Bill Dana on The Golden Girls

Bill Dana on The Golden Girls


– I wish I’d taken my raincoat. – Why are you two dressed like that? – These are our costumes for the play, Dorothy. We were in the middle of dress rehearsal when they
told us all to go home right away. – There’s a hurricane heading for Miami. – I think I will take a slice of cake. Hello. – Uncle Angelo, I’d, uh, like you to meet, uh
uh – I’m Sister Rose. – How do you do? Nice to meet you. – I’m Sister Blanche. – Glad to meet you. – We’re here, uh, collecting lingerie for needy
sexy people. – I just heard on TV the airports are closed. There’s a big hurricane headed this way. They want everyone to stay just where they are. – That means we could be trapped together for
days. – Oh, Jesus! Please protect us and watch over us in this
our hour of need. – Amen. – I’m not a priest. – Angelo, get back here what do you mean you’re not a priest? – I cannot go on with this deception any longer. I can’t marry you I’m not a priest. I never was. – Uncle Angelo, what are you talking about? – I gotta sit down. – Let me tell you a story. Picture it: Sicily, 1914. I promised our dear sainted mother on her
deathbed I’m-a gonna join the priesthood. On my way to the seminary in Palermo, I stop
off in a local trattoria for a glass of Chianti. The waitress bring drink to the table is a
vision. Luscious lips, full bosom and a behind so
round, so firm, you got to fall down on your knees and cry put at its magnificent regal of
beauty. I’m a butt man. Anyway, my devotion to God doesn’t waver. But suddenly, the idea of living with a bunch
of guys in itchy robes doesn’t seem quite as appealing as that tuckus. So I tear up my priest application, ask Filomena
to marry me, and we lived the next 72 years in wedded bliss. – Why did you keep it a secret all these years? – I was afraid my family gonna turn on me when they find out that I broke a promise to Mama on her deathbed. – I promised Mama I’d marry Benito, the town’s
organ grinder monkey hat manufacturer. – And you didn’t do it? – Please. I loved my mother dearly, but I had my own
life to live and I guess you did, too, Angelo. – Can you ever forgive me? – Oh, of course, Uncle Angelo. Actually, we’ve all been deceitful, too. Stanley and I are divorced. I hope you’re not disappointed. – No. I’m thrilled. I never liked him. He’s a yutz. – And we’re not really nuns. – We’re actually gorgeous private citizens. – Now I’m confused. – Come to the kitchen. I’ll fix you some breakfast and explain the
whole thing. – Oh, Sophia. I was getting ready to go to the shelter. What are you doing here? – Angelo, you’re my big brother. I can only come to you. I’m in trouble. – Then the boy will marry you. – No, no, it’s nothing like that. I’m having problems with Dorothy and Gloria. I’m a terrible mother. – You’re a wonderful mother. – No, I really upset my Dorothy. She’s at a very difficult age. Just out of menopause, but the sex drive isn’t
totally dead yet. – That is an awkward time. – And Gloria, she’s my baby. She hasn’t even lost any of her adult teeth
yet. – I’d kill for a piece of corn that wasn’t creamed. – I’ve done a very stupid thing, Angelo. I arranged for Stan and Gloria to get together. I should have known better. It’s like when they were young. Whenever Gloria took one of Dorothy’s old
toys, Dorothy would get interested again and want it back. I can still hear her yelling, “Gloria took
my stick. Gloria took my stick. – Boy, we come from a poor family. But the way I see it is, you gave Stan to
Gloria. But Stan is not a stick. He’s not a Betsy Wetsy. He’s not a rubber ball. He’s a man. – You are so wise. – I listen to a lot of talk radio. I think your love for one child blinded your
love for the other. But I think you did Dorothy wrong, and I think
you must make it right. (CRASHING) – We’d better get to the shelter. Oh, the entrance is blocked. We can’t get out! We’re gonna die! – All right, don’t worry. I have a plan. They taught me how to deal with emergencies
in the Italian Army. Help! Help! Help!

29 Comments

  1. We need the scene where he comes to the house to see Blanche, and he comments…
    "Are you telling me… I shaved my shoulders for nothing?!?"

    Comedy gold!
    www.GoldenGirlsNews.com

  2. so bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha bahaha

  3. Why couldn't they just tell Angelo the truth about why Blanche and Rose are dressed as nuns? It was only for a play. It's not like they were playing naughty happy fun time nuns. (I might be going to hell for that lol)

  4. My favorite was when Uncle Angelo was telling the story about the younger women who left him even after he wore the tight bathing suit that showed off his "gingerbread." Β He asked, what does a basketball player have that I don't have? Β And Blanche answers, "Well, speaking of the gingerbread alone….."

  5. It's interesting that in a couple of episodes Sophia (or one of her siblings) talks about her mother back in Sicily who was near death, but in the Mother's Day episode, Sophia's mother (played by Bea Arthur) is alive in the 1950s in Brooklyn

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