Finding a silver lining

Finding a silver lining


– I don’t even feel like doing the intro. (laughs) – Hey everyone, this is Hallease, digital
storyteller and producer. – And I’m Mr. Hallease, I just like just randomly
do Beat Cast episodes with no prep. Roll the music. (techno music) – Welcome to another night
episode of the Beast Cast. We are not sure how well
these are gonna fly. – Yeah. – We are just… (mumbles) – I’m at six, yeah. – But you know, we’re just doin’ it. – Yeah. – So here we are. – Here we are. – Just to set the record straight, I was just trying to have
a conversation with you and not record it. – Mhmm. – Then he was like, oh
we should record it. And it’s like, okay. So here we are. – Mmm. (laughs) Super excited. – I’m entertaining this because
I do what the Beast Cast to be more like your thing. – More like my thing? Oh. – Yeah I want you to take ownership of it. So yeah. – Okay. So I made chili. It was a gluten free chili, in the instant pot.
– Very delicious. – Hashtag, not sponsored. – Yeah. – Not a sponsor. – Yeah, hashtag, not spon. You got it. – It was really good. You had a rough day. 2019 has been a series of challenges. – Already. – In terms of days. – I’m tired already, – This isn’t 2018. – This isn’t 2018. – Right. So we’re not comparing it to 2018. – No. – This is not the year of the shambles. – No. – But it’s still hard. – It is, man. It is. – That prompted… – Alright, I should do
back story, explanation. – Yes, the fade away. – Okay, let me set the scene. (ice swirling in glass) – Open. It’s a dark night. – Are you done mixing your
drink, so I can keep talking? (laughs) – Is that how it’s gon’ be? (laughing) – Dang, we don’t have to shoot
this if you don’t want to. – I’m just kidding. – Okay. – So… I’m driving to CVS to
get some nasal spray. ‘Cause my nose is clogged. ‘Cause apparently I have allergies. – Imagine that in Central Texas, anyway. – Who knew? So I go and on my way to
go get my nasal spray, I’m driving in the car, and I’m just like, I’m tired. To my core. Sleepy, you know what I’m sayin’? You know, to be fair,
it’s been a rough day, you know what I’m sayin’? It’s not been an ideal day, it hasn’t been a bad day, either, it’s just been a day. Just a day. – Yeah, I mean, when
you’re not mentally braced for crappiness, and it just kinda immediately
slaps you in the face before you take a defensive posture. Then you’re like… Okay. – (chuckles) What was that reading you sent to me the other day? Where it’s like, Jesus
sighed deeply in his spirit. (laughing) I feel like I’ve been
sighing deeply in my spirit for a while. Anyway, I’m in the car, driving. And I was just like, I’m
tired to my core or whatever. And then this other voice, which happens every now and
then, I’ll get this other voice. I hesitate to call it the Holy Spirit, because do we ever really know? But I get this other
voice that’s just like, don’t work for a year. And I was just like, what? You know. It’s like, yeah… Take a year off. I’m just like, I can’t do that,
that’s not what people do. You can’t just take a
year off from things. That’s hot how life works. You can’t just peace out
for a year, you know. – Wait a minute, no, you’re
inserting my opinions… – No, I’m… The voice thing. This was what happened… See this is the problem too,
when I explained things to you. I’ve already rationalized
everything on the way home. So now I’m backtracking,
explaining to them the rational process that what happened. – Okay, okay. – So yeah, I was like, what, I can’t do that. The voice was like, why can’t you? Think about it, really. I’m just like, that’s a good point. How much money do I have to make… To not work for a year? You know? I kinda did some rough
maths and was like, huh. That’s not… It’s not no money. But it’s not crazy money. I don’t need to make six
figures or somethin’ crazy, you know what I mean? Then I was like, oh, man, I’m comin’ up on 30. What if August 23rd, 2020… Work is optional? I don’t have to work. – Just for that year. – For the year. Whoa. What if I start now and grind. So that by August 2020, August 23rd, 2020, work is optional. And I say that knowing full well I can’t just chill and
do nothing for a year, ’cause it’s just not who I am. I would just do more stuff
on the YouTube channel. (laughs) You know what I mean? – She’s like a shark, y’all. If she stops moving, she dies. – Yeah, I would just do more
stuff on the YouTube channel. But really, to me, just
doing YouTube stuff… And if I make some ads revenue, cool. If I don’t, that’s fine too. ‘Cause it’s not dependent on it, you know? If a sponsor comes my way, awesome. But everything for the year is optional. I’m not in a place of
desperation for a year. – So my immediate thought… Was… Well that’s a privileged idea. A lot of people… – And I was like, you’re not wrong. – A lot of people don’t
have the luxury of thinking, or they do think. But that’s the only luxury that you have. It’s like, wow, I wish I did not have
to go to work tomorrow. – Yeah. – Man, I really wish that. God, work sucks so much. And then you go to work,
you get the weekend. And you do that for 50, 60 years. Then you retire, quote on quote. – Yeah, but why do you have to do that? That’s one way to do it. – That’s one way to do it, right. Bless you, Poochie. – Yeah, Poochie sneezed. That’s one way to do it but you don’t have to do it that way. – Right, but it’s just like… Again, the hierarchy of needs. It’s like a lot of people don’t have that. ‘Cause they don’t have the immediate needs of the day to day, right? – Yeah, totally. – I just want you to just accept– – No I definite… Yes. – Speaking that into the ether, it’s like, oh, well, this is automatically gonna rub some people the wrong way, ‘Cause it’s like, oh,
they just don’t wanna work ’cause you’re millennials, right? – Oh, I didn’t even go there, but okay. If you wanna take it there. – I mean, I’m sure some people will. Second thought was… If you wanna do it, you’ve
already kind of been doing it for the past eight months already. Beginning June of last year, I mean, you’ve been hustling. – Mhmm. But it’s like you’ve been
doing bits and pieces trying to make it work. – Mhmm. – In my head, it’s like, it just sounds… It almost sounds like what
you were already doin’. – Whoo. I take offense to that. But alright. (laughs) – It’s not like you weren’t doing nothing. – Yeah. – You’re just like, oh,
I don’t have to work. There was a period of time. There was a period of
time where I was like, so what are you doing? What does this entrepreneurship mean? – Mhmm. I remember that. – Me being YouTube, me being on YouTube. I was like, okay. And other things, was like, okay. Then eventually, the other things dropped and it was just me bing on YouTube. – Mhmm. – I said, well that’s not sustainable at your current numbers. It’s not sustainable. And you’re like, no I can
get up to a certain level. It’s like, yeah… Over the course of years. So I’m talkin’ about that period, which I mean you were still… – I was still making money then though. I had Adobe and I had
YouTube Creators for Change. – Mhmm. – So I was never not making… I’m just saying, just, you know. – So this is also gonna be a conversation. (laughs) This may not all be used This may not even be
a salvageable episode. But we’re just tyrin’ to get it on there. – Yeah. – There’s gonna be real emotions in this. – Mhm, mhm. – Be forewarned. I don’t… That thought being spit out and irreversible… I don’t see anything wrong
with what you’re doing because we’re still sustaining
the lives that we have. If you can save up enough money, and that’s what you need
for you mental health or that’s what you wanna do for a year, that’s cool. But then you posed whether or not I would wanna do the same thing. – Uh hu. – And to me it just didn’t
make sense in my head. Because it’s like, well, so how much money would we
