I know don’t wear makeup. To them, the idea of earnestly putting on press-on nails or false
eyelashes is inconceivable, like maybe on Halloween. Now part of that is that
women in male-dominated fields sometimes feel like they have
to present more masculine to be taken seriously
because of this prejudice that beautified femininity
equals frivolous. But another part of it is clearly some kind of
not-like-other-girls weird flex. Which, OK, fine, whatever, I’m
not gonna judge another woman for the way she copes with a society that pressures women to be beautiful while simultaneously belittling
them for caring about it. I guess my way of coping is this tacky, heteronormative, and
tragically sincere aspiration to some kind of post-ironic
feminine beauty. Why am I like this? Well part of it is
vindictive transsexualism, pure and simple. To all the people who’ve called me a man, I wanna say, “F*ck you,” by looking like the undeniable visual
archetype of a woman, which is a beautiful feminine woman who’s wearing 600,000 sequins. (laughs) (sequins scratching)
They’re biological sequins. (peaceful instrumental music) Ooh, that is some ASMR
right there, listen to that. Another factor is this sh*tty website. I’m a professional YouTube influencer, forgive me father, and I’m
on camera all the time. I edit my own videos, so I spend upwards of 60 hours a month staring
at my own face on a screen. Now you try doing that and see what kind of f*cked up
complex you develop. Plus, I compare myself to
other women who make videos. A lot of the trans women on YouTube are so young and so beautiful
it makes me want to throw up. And in comparison, for a long time, I’ve felt like this
shabby aging transvestite, just this feral cat, wandering the aisles of the liquor store. So I’m insecure, I’m
compensating for that whole mess, but I honestly don’t resent
the beautiful people, I really just stan the hell out of them. (ominous music)
I follow this woman on YouTube, and I want
to be just like her mom. (“God Save the Queen”)
Her name is Dame Jefferson Star. Her name is Lady Jane Maclean. Signora Nicole Beatrice Tutorials. Tatiana Petrovna Westbrookova. (tense music)
And of course my queen and perfect goddess whomst I stan and whose portrait I’ve
painted hundreds of times. So there’s maybe some
extra intensity for me, but I think it’s actually pretty normal to want to be beautiful. I think even grad students
want to be beautiful. They just wanna do it in
that Becky kind of way where you scoff at anything
glam or artificial. And it’s not just women who
care about beauty either. I mean, gay men in LA have always been getting cosmetic surgery, but now even the straights are doing it. Incels are completely obsessed with the defects of their
personal appearance, and the ones that aren’t
completely backpilled are obsessed with plastic surgery. The incel newspeak word
for beauty is looksmaxing because of course they
have to go about this in the most heterosexual possible way. (intense rock music)
It is imperative to implement a skinmax regimen in order to maximize LooksMoneyStatus and
secure access to females. Oh my god, calm down. Not every sentence out of your mouth has to be worded like a dispatch
to the police commissioner. Yes, they actually call
skincare skinmaxing. James Charles, I know
you’re having a hard month, but I’ve got a business idea that’s gonna turn this
thing around for you. Here’s the plan, you’re gonna create a new line of skincare products called (chimes ringing)
Chad Glow. Bribe PewdiePie to send his fans to the promo video, hi sistercels, and send me a check in
the mail, you’re welcome. If you read looksmax forums,
they’re filled with discussions of browridge implants, chin
implants, mandible implants. (regal classical music)
– It must needs be remarked that the skull of the Chad
exhibiteth a jawbone most robust. – It’s literally facial
masculinization surgery. So everyone’s obsessed with the bones, everyone’s obsessed with beauty, whether man or woman, cis
or trans, gay or gamer. Maybe lesbians are just straight chillin’ while everyone else has
completely lost their minds. But why, why do we care so much? Well with incels, by their account the only reason they care is they think that looksmaxing will make
femoids have sex with them, and they think that will make
their lives feel meaningful, which, um, it will not. So incels are canceled. Now what about women, what’s
our deal, what’s our sitch, what’s our vibe, what’s our vish? Well men seem to think that
women are like inverted incels, that we care about beauty and wear makeup, (tense music)
fakeup, because we’re trying to attract men. My daddy dom went on Vice News last year and said that women wear
makeup because they’re trying to stimulate male sexual
arousal and because evolution. Now at the risk of being bratty, I gotta say this is maybe
10% true and 90% false. For one thing, straight
men don’t like makeup, at least they don’t think they do. Here’s a chart I made illustrating what every straight man in
