Grandmother’s Gold – FULL MOVIE

Grandmother’s Gold – FULL MOVIE

MOM: I just don’t know why, and I’m not bringing it up – DANNY: You are bringing it up.
MADELINE: Yeah. MOM: -but I just don’t know why we fought last year. MOM: Okay well we didn’t fight, I was just saying my opinion on it and I’m allowed to say my opinion. DANNY: You’re not just saying your opinion when you say something extremely negative to try and control us. MOM: I was just saying my opinion on your boyfriend, MOM: Danny. Okay?
MADELINE: Guys, guys, mom, mom, mom. MOM: I’m allowed to say my opinion. He’s a little bitch. DANNY: I don’t want this to be a fight Thanksgiving, so you can avoid it by not bringing up the things that you always bring up.
DAD: You just hurt his feelings, honey. MOM: I’m allowed to have — Okay — Oh, oh, so I hurt your feelings? Well you know what? I’ve always told you, “I’m gonna say what I have to say, no matter how hard it is.” MADELINE: Why?! What is that?! DANNY: That is not a good policy! You can’t just say whatever you want especially if it’s a controlled It’s – It’s a veiled attempt to control us, –
DAD: Can we not start this? Please! DANNY: – and we’re both thirty year-old adults. You don’t have to give us – MOM: Oh my God, you’re thirty. – Yes, we’re thirty! And that means that you’re, what? DANNY: Fine. Fine.
DAD: Older.
MADELINE: Mom. Mom. MOM: What is it Madeline? Just say it.
MADELINE: Everybody chill – Everybody chill out. First of all, you guys are all coming from an extremely negative space, – – but from my sociological stand point, – – Danny should not have to face unsolicited, constant criticism from you – – and if he does, then he has every right to spend less time with you. DAD: And with me, by extension. MOM: Okay. Well maybe I don’t need this kind of unkindness. MOM: Yes you were!
DANNY: You started railing on me. MOM: You were being unkind, okay? You hurt my feelings – DANNY: I’m just trying to live my life!
MOM: – You always hurt my feelings! DAD: Would you like for us to go home?
MOM: Yes, I would.
DAD: Let’s go, come on. MADELINE: Oh my god! DANNY: This is insane. MOM: Kicking us out… MADELINE: Mom! DANNY: Nobody is kicking you out; you are welcome to come back and sit.
MOM: No! You are kicking us out, okay? And what I have to say about this is you need to turn that car in for an older model. You blew ALL of your money on a brand new Fiat You’re insane! It’s insanity, okay? So, that’s what I’ve not been saying, so that in the future, you know that I know how to hold my tongue! [SLAP] DAD: You should try to talk to your friend, Jim, about finances, okay? MOM: Talk to Jim! DANNY: What is this relationship you have with Jim? You’re obsessed with Jim! I’m never gonna be Jim! DAD: Jim knows how to deal with money. You don’t! Let’s go honey, where are my keys? MOM: I got ’em! DAD: Let’s go to Marie Callender’s. MOM: Right behind you. [DOOR SLAMS] DANNY: That is just… MADELINE: Wish we had some boyfriends to eat this food with. DANNY: Yeah, me too. DANNY: One of these days we’re gonna have some boyfriends. One of these days we’re gonna have some boyfriends… MADELINE: Yeah, and it’s gonna be great. DANNY: Mhmm. DANNY: You wanna drive up to Mulholland, and go overlook the city? MADELINE: Yeah… Although, I never know how to get there. [Blue Oyster Cult – “Burnin’ for You” playing]
DANNY: So, it’s this way- -but, uh, I forget where we turn… MADELINE: Oh my God, okay… DANNY: One of these days… …we’re gonna know what all this is about. MADELINE: Yeah. Ho, ho, ho. MADELINE: Hey! VERTON: Hi- DANNY: Hi. VERTON: Alright, you ready for today’s riddle? DANNY: Yes, Verton, we are. VERTON: One night, a King and a Queen walk into a castle. VERTON: Who walked in with the King and Queen? MADELINE: Oooh! That’s a good one!