need to save, realistically? Ish, just throwing out a stupid number, 130, 140, right? – Mhmm. – That’s not what we make combined but that’s more or less
what we’d need to do to not work for a year. – Yeah. – And that doesn’t make sense to me. Because I don’t wanna spend
that money doing nothing when you could invest that money and then in a few years… Quasi, retire early. – Yeah. – That’s a lot of money. $130,000 dollars, invested,
in CDs or whatever? And just having continual return? That’s a lot of money saved up. – Mhmm. – And compounding interest, that’s the investment that I see. I don’t see the point in
spending that money on me to do nothing. – To me it’s more like
a feeling or just… I just want the feeling
of waking up and not… Everything’s optional. Do you wanna work today? I don’t think I do. Okay, it’s optional. I just want to feel
that for a little while, you know what I mean? To me, the money makes sense. It makes sense to have
a sprint and try to save and do it. Then live that. It’s a reality I’ve never lived in. Work has never been optional for me. – That’s an experience… I mean, it’s never been optional for me. So that’s an experience
that you wanna live in for a year? – Yeah. – That’s a finite period of time. Then what happens afterwards? – Go back to producing. – Does this feeling that you have now, is that satiated? – What do you mean? – Does it go away? – I mean, I feel a little better. – Or every so often you’re
gonna need to take a year off? – Maybe. I just picked a number, I don’t know if it needs to be a year. It could be six months. It could maybe even be three months. I don’t know, I don’t know. But I would really like to not… Worry about money for a minute. Especially listening to you say, oh you know, there was a
time when you kinda did that. Was like, oh wow, okay,
that’s interesting. – Well I mean, from my head… – From your perspective, it seems like I was just chillin’. That’s cool. – So I’m thinking about it in hindsight. (laughing) I know that you were working. – But do you though? – I do. Again, you were not
making it abundantly clear as to what you were doing all the time. – Uh hu. – And I’m not the type of
person who needs a status report every day or every week
or whatever, right. – But you kinda did for a little while. Need one. – I kinda did. So back in 2017, when you
first took a month off work, I felt relieved knowing
that you were doing things. Because I didn’t know
what any of this was. You were like, ah, I don’t
feel like I wanna be… I don’t think I wanna work for this bigger production
company forever. – Mhmm. – Even though it’s… Again, I’m fine with the status quo, I’m fine with maintaining and I’m fire with a little
bit of cushion, right? – Mhmm. – I did not… I saw but I didn’t… I underestimated how much
it truly affected you. Like with me now in the
current job situation. (exhales) I saw that you were working hard. I saw that you were always, one, answering e-mails,
two, sending stuff out and three, doing things. – Mhmm. – So I might not have
made the right correlation when I thought your
proposal was the same as what you were doing last year. Sorry if that came off as crass. (laughs) Or was offensive to the amount of effort that you were putting in. – You mentioned earlier, well that just seems like a pipe dream. And it’s just like, why? – Oh, I mean… To me I almost don’t wanna
think about that situation. ‘Cause it just doesn’t seem feasible. – Saving money to now work for a while? – Yeah ’cause think about how much money we’re
actively saving right now. – Right. – It’s nothing. We have not added anything to the savings in I don’t know how long. – Uh hu. That’s not true. I’m just doing it more in chunks now. – Excuse me. – It’s just the way I’m
doing it is different. Its’ not the way it used
to be when I was W-2 and now the way I’m adding to it is just large chunks at a
time, every couple months. – Yeah but I mean… So I’m not adding to it? – Uh hu. – ‘Cause I’m paying off dept. – Right. – And then again, under
our current situation, where we’re still saddled with this house, that’s not livable in, clearly. It just doesn’t seem like something that I can even entertain. – Yeah. – It’s like, well what if you could fly? It’s like, but I can’t right now. Yeah, but there’s a period of time where you probably can. Wouldn’t you live to fantasize about it? I mean, sure… But personally, no, because
I can’t see that happening. – Mmm. That makes me kinda sad. (exhales) Why are you… Maybe this is just a
fundamental difference in who both of us are. You’re just, I don’t know… It’s almost like you’re
taking into account your current situation
almost a little too much. You can’t… I don’t know, dream big or go… You have to have some imagination or then what do you gain? You know what I mean? – I mean… – You have to have a little bit of an unrealistic expectation
so that way you can break through the monotony of life. – I guess. I’ve never really been one to
fantasize about the future. – Yeah. – I just never really have been. I’ve always been about the present. Ish. – Yeah. – I don’t think there’s anything
wrong with having a goal. Typically the goal should be… Unattainable. Because if you do end up hitting the goal, then the goal was not lofty enough. The point of the goal is
to get you driven to it. – Yeah. – And you’re never supposed to get there. ‘Cause then when you get there,
then you need a new goal. – Totally. – Then your first goal was not successful. – Yeah. – So I don’t think this is wrong, I just don’t see it. Then in addition, I
don’t see the investment in that years worth of time. – Well, so that was why I
started to reframe it to you, like, okay, well then maybe
you’re not taking a year off. Maybe you’re taking a year to explore. Does that make more sense to you? – A year to explore what? To travel? – Sure. To travel or a year to just figure out something you wanna do. A year to try something new for yourself. (deep sigh) – And again, so what number
does that need to be? Because maintaining a
home to come back to, that’s gonna cost money. Unless we don’t have something and we’re trying to nomad it. Otherwise, travel is it’s own expense. So the number that you would need, that would need to factor in travel. – Right, for sure. – Or whatever else, it’s like, oh, well I wanna try to
be a professional runner for a year or something. It’s like, cool, all the
nutritional supplements, shoes, clothing, the
inevitable going to the doctor and physical therapy and
all this other stuff. All of that’s gonna have to be factored in to basic costs of living. – Right. – I guess I’m having trouble seeing… The non delayed gratification, like the instant gratification. Where you’re like, well, save
up money to get a year off. Okay, I don’t wanna
keep working til I’m 70. ‘Cause that’s what my
retirement calculator says. – Yeah. – But what if we could retire at 50? – Mhmm. – Or what if we could retire at 45? – Yeah. – If you wanna save that much money, then it’s like, okay, if
we’re scrimping and stuff to save up that much money,
then we can invest it. And bring retirement in early, where we’re more able bodied to travel. Or able bodied to continue
working and do whatever you want. I think what you’re talking
about is retirement. (laughs) – Ooh. I mean, you might be right. It’s like, am I already… I’m done at 30? I’m ready to be done now? – Yeah, ’cause that’s… – That’s, uhn.. – That’s either a level of privilege where it’s people like trust fund kids or people that have stupid
money, where they’re like, I just wanna see what it’s
like to be a barista for a day. And you go and you do the
training and you put the apron on and you do the whatevers. You make a couple bad coffees, then you go back home and you’re
like, man that was stupid. Imagine those silly people
that do that day to day. Ugh. I wanna be a pilot tomorrow. (laughs) That’s the kinda mindset… In that privilege, the privilege that… You can be that privileged
