Golden Ticket – SNL

Golden Ticket – SNL


>>>YOU’RE WATCHING TURNER
CLASSIC MOVIES. WE NOW RETURN TO 1971’S “WILLY
WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY.”
♪♪♪>>LOOK, EVERYBODY!
I GOT IT! THE FIFTH GOLDEN TICKET, IT’S
MINE!>>OH, YOU’RE PULLING OUR LEGS,
CHARLIE. THERE AREN’T ANY MORE GOLDEN
TICKETS.>>GRANDMA, THE FIFTH ONE WAS
FAKE. IT SAID SO IN THE PAPERS.
I FOUND MONEY IN THE STREET AND I BOUGHT A CHOCOLATE BAR AND THE
TICKET WAS IN IT.>>CHARLIE!
GRANDPA, LOOK FOR YOURSELF.>>GREETINGS TO YOU, FINDER OF
THIS GOLDEN TICKET, FROM MR. WILLY WONKA.
PRESENT THIS TICKET AT THE FACTORY GATES AT 10:00
IN THE MORNING. YOU MAY BRING ONE PERSON, BUT NO
ONE ELSE. CHARLIE, YOU’VE DONE IT!
LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!
UP AND ABOUT! I HAVEN’T DONE THIS IN 20 YEARS.
♪ I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I COULD BE
ANYTHING BUT CATASTROPHE ♪ ♪ BUT SUDDENLY
I BEGIN TO SEE A BIT OF GOOD LUCK
FOR ME ♪>>WHAT?
YOU CAN STAND? ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?
[ LAUGHTER ]>>YES, CHARLIE, LOOK, I’M
STANDING.>>GRANDPA, YOU’VE BEEN ABLE TO
STAND THIS ENTIRE TIME AND YOU JUST DIDN’T?
>>YES! [ LAUGHTER ]
>>I THOUGHT YOU HAD TERRIBLE POLIO.
>>OH, GOD NO! I’M OLD, NOT SICK, CHARLIE.
NOW LET ME FINISH MY SONG. ♪ I NEVER THOUGHT
THAT I COULD BE ♪>>I NEVER THOUGHT YOU COULD
WALK, GRANDPA. I DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL.
I HAD TO GET A JOB. I WORK FOR A BOOKIE.
>>AND YOU’RE DOING GREAT, CHARLIE!
>>I SCHEDULE DOGFIGHTS. LAST WEEK I GOT STABBED BY A MAN
NAMED DENNIS, IT WAS SO MUCH TUN.
>>YOU FOUND THE GOLDEN TICKET, NOW PLEASE, LET ME DO MY NUMBER.
♪ I NEVER THOUGHT ♪>>NO, NO.
YOU NEVER STOOD UP, THEN I GET A TICKET WITH A PLUS-ONE,
AND SUDDENLY HE’S DANCING AROUND LIKE GINGER ROGERS ON UPPERS.
>>NOW CHARLIE, BE EASY ON YOUR GRANDFATHER.
>>YOU CAN STAND TOO? HELL NO.
I SPONGE-BATHED YOU. I WASHED YOUR BALLS!
>>I DIDN’T ASK YOU TO. I ALSO THOUGHT THAT WAS STRANGE.
[ LAUGHTER ] CALM DOWN, CHARLIE.
>>YOU CALM DOWN. I’M OUT ON THE STREETS WHILE
YOUR LAZY ASSES ARE IN BED ALL DAY SCISSORING?
I’M NOT DOWN WITH THAT. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>COME ON, CHARLIE. CHEER UP.
LET’S GET READY FOR THE FACTORY!>>WHAT PART OF “YOU AIN’T
GOING” DON’T YOU GET, DOG?>>MAYBE SOUNDS LIKE YOU’VE HAD
A BIT TOO MUCH CHOCOLATE, CHARLIE.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>I’VE HAD NONE, WE’RE POOR.
YOU KNOW WHAT? SCREW ALL OF YOU.
>>I ACTUALLY DO HAVE POLIO.>>OKAY, GRANDMA, I’M SORRY.
I GOT TO GO.>>ALL RIGHT.
WELL, RACE TO THE MOVIES?>>WHOO!
♪♪♪ ♪ A BIT OF GOOD LUCK
FOR ME ♪>>I REALLY DO HAVE POLIO!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

100 Comments

  1. Kristen Stewart is somehow hotter as a guy….. I'm not gay…. but she just always seemed like a bitchfaced twat as a girl

  2. "You can stand too? Hell no, I sponge bathed you. I washed your balls!
    "I didn't ask you to! I also thought that was strange."

  3. But TCM doesn’t have commercials during their movies, so it doesn’t make sense that they say “we now return to willy wonka and the chocolate factory”.

  4. I really do have poilio. No, I'm not quoting the video. I actually do have polio. lol. From my left side of my waist down through my entire left leg is pretty much dead. Nerves are there but it ustt don't work. Plus I got scoliosis of the spine. Shit looks like the number five but without the top part. I'm lucky I don't look like the elephant man. lol
    So…. I really do have polio! LOL!

  5. "what part of – you ain't going–don't you get?"
    Probably the part where you never even said he ain't going, bitch

  6. Lay in a bed watching your children struggling to make ends meet and bare minimums just to jump up in glee, what a fucking asshole. Why not go use your useless legs for something good grandpa.

  7. "You can stand too, I washed your balls"
    "I didn't asked you to, I also thought that was strange"
    😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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