VERTON: I know it is. I wrote it. DANNY: One night a King and a Queen walked into a castle… who walked in with the King and Queen… DANNY: The castle?
VERTON: Who walked in with the King and Queen into the castle? DANNY: You’re already mad? VERTON: I mean, it’s a pretty simple riddle! MADELINE: Yeah, are you having a rough day today? VERTON: Yeah I am having a rough day, everybody quit and so I have to do the whole holiday shift by myself. Can you imagine? DANNY: Oh my god.
VERTON: Yeah, then I had to buy myself my own Christmas presents. DANNY: Oh? What did you get?
VERTON: I bought myself an earthquake kit. MADELINE: Fantastic.
DANNY: Well, we’ll think about it. MADELINE: What if- if we guess it, um… DANNY: What do we get if we guess it?
MADELINE: What do we get? MADELINE: We got the one last week. VERTON: Alright.
MADELINE: So are you working Christmas Eve… VERTON: I’m working Christmas Eve, I’m working Christmas, I’m working the day after Christmas I’m working the day after that Christmas, and I’m working New Years’ Eve and I’m working New Years’ Day. Why? What do you care? Do you need me for something? DANNY: Not that we know of.
VERTON: Alright, well, if you figure out this riddle I’ll give you 15% off your meal. OK? I’ll do that for you. For the holidays. MADELINE: That’s an upgrade!
DANNY: Thank you. That’s great. VERTON: You’re welcome, and remember: I love my riddles! VERTON: I’ll see you soon. Let me know when you figure it out. MADELINE: One night a King and a Queen walk into a castle… MADELINE: Who is…With them…
DANNY: With the King and the Queen. DANNY: Who’s with the King and the Queen?
MADELINE: Who’s with the King and the Queen? DANNY: The castle? MADELINE: I’ve been thinking about this stuff with Mom and Dad. How we haven’t seen them. And I think that they just fundamentally don’t get us any more. Like, there’s this, this divide. This disconnect. And I can’t connect with them. I don’t even want to spend Christmas with them. DANNY: Yeah. Me neither. Yeah. The vibe is very like ‘Oh, we’ve given you so much, and now we get to control you.’ MADELINE: Right. It’s offensive.
DANNY: Let’s just spend Christmas just me and you this year. DANNY: Fuck ’em. MADELINE: Great!
DANNY: Yeah. MADELINE: Yeah! We’ll just be like ‘We don’t need your presents, and we have our own lives.’ MADELINE: So we’ll just-
Danny: Yeah. MADELINE: That’s good!
DANNY: We’ll just give each other presents. MADELINE: Yeah. If you wanna push us away we’ll be- we’ll push ourselves away. DANNY: Um…
MADELINE: Yeah… I just feel like… MADELINE: …I want a lover to cuddle with or something. DANNY: Yeah.
MADELINE: Like, we’re thirty. We need, like, lovers. MADELINE: I want a beach cop.
DANNY: Beach cop? MADELINE: You know. It’s like, the cops that patrol around the beach And they’re like, ‘Hey. Hey. You guys can’t drink around here. You can’t bring glass around here.’ And they’re always, like, checking your IDs and giving you tiny tickets. They’re always, like, patrolling round the beach. They’re always going ‘Hey, hey guys. Sorry to knock up the party -but you can’t have glass and you can’t drink. Lemme check your ID.’ DANNY: Mmmmm. MADELINE: To spend Christmas with someone like that would be really great. DANNY: Yeah, I have a similar fantasy about, like, a hot homeless guy. You know those tent communities? And like… You know, you kind of walk by them and every once in a while you see somebody and you’re like… ‘What is up?!’ MADELINE: …sure…yeah… DANNY: One of those guys. (MADELINE: Wow.) Dirty. No showers. MADELINE: That would be great.