if you’ve already spent several years working, doing whatever, saving up a certain amount of money. That way you can get to
the point where it’s, what do I want to do today? Because today is just
endless possibilities. Because I don’t have to worry about bringing in additional income. – Yeah. – I’m very old school and old minded. That’s what it sounds like to me. Oh okay, you wanna get
to retirement age faster. ‘Cause ain’t nobody like working. – That’s not true. I like aspect of what I do. Even before, I was saying, I would still keep the channel going. I’m still working. – Hmm. So you’re still working… – I think what I’m trying to.. – Just leaked a little bit, sorry. – I think what I’m trying to gain is a certain level of freedom. – So you’re still working, but you’re working on your own terms. Right? – Yeah. – So you like what you do now, right? – Mhmm. – But you don’t. – Yeah. – Because you’re actively looking to get a years worth of time away from it. (laughing) So do you love what you do? No. – Oh… – I mean, think about it. You enjoy aspects of what you do. I enjoy aspects of what I do, too. But I may or may not be looking
for another job right now. Hashtag, monster.com. – You’re– – Hashtag, not sponsored. – You’re actively… – Thank you for being
married to me, by the way. – But you’re actively
trying to tell me right now that one of the biggest
aspects of how I define myself is not actually how I
should define myself. – I think you enjoy being your own boss. I think that’s what you enjoy. – Oh. – You enjoy being an entrepreneur. – I don’t like that word. – Ooh. You enjoy being self employed. – Okay, I like that better. – I’m gonna jump into
that tiger pit again. So you enjoyed last year, you enjoyed the second half of last year. Right? You did because you were the one that was the agent of change. You were like, today I’m
going to answer e-mails, I’m gonna follow up
with that other person. – Mhmm. – I already have, maybe
this other video to do. I’m thinking about
filming this other video. And you were totally happy. – Mhmm. – Because you were making
the decisions day to day. – Yeah. – So that’s what you enjoyed. And because you had those
opportunities from Abobe and from, I forget what the other one was. – Creators for Change. – Creators for Change. Because you had that, you
essentially had grants. So you were in that mindset already. You were already in that situation. Where you were like, I don’t
technically need to work but I’m doing what I wanna do. Which isn’t work. – Mmm. – You know? So now you’re back in this grind where you’re working for other people. And that’s… While it’s paying the bills and it’s everything that
you want, initially, that what you set out to do. – Yeah. – Right? – Mhmm. – You are not your own boss. – I don’t even wanna reduce
it to I’m not my own boss. I’m just not in control of my life. My life is at the whim of
other people right now. Or other entities. – That sounds… I mean, okay. – Well be my own boss
sounds very, gig economy, hustle economy kinda stuff. – I wasn’t trying to do buzz
words or anything like that. – I know but that’s how it sounds. So I wanna make sure that’s
there’s a distinction in the vocabulary. ‘Cause it’s not that, it’s like, I don’t have
the control over my life that I would like. – Right. You don’t have that agency over yourself, I get you. – Yeah. – But I think that’s at the root of this. – Hmm. – At this point in time,
you cannot achieve that while leisurely… I’m sorry, not leisurely,
but while having no… (laughs) While having minimal pressure
to bring in an income. – Mmm, okay. – Or any sort of money in. – Yeah. – ‘Cause I ain’t a sugar daddy. (laughs) – I wish. I wish you were a sugar daddy. – Sugar baby, not a sugar daddy. – Help me out a lot. Yeah. Have you ever been a sugar daddy? I don’t think you ever have for me. – No, I never made… I never made enough money. (laughs) – I’m saying for me, not for other women. For me specifically in our relationship. – I’m just talkin’ about ever
earning money in my life. (laughing) I have never earned enough money where I could be a sugar daddy. – I think you technically have. I think you technically do, it’s just all of it goes to student loans. – I am a sugar daddy. For… (laughing) For Nelnet, nelnet.com. A federal student loan management thing. – Yeah. – Dang. – I think I’m demoralized again. Just a little bit. – I mean… Low key I feel like I tell you these ideas because you are gonna have a certain level of candor
about it all or whatever. And it’s gonna hurt my
feelin’s or whatever but you know it needs to be said. But then at the same time, I also– – I’m sorry for not having a filter. – It’s fine. At the same time though, I also am hearing you be like, I
don’t think that’s possible, just makes you wanna try that
much more to do it, as well. So I feel like, to a certain degree, I also tell you this just so I can… – Prove me wrong? – Yeah. – I’m not sure how much
I like having that role in your narrative. Where it’s like this
strong female protagonist then you have this disfigured
angry guy that’s just like, you’ll never do it, you’ll never do it. Then you’re like running in spite of it. Then I trip you and you’re
like, no my leg is broke– – Why are you tripping me? – I mean it’s this whole thing. We’re becoming adversity but it’s like, oh it’s the husband. – Oh. – He never believed in her. That’s the husband over there,
he never believed in her. And I’m like (evil laughing) – I mean, I think you’re just
painfully realistic at times. And I wish you weren’t. I wish you’d aim a
little higher sometimes, just to do it. Just because. You know what I mean? It’s also like, I did kinda grow up in a situation
where my parents were like, you can be whatever you want. They never limited me
in that way, you know? Which is a good and a bad thing. (chuckles) Maybe. I don’t know. – No, I think you should
tell people that they have unlimited potential. And I’m not saying that you
are not capable of this. I guess I’m not phrasing this right. I don’t think it’s a matter
of whether it can be done. The feasibility of the
condition is irrelevant. I think we could
eventually get to a point, regardless of time frame, where we could save that money. Right? – Uh hu. – What I am fixated on is, why would you spend that on just a year? When given a little bit more time, that could play out into
either you being independent and actually being your
own production company, doing whatever you want. Or that just turns into retirement funds? Or something. Right? – I guess my thing is, it’ll never… So you’re saying that
as if time is certain. – Mhmm. – It’s not, though. – Kind of like a live for today moment? – Maybe, a little bit. ‘Cause you’re saying, oh well
I would just save that money. I would just save that
money and it be recurring. And now instead of retiring
at 70, I’m retiring at 50. And I’m like, oh, so you
really are hardcore sure you gon’ be around at 50, okay. Which reality is, you don’t actually know. You know? – Okay. – So to me, it’s like… If we’re going probability
wise or whatever. Its’ a higher probability that I’ll still be around next year, than it is I’ll still
be around in 30 years. – So why even save for retirement now? That’s not even a hundred and some, that’s hundreds of dollars per paycheck that I could be spending elsewhere. – Yeah and depending on, you know, which financial peoples you talk to, some of them will say that. Will be like, yeah don’t
be putting into this, just pay down your dept fast. Get rid of it. – But that’s not what we’re talkin’ about. – I’m just say.. You took it there though,
so I’m takin’ it there. – Well I mean, we’re talkin… I’m not talking about that, I’m just talking about spending
money on whatever I want. – Oh, yeah, okay. – So it’s like living in the moment, as opposed to living for tomorrow. – Mhmm. – ‘Cause world leaders be
actin’ kinda stupid right now. (laughs) – Yeah. – And that would suck, where it’s like, man I