the world thinks about makeup. Yes, I asked all of them. If you wear no makeup, they
think you look diseased. And I actually do look diseased when I don’t wear makeup, so fair enough. If you wear natural makeup, you know a little concealer,
mascara, maybe a nude lip, they think you’re not wearing
any makeup and they like it. If you wear campy makeup,
colorful eyeshadow, heavy contouring, overdrawn lips, they think it’s dumb and they hate it. Of course I’m generalizing,
#NotAllDaddyDoms. But if women really wore
makeup to attract men, they you’d expect that
they’d stop wearing it when there are no men around,
but that doesn’t happen. About a month ago, there
was that video going around of a woman showing how
to make jailhouse makeup, mixing deodorant and magazine
ink to make eyeshadow, using Kool-Aid and
Vaseline to make lipstick. There’s not a lot of
men in women’s prison, but women are still
performing incredible feats of ingenuity and resourcefulness
just to wear makeup. So maybe women are using makeup to express their individuality and
femininity, you know, things that prison tries
to take away from you, kinda makes sense. There’s a Refinery29 documentary about prison cosmetology, and also sexual exploitation, yikes, in which a former inmate describes how women would engage in sexual bartering with male guards just to get makeup. – If a girl’s performing
sexual favors for an officer, he would bring her in colored pencils, lip gloss, things like that. – That’s right, women are sucking dick so they can put on makeup,
not the other way around. Honestly, if all the men died tomorrow, F, I’d definitely keep wearing makeup. In fact, I might wear more. And I’m not just saying
that ’cause I’m trying to win feminist points or anything. Like do I want to attract men? Yes, of course I do. Do I want to attract women? I guess, I don’t really think about it. Isn’t it safer to just (ominous music)
secretly fall in love with them while quietly dying inside? Whatever, it’s fine. I want to attract nonbinary
people too of course, but right now you guys are
kind of getting in the way of my crudely stereotyping
people based on gender, so (tense music)
how dare you. The point is, when I
think about my appearance, wanting to attract people to have sex with is not the main thing
going through my head. What is going through my head? (Detective Pikachu dance music) I guess I just want to feel beautiful, I want to see myself in the mirror and think I look
snatched, is that a crime? I don’t feel pretty very often. I’d say it happens about once a month when I’m having a good skin day, I do my makeup just right, I
glisten with setting spray, and then it happens, a
tingle goes up my spine. I am Botticelli, I am Van Gogh. I have created beauty! (gasps) I’m a girl! And then it’s over, that’s it for a month. Usually when I look in the mirror, I can’t actually tell
whether I’m pretty or not. Like with other people,
I can just look at them and instantly make a judgment about it, but with myself, I have to just guess. It’s the same as being a trans person trying to figure out whether you pass. (sighs) Would you clock me? I’d clock me. I’d f*ck me too, I don’t
give a sh*t. (laughs) Get out of my room mom! It doesn’t work like that for me. I have to rely on other people’s feedback. Of course, the problem with
other people’s feedback (ominous music)
is that people are liars. You look great hon! Especially when those
people are your fans. (“God Save the Queen”)
Boots the house queen, step on my throat
mother, I’ll die for you! (Natalie claps)
Oh my god. Or when they’re your haters. (ominous music)
Your disgusting giant collarbone outs you as
a man at a thousand paces. (sighs) I guess I’ll never
know whether I’m pretty or not. But I can estimate,
like I have figured out that I’m too pretty for Twitter, but I’m not sure yet if I’m
pretty enough for Instagram. It’s hard being a six. I have been dipping my toes
in the Instagram water. Before my surgery, I got
into a pretty good rhythm of posting my shitty little makeup looks, and what I find addictive
about it is this constant flow of positive comments from other people, even though I know it’s mostly flattery. (“God Save the Queen”)
You invented beauty, perfect angel, choke me mommy. Every time I get a comment like that, I’m perfect aware that
it’s wild exaggeration fueled by parasocial delusions, but I still get a hit of dopamine in my biologically female brain. And the intoxicating thing about Instagram is that the embellishment of
the truth is a two-way street, thanks to the miracle of Facetune. (ominous music)
Yes, we finally get to talk about the phones. See, it’s a black mirror
because it’s a window into the darkness of the human soul. Get it, should I explain it again? Phones live in a society. Facetune is an app that lets you fix all the problems with your face. So here’s an unedited
pre-FFS picture of me. What I would do in Facetune
is smooth out the complexion, shrink the nose a
little, bring the jaw in, and use the vibrance tool