DANNY: Just the smell. The smell’s really good. MADELINE: You know, I’ve never had that, but I understand, maybe, where you’re coming from. DANNY: Mmm. MADELINE: Wow. That would be great. DANNY: They also call them Crusty- there are people now who choose to be homeless called ‘Crusty Punks’. DANNY: I think that would be hot. MADELINE: Is that real? ‘Crusty Punks’?
DANNY: Yeah. It’s a real term. DANNY: It’s like, uh… yeah. A lot of them live in tents. [Dramatic orchestral theme music] [Theme music continues]
[Coins jingling] [Music cuts out]
MADELINE: You know, I think those people poop in some of those tents. DANNY: To me, in a way, that sounds freeing. You know? It’s like, I’ve felt so trapped in my life lately. I was supposed to do something. I was supposed to be, like, a leader. There was this… idea that there was something more, and now I’m just… [Somber orchestral music starts playing] DANNY: A bouncer. You know? I’m not who I intended to be. I wanted to be a leader. That’s what I’m good at. I’m good at… leading people into a better…
MADELINE: You are. DANNY: …Life!
MADELINE: Yeah. Yeah, you’re telling me! MADELINE: I’ve got that sociology major, I don’t- I haven’t done shit with that. I’m making Christmas cards for people. MADELINE: That’s all I’m doing. I mean… MADELINE: Remember, when we were kids we wanted to explore, and we were were adventuring all the time MADELINE: Back before internet didn’t even- it was like just starting up.
DANNY: Yeah- MADELINE: So we were like… you know like, shouldn’t we have that same sort of feel right now?
DANNY: Yeah. MADELINE: Where we’re like, ‘Oh, there’s no internet and now we have to…adventure.’
DANNY: Yeah. DANNY: God, sometimes I cannot believe they just got rid of the whole thing. I wake up some mornings, and I think I can still check my email. It’s been three years! MADELINE: I mean, I feel pretty used to it.
DANNY: Yeah. MADELINE: But I, uh, I miss cell phones. DANNY: Yeah cellphones were great. I mean, but Facebook. It was a beautiful thing in retrospect, you know? MADELINE: But I mean, jeez, I was so good at like seeing an argument through, you know? MADELINE: Everyone was always fighting on there and I was always like-
DANNY: Facebook arguments. [DANNY, at the same time: Yeah, I was bad at them.]
MADELINE: tough enough to be like no, no, no, I got you. DANNY: Yeah.
MADELINE: I know what this is. DANNY: Yeah, I wasn’t tough. I couldn’t hack those comment sections. I would always like Try to post like an inspirational quote or something to kind of lift the energy but then somebody would inevitably shoot it down. Like somebody who was like Somehow offended by some part of some thing because they were feeling some thing less than perfect, wherever they were in their like troll cave MADELINE: Right Well… cheers to a year of more may we… get what we want DANNY: Maybe somebody’s watching and will grant our little wishes. VERTON: Mhmm my god I feel so much better, I just had an upside down taco. Okay, did you guys figure out, um, that riddle? DANNY: Um. MADELINE: I think it’s uh… DANNY: We give up.
MADELINE: We didn’t figure it out. VERTON: One night, a King and a Queen walked into a castle. MADELINE: Ok.
VERTON: They were with a knight! DANNY: Ohhh… that’s why you’re the best.