almost hit $100,000 dollars in my 401K, I ain’t anywhere
near that now but… Man, I almost hit that. As the bomb slowly drops,
you’re like, man… – I mean, that’s… – It’s gonna get hot real quick. – We’re getting into
other territory again, in general. What is my thing? My big thing is adapt, right? So I’m not just thinking
about exit strategies, as far as what do I have to do to not necessary work for other people? You know, if I don’t want to. But it’s like, do I really
need to be living here? Should I be setting up and adapting to living somewhere else? I’d rather be the first
one out if it hits the fan, than the last one.
– Don’t say that. – It’s fine. Rather than the last one
out and it’s too late. What’s that… I forgot what that guy’s name was. That he was in Nazi Germany
or whatever and he was like, first they came for the Jews, then they came for this person, then they came for this group. Then by the time they came for me, I realized I had nobody on my side. It was too late. – This is one of the
things that we talked about in a previous episode. Where it’s like, we’re… We see things differently on so few issues they’re few and far in between and it’s hard to bring them up. I think this is one of them. – Yeah. – ‘Cause I don’t understand that concept. – Of bouncing? – No, not bouncing. Of saving up for a year. – Oh. – ‘Cause it’s like, look,
you need to take some time? Take some time, people take time off. – Mhmm. – From stuff. If you have enough savings saved up, then yeah, do it. But you’re gonna come to that point again. You can still keep doing bandages. Oh there’s a bleed here, bandage. Bleed, bandage, bleed, bandage. You’re either gonna be more
bandaged than anything else, at some point. – Mhmm. – Or you need to actually fix
the source of the problem. – Then by that same logic, is anyone fixing any
source of their problem? Because you’re still
talking about a bandage too. Of like, oh, well if you
need to take time off, just take time off. Yeah, that’s what I’m sayin’,
I wanna take time off. I wanna take a year off. Here’s what I have to do to do that. – That’s a bandage, I’m
saying that’s a bandage. – Oh. – The solution to the
problem is to retire early. – Oh. – Or to be financially
independent of external income. – Oh. – That’s what I’m talking about. – Well we are on two
different wavelengths. – Mmm, I mean, are we? We would be getting to that point, it would just be in time. – Yeah but it would be in
a time that’s irrelevant. – Why is it irrelevant? When you get to that time
it’s not gonna be irrelevant. – If we get to that time. It would be irrelevant
’cause it’ll be like, okay, by the time I’m 70… Then what was it all for, really? If I don’t get to really enjoy it. If I don’t even have the
strength to do anything more. – We’re not talking about 70. – Yeah. – We’re talking about 40,
we’re talking about 45. – I’m talking about 35. – Yeah. You’re talking about saving… Anywhere between 40, 50,
$100,000 dollars, in a year. – Mhmm. – To get you that year, that free year. – Yeah. – Right, you’re talking about doing that. If you’re hustling that much. – Yeah. – To save that much money. If you do that for five years. You got over $500,000 dollars. If you’re investing whatever
that you’re earning, up until that point where
you hit a $500,000 dollars, you’re almost at a million. – Mhmm. – So you borderline have met
that in five or 10 years. – Hmm. So you’re telling me to just hang on and really do a sprint for the next three to four years. – I can’t ask you… If we’re gonna do a running analogy, I can’t ask you to sprint when you got nothin’ left in the tank. – Ahh. – That’s not realistic. – Mhmm. – So if you do need to take some time off, and do three or six months or something. Where you’ve saved enough to get back into a mental head space. Then you can come back and you can hit the ground running again. And you’re like, cool, not
I’m down for the long run. – Mhmm. – Right? – Yeah. – That’s what I’m saying. ‘Cause I don’t wanna
keep workin’ til I’m 70. That’s not the life
that I’m tryin’ to live. Because yeah, then people… You work and you work and
you work and you work. And you work for, potentially, that day where you don’t
have to work again. But then yeah, you’re
not physically capable of doing all the things
that you wanted to do when you were young. – Right. – This is one of the reasons
why we don’t have kids. – I don’t know, man. I just came home from
gettin’ my nasal spray and was just like… (laughing) What do I gotta do to not work? – This was my dream and
I presented it to you and then you proceeded to just dump all over it.
– Poop all over it. Typical Mr. Hallease. Just bring me back to reality. In a crashing manner. – This may have just been a
miscommunication as to what… This is the same thing, where I went to that meeting earlier. – Uh hu. – And I was like, man, I don’t
know how that meeting went, I think it went poorly. It didn’t go the way that I wanted it to. And you were like, oh, well at least you have
this other exit strategy. Guess you need to do that, huh? – Uh hu. – Then I said, that’s not really the message that I was looking for. I was actually looking
to just commiserate. – Oh, okay, yeah. – I think that’s… Communication for 2019. (laughing) I did not understand that you
were just looking to like, no, no, no, no, what if
we just dank in this idea of what if I don’t have
to work for a year? Wouldn’t that be great? How great would that be? I just need to build that in in my head as to how great that would be. That way I can think
about something tomorrow when I wish that it was reality. – Hmm. Maybe. – With me, I was just like, mmm, well that’s whatever. I didn’t read the queue card. – Yeah. Maybe. – But we’ve talked about this in passing. – What? – We have friends that are doing this. Doing something similar
to what I’m proposing. Except actually doing it. – ‘Cause they… Well not even they, she makes… (laughs) She makes quite a bit of money. – She makes crazy coin. But I mean, I am down to do that. There’s just small sacrifices
that need to be made, again, in the short term, to benefit in the long term. – Hmm. – I think 2019 can be the year where we set ourselves up to do that. – Mmm. What does that look like, setting yourself up to do that? – Debts will be managed. – Oh, okay. – Or settled, hopefully this year. So what are we actually investing? Are we investing properly? Are we actively taking
control of our money? – That’s the other thing too, I’m thinking… If we really wanna
entertain that idea, right. Then we need to get rid
of your student loans. – Those need to go away. – Hmm. – Realistically, for this to happen. – They cannot. – There you go, that’s
what I’m talking about. Why are you saying that? Yes they can. They can go away. – Yes, they can. At the bare minimum,
it’s gonna be 10 years. – No it’s not, it can be faster. – Think it can be faster than that? – It can be faster than that. – How? – So that’s what I’m talking about, by sprinting, it can be faster than that. – What do you mean sprinting, like paying off that debt faster? That what we’re talkin’ about? – Yeah, paying off debt faster. – So we were already
kinda talking about that with eliminating debt. – Mhmm. – Then we do the… Forget what his name is… Gordon Ramsey, is it Gordon Ramsey? – I think so. – Where it’s like okay, cool, you spend as much as
you could on debt one, you paid off debt one. So then all that money
gets put onto debt two. Whatever you can put into debt
two, the minimum payment was, you’re still making it. Then in addition to that, you’re doing whatever you
were paying into dept one. Then that keeps building
up and building up and going to the next one
and going to the next one, til it’s paid off. – Mhmm. – If we get most of
the debts paid off now, then it’s like, okay, now I
just have my student loans. Now I can start chipping away at that in addition to saving more. But whatever we’re