to make the eyeshadow pop. It’s really no more drastic than the kinds of photo doctoring people have been doing since the invention of photography. What’s changed is that
now everyone is doing it to their own photos every day. And I’ve noticed that
when I’m in the habit of editing my flaws out of pictures, when I look at an unedited
picture of myself, or when I look in the mirror, my eyes go straight to the flaws. (sighs) Why are my pores so big? Why aren’t medical scientists
doing something to stop this? Is this really a good
use of my mental energy? Here comes that guilt again. Instead of worrying about
my pores, shouldn’t I be helping stop the impending
climate catastrophe that’s gonna destroy the planet if we don’t change the
economy in like 12 years? Shit, I guess it’s 11 years now. It’s just hard to focus on climate change when there’s so much else on my mind. (Detective Pikachu dance music) He’s just so cute. I guess I’d just rather
think about the aesthetic than the apocalypse,
and that’s the darkness. Why is my neck like two decades older than the rest of my skin? (sighs) Do I need Botox yet? Should I get a facelift? These are the questions
that will not doubt define the next couple decades of my life. As if it wasn’t bad enough to go through a second adolescence on camera, I also have to deal with aging, and thus the ritual of skincare products. Here’s my daytime routine. So first I’m gonna mix
the Dermalogica exfoliator with the cleansing gel
and just massage my face. None of this is sponsored by the way, this is just me supporting corporations out of the kindness of my heart. Now if I’m not running late for something I will do a face mask,
but if I’m out of bed, it’s because I’m running
late for something, so, I’ve never done a face mask. Now I’m going to use a toner,
which is very important. Now, a lot of people don’t
know what a toner does, but um. Look it tones OK, do you want
your face to be un-toned? Next, I’m gonna spray
expensive Korean yeast directly into my eyes. I use this ’cause it’s
actually a lot cheaper than the Japanese yeast, so
you’re really losing money if you don’t buy it, think of the savings. Now I’m going to mix a
pump of hyaluronic acid with a couple spritzes of
organic Bulgarian rosewater. You can almost smell the
Bulgarian rose fields. It’s enchanting, it’s like I’m there. There’s not enough serum in the
world for this neck leather. I use this moisturizer because
Gigi Gorgeous told me to, and I do everything Gigi says. (tense music)
Every f*cking thing. I know it seems like a lot of products, but once you get locked into
a serious skincare collection, the tendency is to push
it as far as you can. And I feel like I’m forgetting something. Oh, sunscreen. I’m not really sure what this does. We can probably skip it. And I’m just gonna finish it all off with some more expensive mist. Yes god, I love a good facial. I’m so f*cking wet right now. So after all these products, does my skin look clearer, younger, more toned? Well, it’s hard to say for
sure, but it certainly is moist. This is the part where I usually
just stare at my own face for 10 minutes and
contemplate the futility of my struggle against
the ravages of time. (magical music) (crying) I’m fine, it’s fine,
this is fine, it’s fine. (“Faceshopping” by Sophie)
♪ My face is the front of shop ♪ – Vanitas vanitatum et omnia vanitas. For dust thou art, and unto
dust shalt thou return. Leastwise I shall bequeath a female skull. – (sighs) So, isn’t
beauty supposed to be fun? I’m not having fun right
now, why am I not having fun? I guess I just don’t feel beautiful. And I know a lot of
people think I’m pretty, and I know a lot of other
people have it worse than me, and I know I should be grateful, and I know I’m privileged to
be able to get plastic surgery, and I know I shouldn’t care so much about this in the first place. But the truth is that
this just eats away at me, and I’m losing a lot of
time and life to this pain. I’ve been kinda depressed this last month, and I think part of it is
that on a subconscious level I think I was hoping that surgery would completely change my self-image and make me like myself,
but it really hasn’t. I mean I’m happy with the results, I’d do it all again, but I still
feel the way I felt before. You have to keep in mind that surgery fixes very specific problems,
like the Adam’s apple problem or the way my forehead
looks in profile problem. But it’s really not a solution
to deep psychological issues. I still don’t feel beautiful,
and I need to face the fact that I’m never going to feel beautiful unless I change the way I think because I’m trapped in
a doom spiral over here. And if I’m ever gonna get
out, I think I need to start by forgiving myself for
wanting to be beautiful. There’s lots of reasons
to want to be beautiful besides being shallow and vain. For one, beauty is associated with youth, it’s a symbol of life,
of defiance of death. That’s a profound thing
to be concerned about. See I’m not a bimbo, I’m a poet. Beauty is also associated
with moral worth. The beautiful princess