VERTON: That’s right. MADELINE: You’re the best [MADELINE and DANNY] riddle solver DANNY: in… MADELINE: Los Angeles D: Los Angeles, definitely. VERTON: No, in the country, baby. [VERTON laughing] MADELINE: Wait, could we maybe order? DANNY: Can we order? DANNY: Do you want me to drive you? My car is right in that… structure [said with accent] MADELINE: Ugh, no, no, I love walking at this time of night. DANNY: You’re going to walk the whole two miles? MADELINE: Especially at this time of year. MADELINE: Hey, I’m a tough girl. DANNY: Christmas in LA, man. I’m a tough girl DANNY: I love ya. MADELINE: I love you too DANNY: I’ll come to your house tomorrow… at like noon for Christmas Eve MADELINE: k. DANNY, shouting: We can make a figgy pudding. [Door shuts, keys are put down] [Footsteps] MACHINE: [beep] Madeline, it’s your mom your father and I are still wondering whether to include your brother and you in our Christmas brunch plans we know you guys got mad the last time we all hung out, but just know we’re not trying to control you we just want the best for you and- [beep, message turned off] [Door shuts] MACHINE: [beeps] [cough] Hey buddy, so I just wanted to let – hold on a second – Anyway, uh, yeah. My mom is flying in tomorrow and I wanted to know if I could come over to your house [exhale] [sleigh bells] JIM: [humming] Wil? Marj? [dramatic music] Jeeers…jeeahrs…jib, Jim! [laughs] [dramatic music] [sounds of dialing] [phone ringing] [phone ringing] [phone ringing] DANNY: I mean, what time is it? [DOOR OPENS, PHONE RINGING] DANNY: Madeline! DANNY: Madeline! MADELINE: Sorry, I just woke up. Will you get that? DANNY: Yeah. JIM: Did you get a note? DANNY: What? JIM: Did you get a note? The power’s out where you are, right? DANNY: Uh-huh. JIM: Okay, the power’s out in the entire city. Do you remember how I majored in economics and I do small business for my family on the side? DANNY: Yes. JIM: Okay, I got a note left on my door with a phone number on it. I called the number; it was your father. He told me that the economy’s crashed. DANNY: What does that mean, the economy’s crashed? JIM: It means the city, over the next 48 hours, is going to move into chaos – – as people realize that their money – and I mean all their money – has become meaningless. JIM: Your dad called to explain this to me because I have a background in economics. DANNY: Okay, well, yeah, I know he’s obsessed with you. JIM: And he said you haven’t been answering his
calls. DANNY: We call him. MADELINE: Yeah, we’re calling him…We call him. JIM: Your grandmother – not
the one on your mother’s side, the one on your father’s side that you and Madeline have never met – has a substantial sum of gold in Malibu Canyon where she
lives in a tent. JIM: I’m coming over. JIM: Hey, sit down. [sighs] Listen, I checked with my friend at
Stanford and he verified it. It checks out – the economy is completely crashing. Nobody knows it yet. DANNY: Is it because of the internet? JIM: Because of the lack of internet, yeah. You know, they thought they could do without it and go back to the old way
but the thing is you can’t go backwards [JIM ATTEMPTS TO SPEAK BACKWARDS] Nope. Just tried it, doesn’t work. MADELINE: What do you mean? JIM: Three years ago, the government took a vote, as we all know, and they decided no internet. DANNY: Right. JIM: See, they wanted to go back to the way it was before, but you can’t do that. Just because the internet had gotten so ugly doesn’t mean we have the right to get rid of it. MADELINE: It’s not such a big deal. We got rid of a thing that we invented ourselves. JIM: That’s the thing though – we
didn’t invent the Internet. I would say it’s more appropriate to say the
internet, like, chose us or arose as an expression of us – maybe the best way to say it is we are the Internet. The internet was us. DANNY: You’re saying the Internet like spontaneously arose from humanity and we
can’t just delete it without actually eventually – and that eventuality’s now
three years later – like becoming non-functional basically. It’s like
cutting off part of your body because we didn’t invent it it was just an
extension of us and then we got rid of it and now everything is crashing and
money is now meaningless. JIM: Do you know what happens when money loses all value? DANNY: I mean, I assume it’s – it’s some negative – some – JIM: Want me to tell you? DANNY: Yeah JIM: If there’s no financial system there’s nothing. MADELINE: But everyone’s fine! I mean why isn’t everybody, like, looting everybody’s houses? There’s nobody screaming. JIM: Listen! Because the government is in on this! Okay, they’re very good at keeping people in the dark with these things! It’s those