saving, we’re investing. Then I can start chipping
away at student loans faster. – I think that’s the
wrong way to go about it. You did this before, when we were first
married and doing stuff. You keep splitting off the money so much. You’re trying to split if off
into so many different buckets that nothing’s filling. Or it’s taking exponentially
longer for things to fill. To me, it’s like, just pay it off. Just focus on paying it off, you know? It can happen faster than 10 years. – Yeah, I guess you’re not wrong. – That’s all I’m saying. You’re like, that’s never gonna happen. I’m like, wow, by saying that statement, you’re already limiting my entire life. (laughs) – Am I? – Yeah. You are. Because I mean, think about it that way. If student loans make
up such a big part of, not just your life but mine too, right? If I’m like, oh, I wanna
pay them off faster so that way we can be free of
this debt that much faster, and you’re like, that’s not gonna happen. You’ve squashed the
possibility of something great. Even if we don’t pay it off
in 10 and maybe it takes 15, that’s still faster than 40. You know? – If you think about it,
the amount that I’m paying for most of my debt right now is being split between
car and student loans. Yeah, then all that money
that I was spending, I’m still spending it. But now it’s all going to
the bigger student loan. – Yeah. – Then yeah, it’s paid
off in 13, 14 years. – Then again, how can I add
to that to speed that up and make it 7? – Mhmm. – That’s what I’m saying. – We’re still talking
about things over time. – Unfortunately, yeah. You’ve whittled me down. I’ve realized you’re right or whatever. – Okay. – But I’m looking for the concession. Right now I’m looking for, okay, where’s the silver lining for me? – This silver lining is that
we are set up, hopefully, to knock down pins. I don’t know why I went bowling. We’re getting to the
point where it’s like, yes, we can take control of
our lives, financially, again. – Mhmm. I don’t even know if it’s again. – Oh. – I think it’s just in general
– We can finally establish financial stability. – True financial stability. I think for me, I think we
both want the same things but we’re calling it something different. I want freedom. – Right. – Just out of living, just in general. And unfortunately, the only
way you can really have a certain level of freedom is my having a certain amount of money. – That’s the whole argument between being rich and being wealthy. – Yeah. – Where it’s like, oh,
you’re temporarily rich but you do not have… You just came into money. – Mhmm. There are people that
don’t worry about money. They never worry about money, they never worry about bank accounts, they never worry about anything. It just like, I have things and I know that I can tap into them and I have somebody who manages them. – Yeah. I wanna get there. – I know you wanna get to wealth, I know. – You seem like you don’t want to. Or you don’t seem like you believe that you will ever get there. – It’s just such a big elephant. You’re telling me that
there’s buried gold, buried 200 feet underground. – Yeah. – But you gave me this plastic spoon. – Mmm. – It’s like, cool, you
can’t use your hands. And it has to be that plastic spoon. And I’m watching you. Okay, I guess I’m gonna get there. It’s just… I know that it’s gonna
be at least five years. – I think the overall
arching thing I hear is I wish you didn’t
constrain yourself so much. – K. I’ll concede that. I do. I do focus a little too
much on the reality. I do focus too much on… It’s like, well we’re
never gonna get there. Realist to literally a fault. – You just said it yourself, having goals that are
lofty or whatever is good. If you have goals that are achievable then you won’t ever
really level up, right? – Oh, man, why did you just
throw my words back in my face? – But you do that. You have goals that are very, boop. That’s fine or whatever but… I don’t want a mediocre life. I don’t wanna skert by or anything. You know? I wanna aim high so I can land somewhere. – Hmm. – And I wanna bring you with me. Kinda like that movie, what’s that movie? Inception. – Mmm. – The gun fighting scene. Who’s character… I don’t even remember
all these actors names. Anyway, one actor is like, he imagines a gun and is
starting to shoot at the dream… The beings or whatever. Then Tom Hardy’s character is like, you mustn’t be afraid to
dream a little bigger. Then he pulls into frame
this giant bazooka. I’m just like, I need you
to dream bigger. (laughs) I think that’s what’s frustrating for me. – You’re making valid points. In talking, you were
talking about the immediate and not the big picture. And somehow I was the one
talking about big picture. But in my head, I’m not realistically
thinking about big picture. – Hmm. – Because I talk big picture. But the actions that I’m taking doesn’t make it seem like
we’re ever gonna get there. I understand. – K. – And I wanna get to big picture. – What is big picture for you, though? I don’t think our big pictures
are the same, are they? Maybe. – No? – I don’t know. – I mean, being free of student debt, that’d be great. – Yeah. – That’s a big step. – Yeah. It’s a doable one though. – You’re right, it is doable. Other people have done it. I would not be the first. – Mhmm. I think what you describe is nice. Not having to worry
about actually working. It’s like, I got up outta bed. I wanna go for a run. Then make lunch. Then after that, maybe
we go to the movies. Maybe we start a business. I don’t know, we’ll see what
happens on this Tuesday. – You’ve said that in a
previous video though. You said success for you is it
not mattering what day it is, what day of the week it is. – Yes. – I still keep that in
the back of my mind. For me right now and what I do, the day of the week matters. – So then my definition
of success is my goal. My goal is to get to that. – Yeah. – That is my definition for success but it’s also what I want to get to. That was a long conversation. – A little bit. – I said some things that made you angry. – It happens. – Mmm. Does it, now? – It happens to the both of us. – It happens a lot actually. – Yeah, there’s things I
say that make you angry too. – True. And that’s just how married we are. (laughing) That’s a good Podcast y’all, you should go subscribe
to Glen and Yvette’s, How Married Are You Podcast. – Oh my god. Now we have to post this episode, so we can just have that part in there to wrap it all up. – ‘Cause that was a
good wrap though, right? – That was a good wrap,
yeah that was good. – I love you though. – I love you too. (laughing) – You said that like a man
who’s on trial and is like, I need to say this because
it’s gonna get me outta jail but I really don’t like you. – I do love you. I love you very much. It’s just hard. We’re not the same person,
it’s hard to get in there. I want good things for you. Want good things for yourself. (laughs) – This is how married
people work things out. It’s talking. – A lot of talking. – Sometimes you say stupid things and you stick your foot in your mouth. Depending on how each
one of you is feeling. – Mhmm. – That may delay finishing
that conversation. That may delay it for a couple days until both of you are in a place where you’re no longer hurt. – Mmm. – And then you get back
to the original topic. That’s why some topics takes… – Years. – Well days, weeks, or years to finish up. – Yeah. – Our only problem is that
people are gonna have to get to the end of the episode to see that. (laughing) – Like, share, subscribe. – Some of y’all don’t do that. – I mean, our retention
for the the Beast Cast is pretty good. – No, it’s pretty good. – 17 minutes. Y’all are stickin’ around, you know? That’s commendable. Average watch time for 17,
sometimes 20, 30 minutes. Anyway. Like, share, subscribe or whatever. – Its actually gettin’ late. – Yeah we need to go to bed. We’ll see you next time, bye. – Bye. (laughing)