versus the evil hag. There’s studies showing that conventionally attractive
people are more likely to be assumed to be happy,
healthy, and trustworthy. They’re more likely to be hired. So it’s not just about Instagram likes, this is serious stuff. And we the woke, we’re all aware of this. We know that beauty is power,
that beauty is political. We know that beauty standards
come from the people with privilege in an unequal society. We know it’s unjust that
being light skinned, cis, able-bodied, or thin is
considered more attractive than being dark skinned,
trans, disabled, or fat. We know that female beauty matters so much because patriarchy. We know that our obsession with beauty is being provoked by advertising,
the cosmetic industry, and beauty influencers who are
trying to sell us products. We know, we know, we know
all this because we’ve all been sitting around
critiquing it for decades because that’s what leftists
do, we critique things. We are finely tuned detectors
of racism, sexism, ableism, fatphobia, transphobia,
and capitalism run amak. We notice an injustice,
we problematize it, we critique it, and then we cancel it. But what’s next, when we’re
done critiquing things, what are we supposed to do? Because I’m aware that
conventional beauty standards are a racist, sexist, ableist, fatphobic, transphobic social construct designed to preserve power
relations and sell products, but does that awareness
mean I desire any less to be conventionally beautiful? Well, no, I want it more than ever. The problem is that the
intellectual exercise of critiquing things doesn’t usually affect my desires very much. So what am I supposed to do, sit here in silent contemplation until my desires finally align themselves
with the interests of the international
proletarian revolution? Oh f*ck the revolution, I
want to be a pretty rich girl. I don’t wanna be ContraPoints anymore, I wanna be Gigi Gorgeous. Fighting fascists on YouTube was an idea I came up with when I
was a male alcoholic. Unfortunately, America needs
a ContraPoints right now more than it needs a 30 year
old Gigi Gorgeous impersonator, so I guess I’m stuck with it. Maybe it’s for the best. Critiquing society may
not change our desires, but it can motivate us to change society, and changing society
can change our desires. So how do we change society? – Revolution. – Well sure, revolution. Depending on what happens in 2020, I’ll think of grabbing a brick myself. But failing that, I think
there are ways we can work to loosen the grip of
restrictive beauty standards without the futility of trying
to stop caring how we look. I do think representation matters, and I think having visible beauty icons who are dark-skinned, or trans,
or gender non-conforming, or disabled, or fat, or over 35, or influencers makes a big difference. Beauty standards are social constructs, and social constructs can change. That’s why it’s so important
to recognize that influencers (clapping)
are just as valid as other celebrities. But the problem with changing society is that it takes a long time,
and this video is almost over. Where I can see an escape
from my particular doom spiral is in style as an
alternative ideal to beauty. You can be stylish at any age. You can be stylish
whether you pass or not. Style is a way of cultivating
a personal aesthetic that you have complete control over. It’s like art in that
originality is a virtue. Style is an individual aesthetic, unlike the collective
aesthetic of beauty standards. As the poet Wordsworth said
about artistic appreciation, “Every author, as far as he is great “and at the same time original, “has had the task of creating the taste “by which he is to be enjoyed.” So even if you don’t conform to conventional beauty standards, through the power of original style, you can create the taste by which your unique beauty is to be appreciated. Society may frown upon
us six foot tr*nnies, but if I know I’m dressed
well or my makeup is snatched, I can easily abide any comment, any stare. I can be misgendered at Dairy Queen for all I care, it does not matter. I can strut with confidence
because I am basking in the regal knowledge of my
own aesthetic superiority. “Bow before me peasants,” I proclaim to the drive thru window,
“for I am serving a lerk.” “Sir, this is a Dairy Queen.” So I guess that’s the solution. I can’t believe I
single-handedly ended capitalism. Now does that mean I’m not gonna get a lot of expensive plastic surgery? (bouncy piano music)
F*ck no! What do you people think I am, some kind of transgender Mother Theresa? Goddamn, the audacity of
you people, the hubris. Look, I need plastic surgery
because I have no style. In fact after the month I’ve had, you should be grateful I’m
wearing clothes at all. So, that’s it for me,
I guess I have nothing but the decay of time and
age to look forward to. (sighs) I guess I’ll just
have to find my self-worth in cultivating kindness,
intelligence, and inner beauty. Ew, gross. (“Gymnopedie 1” by Zoe Blade) I’m drooling all over
myself because my jaw is still numb from the surgery. Love that!