gas stations and the solar-powered bullshit that they feed – MADELINE: Those sun-powered TVs at the gas station? JIM: Yes! The solar TVs! The solar TVs! Those things are keeping society at bay, but the
truth is society’s ready. It’s cracking at the seams. The whole shebang is gonna crumble – it’s my mommy’s cookie crumble and it’s disgusting! Nothing’s gonna have any value except for water, tits, and fucking gold, so let’s go get ourselves some. JIM: Hey, do you guys mind if we do a quick pit stop at my house? I just want to pick up like a green juice and a couple jackets
in case it gets cold tonight. I also got a bunch of caffeine here. MADELINE: Okay, yeah. Aren’t you worried about time though? JIM:It’ll only take a second. DANNY: sure. JIM’S GIRLFRIEND: Are you out of your mind? JIM: Baby, there’s something there and it’s gonna be great for us – both of us – and I promise, you know, I’m gonna bring it back and it’s gonna be great. if there was room in the car I would – DANNY: There actually is room in the car if
you want –
JIM’S GIRLFRIEND: I don’t want to come. Jim, you’re gonna go all the way to Malibu when the
power’s out in the whole city? JIM: Look baby, I promise you everything’s gonna be okay, okay? You know, trust me. I wouldn’t go to Malibu canyon for no reason so.
JIM’S GIRLFRIEND: You can’t take the dog!
JIM: Okay, you’re right. Come to Papa. Gimme a kiss.
JIM’S GIRLFRIEND: I don’t know
why I’m so in love with you. DANNY: You know what was great was when we could play music – any music we wanted – through the speakers. That was crazy. I always took that for granted – just any song you want all the time. JIM: Yeah, those were the days. MADELINE: I don’t know, I kind of like this better. You can really listen to the ride. JIM: Hey, uh, what’s the tank at?
DANNY: Half. JIM: Hey, we should pull over at this gas station. I hear in an end-of-the-world scenario they give away free gas for the first few hours. DANNY: But nobody knows it’s the end of the world.
JIM: Yeah, we do. That’s the ticket.
MADELINE: So we’re supposed to
tell the gas station attendant? [Take my Breath Away by Berlin] JIM: All right. Time to lube up. MADELINE: Hey! Hey!
DANNY: Hey buddy, you guys giving away free gas? uh yeah you know I would if I could but
it’s a citywide mandate to to not let any product what electricity is back on
how’d you get a citywide mandate if there’s no electricity so in TVs every
stations got one that’s why the city is now in a momentary but critical lockdown
of all financial system comes from the air
no coordinate electricity required incredible but wouldn’t the station
after be running a lot of electricity to get the signal out I don’t make the
rules ma’am don’t call me ma’am and I’ve never said you did it’s really gorgeous
I’m sitting on me I think all right let’s cool it affect you later so there’s something I haven’t told you
guys yet what what something your dad told me I thought it wasn’t a big deal
but now that I think about it it’s a pretty big deal okay out with it you
guys are gonna have to solve a riddle in order to get the money no seriously
yeah and it’s already tough one okay well every mother has a riddle at the
end of this is it my grandmother our grandmother I think she’s got the room
that’s ridiculous I know why can’t we have parents who just give us a normal
check of money when we need help so the parents were like no we’re gonna
put you through an infinite amount of Hoops before you get there I can’t stand
this you can also choose to be into it like a game it could be like a game yeah
into it I’m not I knew it I’m not into it with our parents screwing with us is
what I’m not into okay it’s a wild goose chase
we’re stuck cold there’s nothing there the city’s fine
you watch so do you guys know any master riddle
solvers we need you everyone’s always using me for my riddle stopping
abilities then I won’t have it I’m not gonna be used to some puppet and then
discard it once the power comes back on huh I feel like I’m on Facebook I feel
like we’re on a facebook tell me what’s up fee it’s just a quick trip to Malibu
Canyon think I believe that the powers off there’s no power here you think I
can’t tell this city shutting down telling me to stay calm you know you
should do when people hate us they come don’t stay calm please
Vernon they say you’re the best guy around and are you I won the National
riddle stopping competition when I was nine and again when I was 18 I haven’t
competed things cuz I don’t need to but if you assume I’m in my mid 20s which I
would like you to do just know that I’m highly respected from the riddle solving
competition I why when I was 18 which was only two years ago I’m tiny