60 Comments

  1. Is that really retirement age? Maybe you are just tired and need a break? I don't think that you dislike your job, no one will ever love every aspect of their job. Even if you were to take a year off, if you weren't working at all, you would most likely become restless. God created us to work and work has its place and its purpose.

    Can you talk about how you were able to attain those grants? Did you take a grant writing class?

    The answers to your debt question: Look up Dave Ramsey. And the bucket analogy is a great one! It's true.

    I enjoyed this episode. My fiance and I have had similar conversations around quitting jobs and earning income.

    I am curious to know what Mr. Hallease views are on money, how were his parents raised with money?

  2. Pausing this at 5 minutes because I literally just had a thought about taking the year 2020 over the weekend and I'm a little freaked out by this coincidence.

  3. The candidness of this conversation is appreciated. Working/ being able to chose not to work and/or starting a new entrepreneurial endeavor can be a very difficult conversation, especially between a couple. My husband and I have these conversations as well, especially regarding “freedom” and it’s so interesting how every individual has their own fundamental differences and desires regarding financial comfort and work desires, and one of the hardest parts of a marriage is being on the same page, letting each other be themselves and respecting their differences, while still growing together to achieve combined goals as a unit. The fact that you both can sit down and have this frank conversation is powerful.

  4. I have that same thought of waking up & everything optional. I call it waking up with the sun.

    I tried to do that on my 3 day weeks at work.

  5. Lol…that intro had me lol!!! Seems like some shade was being thrown 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🏝🏝🏝🏝🏝…..That being said, thank you for being vulnerable enough to allow us to be the flies on the wall watching you work through this important issue.

  6. You are overthinking babes you are overthinking you are getting too deep into your head and you're not and you're not focusing and what's in front of you you're reaching too far is like a baby trying to walk before he can crawl. I understand everything that you're saying but when you have a 1 person working it's a lot of strain on relationship tends to decrease when one person is working even though you might be bringing in a little income there will be an animosity he may not directly put it out but indirectly it will be there it'll be like a infection creeping into your skin so I think you need to to think real hard about the pros and cons before you end up like a lot of Housewives who has not worked for a year and then when they go back to work they lost more than they were before be careful with all that thought you're putting into being tired I'm due a week retreat is meditation Spa to get out of your own way you are too intense about your life you micromanage your life too much you have to pull back a little bit and I think spa retreat with fun activities will do you some good and it doesn't take 6 months or a year to do that

  7. He has to you are not financially the only one being burdened he has to ask he has to want to know your productivity. He works in the field that does not pay. the medical field does not so you also have to put him in your 6 months and years Theory it's not working I'm what the effect will be on him. He's very supportive God bless you and he seems to be very patience but he is holding back a lot more emotions then he is sane so tread carefully. And I do understand being tired trust me I work in his field and sometimes I just don't want to be bothered with the patient I don't want to be bothered with the co-workers I don't want to put on No Scrubs I just don't want to do nothing I'm not doing nothing makes me more tired

  8. I think this video is the highlight of being married. Having someone to bounce ideals off & bring you back to reality or compromising between the couple.

    My husband comes home and want to buy some expensive car and I shut him down that it is not realistically.

    I say I wanted to pay off debt and live with no care in the world and live in a rv. My husband will shut me down & remind me that we can’t have a life for like 2/3 yrs to make that happen.

    I’m with mrs hallease I want freedom, my husband wants stuff.