  1. Huh. Yeah, I definitely only dress in real clothes (not yoga pants or pajamas) or wear makeup to either achieve minimum social acceptability when I leave the house, or to bring joy to my husband. I never wear it "for myself". I don't get that at all. I love dressing for him & think I can be hot when I try, but I have no need to "feel beautiful" for myself. It's always for other people and I'm fine with that.

  2. GIRL <3

    You are awesome! Speaking as someone who has struggled with all of these same concepts of beauty, i think you explained it perfectly.

  3. Hey gorg! Dismiss hateful comments! You’re serving up a whole lota glam 💄 your expression of femininity is valid to me 🤷‍♀️ I love looking feminine and experimenting with make up looks (but not on the daily 😪) it’s a lot of fucking work! I commend you girl 🏆just remember to always practice positive self talk! Don’t let the telescreens take you down ✊🏼

  4. I’d like to add on to the point you made about women in higher education. I completely agree with that, before I realised I was a trans guy, I had this pressure to ignore everything feminine and I constantly had to prove to other people that I was a nerd, but after I started presenting as male, I’ve let myself be a bit more feminine and people don’t question me when we’re have a conversation about something nerdy.

  5. Sooo are you still out here being super woke but still saying fish to talk about cis women as if that isn't openly shaming and degrading vaginas? Trans women really get misogynist to female genitals.

  6. What has helped me in the past is to try and accept the way I look ? Not even love or anything at first but rather to look at my flaws and tell myself that: "this is the way my flaws look and thats okay. I am imperfect and that makes me enough". I know its hard at first but lowering my own standards of how much beauty i expect of myself really helps.

    Hope it helps you too!

  7. Climate Change = Near Term Human Extinction. Thanks for keeping it real on that point. Not sure any of us on earth have a decade (let alone "decades").

  8. makes a video about incels critiquing them. goes out of her way to get plastic surgery and puts makeup to be more attractive. glad to know you finally agree with us incels.

  9. I find toddrick Hall's drags much more healthy minded than wtf you are trying to do:
    They look like what they are, gay men having fun dressing up.