incredible maybe if you told me something other than oh you need to
solve this riddle and you’ll come with us and I’ll pay you $20 I said 25
dollars 25 maybe if I knew what the hell that was about I would consider it but
you’re not telling me anything and that’s on you he’s not a toy he needs to
know what’s really going on here we’re going to get $800,000 worth of gold that
our grandmother has in a tent in Malibu Canyon to try to survive whatever
apocalypse is about to hit the financial systems have all broken down they’re
trying to keep the people in the city at bay with those solar TVs they’re putting
news on them that’s telling people to stay close
I love solar TV but it’s bad from the time the power went out the economy was
completely over money is meaningless people are gonna start to realize that
over the next few hours then our only hope is to get that gold from Malibu
Canyon before we get looted or killed or trampled Wow that’s powerful it’s just
true ah our grandmother’s in a tent in Malibu Canyon and she’s gonna give us a
riddle to solve before we can get the gold isn’t she your grandmother so
didn’t she just give you by my name that’s your money that’s your family
money we don’t get it either Wow my thing it for me what if deep what
a hundred bucks $50,000 worth of the gold oh shit I only have like a few miles
left on this what should i mean nobody’s gonna go we don’t have the gas to get
there so we should try at least one more gas station to see if someone will give
us a little go okay USA yes give me that American dream hello um do you guys have a little bit
of gas to give us maybe we can siphon it off know what ma’am I’m so sorry there’s
a citywide mandate two hours ago not to sell any gas and then just now on the TV
they said that nothing in the city should be bought or sold until the
powers back on that’s fucking insane that’s like literally admitting to the
public that the economy is crashing yeah well trust me some kind of economy will
arise not one that you want to be around for may I ask what a pretty lady if not
received enough gas to put up with you hitting on me I was hoping he won’t be
putting up with it I was hoping you love me I can’t love anybody right now I’m
going through something with my parents now are you and your friends got
anywhere in particular we’re going to Malibu Canyon what’s in Malibu Canyon
Gold guys sold all right how about if I help you guys you share a little bit
with me okay how about $50,000 worth 50 thousand but
okay I’m helping you okay so you’re gonna give us some gas yeah the pumps
aren’t even pumping they’re not allowing us to pump but what I can do is let you
park your car over here indefinitely and I got a brother who can get us anywhere
in the town on foot Taylor we’re going to Malibu Canyon it’s this way come on look in my head did
dad’s lung is fine alright mom’s brain is more of a scary situation alright
don’t don’t put it that way then you’re making me feel like I got to pick which
one of our parents should die I mean that’s a bummer I didn’t mean to do that
okay I’m just saying you know why don’t we just take the money and then put it
into more money so we get more and then they get both surgeries that sounds like
a plan I mean well that sounds fantastic yeah
so then that’s we do we get the most money we can and then mom gets her brain
and dad gets her lung his lung I mean maybe we have a little money uh no no a
little bit for ourselves maybe we open up a new gas station I need to find
somewhere to take a Dookie yeah I actually have to put two I tried all the
stories up on this trip with their clothes they told everybody at home
where am I supposed to poop in the river I’ll get scurvy no thank you well
there’s look at a tent community up there maybe one of them will have like a
makeshift toilet okay let’s ask yeah hello what Oh hide your the back in
the we could use I’ll want you to just cuz we’re in a homeless camp we just
pooping our tents all the time I don’t know we just don’t know where else to
turn well you’d be right Nelson jam the lines got a poop Jen you
guys are welcome to it seems like society is really crumbling out there I
can feel it least I can do is let you guys use our little area to do your
business thank you so much god bless Hey
this shit’s on me hey wait which one is Nelson Stan somebody say they needed to poop in my
tent I did how’s your guy when you live in the tent
life your whatever people want you to be Oh God Jesus
just kidding I’m a panhandler I’m a gay one get in my tent take a poopie oh
great excellent it’s actually pretty nice if you don’t