  9. IT seems to be that the confusion is in the needs / wants of different spirits. Hallease has the spirit of creativity which needs periods unrestricted by material considerations to replenish and recharge and re-inspire the soul which then always her to transform and build so much more than the status quo. Yes, Mr Hallease apppreciates all this, but is tethered / weighed down by the old frameworks and paths of economic stability and his own financial burdens. I am sure he'd be able to dream bigger (even a little) if he didn't have that financial dead weight dragging him down. [Listens some more] Wow! So much honesty and truth here. Hallease you are a natural Solo-preneur (there's a book called exactly that on amazon – check it out). You both have solid amazing desires and you could both have it, if you worked collaboratively rather than thinking you are at odds. I wish I could chat to you both in real time because the life you both crave would be … no … IS attainable if you both work from the same point rather than positioning yourself at conflicting points of views. Keep talking with loving, open trusting hearts… the answers will come.

  10. 24:39 is revealing easier to stop trading time for money, "where is my cheese, who moved my cheese?". Nurses and Filmmakers can do it, just not in any traditional way…35:39 oh, fun fact, the average cost of raising a child from birth to age 17 in 'Merica not adjusted for inflation is $233,610.

  11. As a life and wellness enthusiast (read: coach), my goal is to help women create a life for themselves where they rarely feel they need to “work”. Where the abundance that they receive through doing what they love, is parallel with their levels of desire and energy.

    It’s not a fantasy. Many of us have just been conditioned to lack, and we don’t know how to build freedom for ourselves. I wish you success on your journey Hallease! I think a year (or even just 3 months) would give you perspective and motivation. Creatives’ energy ebs and flows. It’s normal and okay.

  12. I love this episode because this is so real! I am single but I struggle with both sides of this issue all the time. I work in the medical field and you are almost brainwashed to live for delayed gratification. So that’s what I hold on to and I can understand Mr. Hallease’s thoughts on this. Especially because I also have loans and that can seem like a hard stop any time I consider having the freedom to completely change my life. I definitely envy my friends who have the flexibility to be able to sell everything and go live abroad or start a completely new endeavor. However ingrained in me is the importance of job security, health insurance and planning for retirement lol. It can very much be a right brain vs. left brain conversation.

  13. I appreciate you both so much ❤️the amount of REAL I’m this conversation is something I haven’t seen on YT/TV in a while.

    Y’all are awesome.

  14. Yooooo that "what if work is optional" statement hit my core because I've been feeling this way and wanting to take my skills more seriously to turn it into a business.Student loans suck, honestly without that i could actually enjoy my salary!!!!

  15. It's interesting because if you weren't married you wouldn't have to have this discussion. You could just make the decision to do it. However, because you're married you have to consider your spouses' role or how they may be affected about this decision. I'm interested to know if you would choose to do this despite how Mr. Hallease feels about it? Do you need his permission? Or are you simply trying to take his feelings into consideration. Or are you genuinely interested in someone else's point of view because you're not sure if it's a good idea.

  16. This is a crazy subject i wasn't going to share but i had a coworker that literally passed on Saturday. Mind you this man retired literally ONE YEAR AND A MONTH ago. One year guys this man has been free from work and he died!!!!! He worked here for 35+ years and dedicated all he had to his job and his cause. But he never got to really enjoy life after work. Yes he had the money saved for retirement, yes he earned tons of degrees, awards and recognition but to only be retired for one year and die all alone ( he had a heart attack at home alone) that is tragic. He was expected to meet friends in AZ for a baseball meetup and never made it. His friends knew that wasn't like him they called the police in his home state and the police found him dead. I think this is the part of your desire to take a year off is to just enjoy being. Even if its just making a quick YT vid or talking to people and reading its just time for yourself. I think we all deserve time to just be man. This country works us like dogs and I'm assuming a ton of Americans don't get to use all their vacation time like they'd like especially without taking work with them.

  17. i feel like Hallease's theory, of having a higher chance of being alive in the next year v chance of being alive in the next 30 years, does not take into consideration how much medicine and healthcare will advance in the future. i feel like she has similar thoughts as MazeLee's Joe too! but it's really nice to see people who want to/desire instability/change in their lives rather than living their lives safely

  18. I so appreciate the honesty and rawness of this discussion. Maybe I'm off base here but it seems like I'm hearing Hallease wants to take a hiatus from the traditional, daily grind and explore more creative avenues and Mr. Hallease is more rigid and is hesitant to take a risk and go off script. I'm at a point in my life where I'm working towards retiring early.I'm 43 yrs old and I've been employed with the federal Government for 17 years plus 5 years in the military. I have the time but not the age so I'm working on early retirement so that I can focus on my culinary background and love for travel by transforming the two into my business. There should definitely be a part 2 to this discussion.

  19. I for reeeeal didn’t get what Mr. Hallease was saying until a smooth 28 minutes in. This was an incredible episode because literally everything in LIFE can be tied back to your views on *time*. How much time do things take? How much time do we have left? You learn a lot about yourself and others when forced to talk about time. Whewwww

  20. We can do all the saving and planning for retirement but we don’t know if retirement is promised to us so my husband and I try to prepare for the future but we make sure to enjoy now especially since we don’t have kids yet. My husband and I separated from the military in 2011 and began pursuing college degrees in our respective fields. Up until recently there had been times when we were either both in school, both working and one working while one wasn’t. When one of us wasn’t working it was a decision that we both supported bc we had enough income to make it work if we lived conservatively and the one not working did most of the cooking cleaning and it was a finite amount of time. Now we’re both working and we both have new jobs and feel refreshed after taking time off. We chose to be supportive of time off bc we ain’t got no damn kids!!! This is the time! When we have kids everyone is working all day everyday but until kids are in the picture, I think couples should take time to pursue what feels right. How much time depends on your circumstances. My husband took 18 months and I took 6 months. It varies but do what you gotta do. I enjoyed not cleaning or cooking for 18 months! 😛

  21. Brass tacks vs Dreaming Big. It's like watching the two sides of my brain have a discussion about the future. Seriously, this is the convo I have with myself all the time, so I feel where both of you are coming from!

  22. This was such a transparent conversation. I believe your issues can be semi solved if you both focus on paying off the loan. Once that is complete, you'll have a burden off your shoulder. Of course, keep saving up also. After the debt is gone, Mr.Hallaese may even join you in your quest to explore your dreams and goals. I understand you and I believe that what you want is definitely attainable Hallaese. Great podcast!! I was watching the video and had to leave the house, so I quickly went to my phone and listened on the podcast.