    Women wear makeup because the initial means seduction got internalized by mimetism among females and beauty because a value scale. Young girls makeup because mom and friends do so. It's just retarded (like bro muscleing.)

  10. in case people think the whole "women getting judged on physical appearance on a regular basis" thing doesn't happen, on Friday i had one person tell me i looked nice because my clothes actually fit for once, and then i had 2 people tell me i was too skinny, and then my mom's friend said i looked nice, and my mom said the skirt i was wearing was too short, and my other friend told me my hair looks dull and i need to get highlights.


    i'm glad that was it, because the next person who even LOOKED at me…i probably would have strangled the shit out of them and told them to mind their own goddamn business, as i was watching the light leave their eyes.

  11. Randomly came across this video and I love it! The comedy and education and the real world point of you. The mix made this great! Also certain parts reminded me of the main character from Scream Queens. But not in that vindictive way of the character but the obvious obsession she had with beauty and acceptance. Lol. Glad I came across this.

  12. I don't often feel pretty, either. When I do, it's quickly quashed when I encounter cisgender girls when I'm out and about. Girls who aren't as gangly as I am, or who have nicer hair, or no visible pores. But when I do feel it, I try to enjoy it as long as possible. Strangely, many of my 'idols' are women over 40 (I'm 21 myself), but I suppose that's because there's a dignity to them that I don't find with women my own age a lot of the time. I find makeup a challenge and if I could afford FFS, I'd get it in a heartbeat, albeit in concentrated areas (a brow reduction and tracheal shave). But, as you've said Natalie, being stylish is more accessible than being 'beautiful', and I enjoy that approach. It's comparable to Dita von Teese's philosophy of glamour (again, a woman I highly regard). Glamour is for anyone, and creating yourself is fun and accessible. I'd say being styling and being glamorous go hand-in-hand. I know why I want to look the way I want to (1930s-50s fashions, clearer skin, all that jazz) – it's performing femininity, but I love that. And I can accept that it's also probably overcompensation to a degree. But I'd rather be this version of femininity – my version – than an Instagram-ready, bronzed, highlighted, cookie-cutter girl. And yet, and yet, I still have this underlying desire to be like any other girl. Wearing jeans and a top, no makeup, plain shoes, I blend into a crowd. I might warrant a second glance from someone – but I don't imagine it's due to any performance or construct of femininity. It's because someone found me worth looking at, out of all the others in a crowd. And being found beautiful by someone else is, sadly, more validating at times than those rare occasions when I myself find the girl in the mirror worth looking at. Everyone wants to be beautiful, as a base want. To be visible and appreciated. It's just harder to find that in yourself. – Alex

  13. So, as usual, incels are right all along… Bones, or more accurately, your skeletal structure makes or breaks your attractiveness.

  14. Once someone told me to think about things that make me angry when I work out, so now I work out like crazy! So many dysfunctional people around – no shortage of angst. Now everyone wants to f-k me, no one wanted me when I was 300lbs.

  15. This isn't relevant to the topic of the video but I got an advert for Mermaids before this video which I think is pretty cool

  16. Your production, performance, and writing is all so brilliant i almost can't stand it. This topic in particular needed to be addressed and you nailed all the nuance perfectly. Keep it up babe, you're killin it <3

  17. This is the third video in a row I'm watching. Your genius is well appreciated yet do we not expect less from the most tested group of people on the world. You look like Celine dions long lost beautiful daughter in the make up room

  18. Cultivating compassion, kindness and an amazing style of rhetoric. You have style and it’s amazing. thank you for 30.52 minutes of release form my own fear and giving me a smile and helping me find compassion for myself.

  19. Personally, the reason I dislike it when people put in effort to look good is cause it makes me feel bad for going to an 8:30 stats class in sweats. Can't we just all not put in any effort together.