mind every single thing about it does anybody else need to go hey Danny’s disunity to go do you want
to take a walk with me sometimes guys get weird if I’m taller
than them but to be honest with you I like guys that are like five seven this
pump cruises high yeah I can’t believe he left Scientology and became the
political leader of that small island when you fall in love with the Caribbean
falls in love right back I don’t know why but I feel like I want to take you
to Atlantis you know that resort in the Bahamas I know what it Landis’s to well
I didn’t want you to think I meant the city under the water even if it was I’d
go down there and hold my breath with you if I meant that we can do this you
don’t taste or smell at all like poop how is that possible that’s my secret
what’s the secret baking powder and it absorbs this scent
it makes it manageable Wow that makes like perfect sense listen I
gotta get back to this before you go I just want to tell you something I heard
your group was looking for like a big pot of money what who said that the
first guy who went into the tent to go to the bathroom said it pretty clearly
he said I’m glad I’m getting to poop so I could feel clean when I finally get
that money we’re looking for yeah that’s in character for him I just want to say
money isn’t everything I’ve been living like this for a year now and you know
what I realize life is it’s not money it’s not even success it’s relationships
the people that you share your life with that’s what matters after all this
living on my own out here I’ve got one thing if my parents were still alive
that’s been everyday with them because love is all you ever really have before
you die so just be here and share the love that you have those that you love
the most neeli
I hear that Thanks you guys done yeah yeah all right well I
guess it’s time work traveling on you sure you don’t want to come I can’t I
have today do you come find me when you’re done
I’ve got everything I needed but maybe not everything I want see yeah let’s get out of here guys heard you guys are looking for something
important no nothing important yeah just normal
stuff I got a question for you we’re not taking any questions at this
time bye just remember we’re walking along the ten hey eyes on that – Jeff
eyes on Olympic yes sometimes okay in peak hours are you wearing an ace
bandage what we also what star
if grown strong good afternoon hi gang let’s get some IDs out yeah yeah
my man nice nice nice okay like your new haircut very good
very good I think these are fantastic I’m just gonna hand these back to you
there you go and last one to you miss do you like the picture online
what No do you like the picture on my ID ma’am I’m on the job so I’m not gonna
hit on you I’m hitting on you fuck this well then in that case I would
have to say yes yes I like your picture very much you want to go in and walk
with me you know what everyone here seems like good citizens outstanding
people so I could decommission myself for a little bit and go for a walk with
you miss potato potato oh sorry astral Madeleine astronaut
what’d you say potato for because you said it fuck yeah let’s get out of here motion although that’s water all right try this one
voiceless a cries wingless at flutters to solicit bytes mouths listen mutters
what do you think I’m an idiot the answer is the win how about this one
I talked but I do not speak my mind I hear words but I do not listen to
thoughts when I wake all see me when I sleep all hear me
many heads are on my shoulders many hands are at my feet the strongest steel
cannot break my visage but the softest whisper can destroy me quietest whimper
can be heard oh god honey you don’t think I know that one dance is a fucking
actor please don’t give me any more actor riddles I have to be sensitive to
my friends and I think actor riddles are kind of mean okay one more this one’s
not so simple it’s supposed to be written by Einstein himself okay lay it
on me and I mean there are five houses in five different colors in each house
lives a person with a different nationality these five owners drink a
certain type of beverage smoke a certain type of cigar and keep a certain type of
pet no owners have the same pet smoke the same type of cigar or drink the same
type of beverage so who owns the fish the BRIT lives in the red house the
Swede keeps dogs as pets the Dane drinks to you the green house is on the left of
the white house the green houses owner drinks coffee the person who smokes Pall
Mall rears Birds the owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhill the man living in
the center house drinks milk the Norwegian lives in the first house the
man who smokes blends lives next to the one who keeps cats the man who keeps