  23. Continue to dream and execute Mr. And Mrs. Hallease. If you can see it you can plant the seeds to make it happen.💓

  24. This was such an amazing episode.
    1) you have to have some imagination. You have to have an unrealistic imagination so that way you can break through the monotony of life.
    That is such a profound statement. This is a discussion that every couple has, but I'm not so sure if its so eloquently and calm expressed in this manner.
    I often feel the same way that Mrs H feels. Then my mate always has Mr. H's point of view. How to attain this goal is where we differ.

    I think he and I should watch this together.
    I'm just talking out loud!

  25. I’m doing the Dave Ramsey: Total Money Makeover program. Mr. Hallease is referring to the the debt snowball in which you pay off the smallest debt first. As you pay off the debts, you apply those monthly payments to the next debt. It really does work. It’s about changing your spending habits, creating a budget, and gaining financial freedom. Dave uses a process called Baby Steps.

  26. My spirit is with Hallease but my mind is with Mr.Halease. It’s hard out here y’all. I think when I finish paying off my BSN loans ( this year ending) imma take 6months to a1 yr off. Just to decompress and other things

  27. In my marriage, my husband and I have both had a time when one of us was home and the other work (for various reasons). What I think I hear Hallease saying and see in her body language is she is exhausted; not in the sense of being tired or fatigued from working perse, but needs a break from the grind of life right now. Last year was hell for y'all, but you had to push through it, fight through, live through it, love through it, together as a team – against the world. I look at Hallease and see a worn down sister who just needs a break to reset and recharge. Mr. Hallease is looking at the practical and realistic side of life and living (which is logical), but this ain't about that. I hope that Hallease will take an opportunity to "talk" to someone (hint). The video definitely has pros and cons , but I think it's deeper than what's on the surface. Blessings.

  28. Who saw the cut at 8:54 lmao when itell you this is my fave episode. "I was still making money though" virgo energy yas

  29. I was with Hallease all the way on this one. I met someone once who started saving for retirement in their teens, and at 25 they had saved enough to retire for 4 years before going back to work. Taking retirement breaks throughout makes a lot of sense to me – why save it all until the end when that end isn’t guaranteed?

  30. Have you all watched Kevonstage and MrsKevonstage's podcast on the dark-side of dream chasing? I love the parallel that you all posted this on the same week.

  31. This is powerful. Thanks for sharing guys. Some realities of being married to a creative and being a creative in a marriage. Sometimes you do need that time of ' freedom ' to recharge. It can be complicated to explain and for others to understand. Have you guys by any chance thought of having a conversation with Beleaf In Fatherhood and Mrs. Melanin … Just thinking about how they initially navigated relying on Yvette's salary for a period of time earlier on and how they managed to be currently debt free with only their home mortgage to pay. Also, do you have an email address for direct messaging for those who may not be on social media ?

  32. Mr. Hallease, have you thought about travel nursing to increase your income? Mrs. Hallease can have break while you do that….

  33. You guys remind me of me and my husband. I'm the "painfully realistic" one and he is the dreamer. We have been friends for almost half our lives and I realize that when we stop fighting each other's perspectives and just conform to each other, try to compliment each other's ideas, and just compromise, we get farther. But it's very tough because innately we disagree on some deeply ingrained stuff but we also make magic when we can hear each other out, come to an understanding, and work together. You guys seem to be on the right track.

  34. Man, Just when I think you guys can't get anymore vulnerable. This video happens. You two belong together. You're each others lobsters. You truly balance each other. Keep talking, Keep letting us in. Thank you for this.

  35. Great episode! I hope you do get to be free from work for a year or as long as you need.

    Also, Gordon Ramsey is a chef. I think you mean Dave Ramsey 😂.

  36. This was a great video and great conversation. I’m single but have my own internal struggle with this as well. Next year I’ll be graduating with my masters degree and it will have been my seventh year of going to school (college) continuously while also working and I’m exhausted! I really want to take a vacation somewhere awesome since I’ve never really taken one and haven’t left the US, but I know I’ll be in debt and idk if I’m comfortable taking a vacation in a bad financial situation. It’s a hard line between making sure you’re feeling good and taking care of yourself and also not wanting to fall behind financially or look like you’re not working hard. It’s hard! Again, you all always have great conversations

  37. That year before 30 can be wild. Girl, I get it, you need a break. Some time to just BE. The answer will come (as a creative, I know you know this) but you need the freedom to just exist so that what you create come from a genuine place and not out of duty because $$$ needs to be made. Whew chile, this was a hard episode to watch! I also get Mr. Hallease. He is saying that if you grind now, you can rest later and that LATER is much earlier than traditional retirement. Good arguments on both sides. I know that you will figure it out.

  38. Hallease, please don’t limit yourself and your intuition toward freedom of being. Please look up Esther and Abraham – lol I already know for sure that will seem very out there, at the very least for Mr Hallease. Also speaking as a parent and married person in my 30s, who paid off her student loans, you both are the most free you have ever been sans kids. If kids are something you’ll consider later, it will ground you more than you may realise. As a woman, it can also be harder to then get back to the core of who you are post kids. Both of you can do anything, we all can. Please don’t dampen your intuition. Think about how it has guided you thus far when taking other jumps. Thinking about how great that freedom would be, keeping that feeling alive, that’s how you’ll both get to your freedom because you will be inspired to take the right action toward that freedom. I’m so sure you can both make it happen. Wishing you both all the very best.

  39. Around min 16 – when you question why Mr. Hallease “can’t dream big” … that hits home to the core. I find myself in the same place, always looking at the practical side of my decision making. In my self reflection, I have been trying to analyze my situation, my upbringing, my ability to dream big and something that I’m dabbling with is how my parents were towards me growing up. They were great parents 10/10; I love them and thank them for all their sacrifices BUT I think unintentionally conditioned me to mainly focus on being practical my entire life. I was wondering if maybe the difference in thought process lies there for you all? I’ll give you a recent example where I noticed this with my parents – during our Sunday brunch I bring up a bunch of random topics that interest that week and since the end of last year it’s mainly involved finance and learning to manage my money better. I want to help coordinate classes for this in my community, but when I mentioned it to my parents – I don’t get much of a reaction nothing swaying good or bad tbh. But I noticed that now it causes me to question whether I want to pursue that goal or not. And if I look back, I have done a decent amount but nothing I do ever really causes a reaction from them. Like I truly wonder what I would have turned out if I had parents that were more ‘words of affirmation’ people. Again, no shade at my parents, but it’s a thought I’m existing with currently. Hope some of this made some sort of sense

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