  20. I feel you. My local TJ Maxx (yeah, TJ Maxx, don't scoff) has a "Korean products" sub-section in their Skin Care section and I go to town in it. I keep my Vitamin C spray in the fridge, I have eye lid wrinkle stuff, stuff that gets rid of the dark marks I get around my mouth at the creases, etc., etc. And Hylauronic acid, of course. I am 60 and never wore makeup in my life, except to a couple of job interviews that I felt awful in. But I still want my skin to look youthful?

  21. 14:19 I'm a gamer and I feel offended

    For me it's :
    No makeup – Like it
    Natural makeup – Like it
    Campy makeup – Sometimes like it, sometimes hate it

    Classic gamerophobia, people like you are making our lives miserable (okay I'm overdoing it, discovering your channel atm, loving it so far).

  22. Idk about dysphoria but I got a bad case of 50 and I ask myself all of these questions (along with WTF happened to me?!) every time I look in the mirror.

    Wait till you get to this conundrum: you achieve looking pretty and then wonder if everyone secretly thinks you’re trying too hard for a woman “of your age.”
    PS. You look really good. Better than you think you do and I really mean that 😘

  23. Women are expected to be effortlessly beautiful which is a rarity. If you're vain, then you're shallow. If you don't care and you're not gorgeous, then you're gross. So, pretty much everyone loses.

  24. Okay you actually look like 10 times more feminine and youthful without makeup imo. I hope that isn't offensive at all. I just felt like I saw you for the first time, you know?

  25. 14:34 This is true. I wear primer, concealer, foundation, bronzer, blush, highlight and mascara to work. I look like my skin is made of plastic and I crushed diamonds onto my cheeks. My male coworkers still think I wear no makeup. The ignorance… unbelievable.

  26. I think it's actually a good thing that lots of women (in higher education, which is my environment) and elsewhere are not wearing makeup on a daily basis. I agree that women are pressured to be beautiful by society (and then mocked for trying to achieve it), but the key to breaking that pressure is to not internalize it and realize that a woman's bare skin and original features and hairy legs are all more than good enough, and that physical beauty has nothing to do with a woman's importance and worth.

    Makeup can be fun and artistic but it should stop being regarded as something women have to do to appear professional or special or womanly. I disagree that women in grad school who don't wear makeup are doing it because of the reasons you stated-for example I don't wear makeup because it's one less time and money drain and I simply don't see the need for it. I want the standards for physical appearance to be as lax for women as they are for men, or even more relaxed. For makeup to truly be an activity free from insecurity and body image issues we need to first reject this idea that makeup has anything to do with professionalism, and that will only happen if women being bare-faced is normalized in professional (and many other public) spaces.

  27. My lifes goals wish is to b beautiful and help others on that journey xoxo ♡♡♡♡♡…loves u contra…."Story timmmmeee" lol jokes inner beauty and outer beauty is a good goal for all humans then none will b rejected by looks but by whom we r on the inside good non demanding person lols eg self confidence… mayb shes born with it maybes shes just perfect as contra points lols eg sarah michele gella….ef the haters no time for bullies lols darn the shades lols b ready for anything xoxo timing…if ur human, u have body hair and ur sweat smells bad either gender or oriention……even cis womens goal is to b beautiful and convince the world thier shite and farts dont stink lolsjokes #beautyflex♡♡♡♡ lols #beauty is serious stuff is y 1% of the world is eg victoria secrete models #andrea pevjic, change society by stopping stigma

  28. This is the first video of yours I've ever watched (Kristen Leo sent me here) and I think have found love 😭 like from the very beginning I was hooked and your voice is everything 𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙠𝙚 𝙢𝙚 𝙢𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙮 and this may be irrelevant but you are GORGEOUS 😭 and funny and rELatAbLe lol

  29. I am pretty sure that most of us, women, go through that feeling where you think you're ugly o look awful for most of the time except for that rare moment. I personally feel the prettiest before or after my period. It's probably something to do with our hormones. Like when I took my profile picture I was feeling beautiful thus why this is the picture I use.

  30. While I find the subject somewhat boring (cis male, so wrong audience I guess), I keep watching for that voice and crisp editing. It's pure aural pleasure to listen to you speak.

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