horses lives next to the man who smokes done the owner who smokes blue master
drinks beer the German smokes Prince the Norwegian lives next to the blue house
the man who smokes blend has a neighbor who drinks water and
can you get that one shit I have no fucking clue Burton you said you could
solve any riddle where are you where’s my sister probably under the
kind of arrest I wouldn’t mind being under oh don’t be crude oh honey it’s
the end of the world we’re gonna have some fun and you know that those good
even big old down there and even if there is who knows that they don’t even
be worth anything or have any kind of currency value you know what I’m saying
looks okay do you care hey can I just say I like you guys I’m
having fun eat tell me tell me – Eddie what a nice
thing to say I’m glad I came out here today and got away from the gas station
I mean the beach is so nice you never just go out to LA and just go to the
beach it’s really really nice Beach is always been nice we just never took the
time to take it in gives us kind of a good excuse huh nice amen brother man I
really wish mom and dad were here are they brothers
yeah but sadly they’re also both sick yeah I heard you guys talking about that
I’m so sorry to hear about the what is it brain cancer for our mom and lung
cancer for our dad both mid-stage and fully curable with the treatment they
invented since the internet went away can you believe how much medical
progress has been made now that people aren’t wasting their time on Facebook I
don’t think Facebook was keeping us from curing cancer but go on with the amount
of money you offered us from the honey pots we only have enough to make one of
our parents better and that is effort and is able to solve the riddle oh well
and beyond that if medical systems ever even get back up and running again yeah
I just miss them so much I’d give anything to spend Christmas
with you two min okay guys listen up if we get the gold I’m gonna give you guys
enough for both treatments no way really man Wow
yeah thank you so much man what are your dreams I have so many I
want a big house and I currently live in a duplex in Encino you drive all the way
from Encino to come work here yes ma’am someone’s got a patrol this Beach you’re
my dream guy I want to be with you I don’t know what to say I’m ready I mean
I’m ready I want to be with you too yes it is I’ll get I’ll get promoted on the
police force I’ll be a real city cop oh no I like that you’re a bitch cop
my group me in my group those guys that I’m here with yeah your group we’re in a
journey where we’re traveling and we have to find something very very
important and I can tell you I can’t tell you anything man well I can’t say I
can’t say what it is it’s all right it sounds incredible though if I get there
and I find what I’m looking for I’m gonna come back for you I promise you
right now I’m gonna come back here and I’m gonna make you Michael
that oh and yes yes yeah what do you say I’m ready to head out on
the rest of our journey Oh Madeline I was born ready
all right see you later you guys be safe okay we will all right like where do we turn it’s winding way which
is not for a while winding coffee no I could use a cold brew right now or soda
are you just water yes waters waters we need water can’t
our money’s worthless can’t buy anything you guys like the tap I found it on the
beach yeah it works for are you gonna keep it I’m gonna get rid of it later
kid yeah well maybe we can like get it from a tap or something there’s got to
be a gas station around here some no there’s no convenience stores or gas
stations for 6 miles I know LA and there’s nothing he’s right
shit well ok well what if we like go knocking on I think there are houses up
there if we knock on some of their doors maybe get provision oh no what are you
crazy ok no one’s that friendly and to be
honest they’re just gonna think we’re a bunch of homeless people all right or
worst looters god I miss hooters me too brother
me too looters I said looters not hooters yes I know you said looters I
was just saying and made me think of hooters and I know how much fun I had
going that place is misogynistic well it depends on why people are working there
I mean you know it can be very empowering if a woman is working there
because she wants to express herself that way it’s her right but I can’t
speak for these women so Madeleine it’s degrading if a woman is really working
there for money and if you know the men who come in or disrespectful but it can
be really empowering if you are really comfortable in your sexuality and you
want that to be a part of your work in life well said yeah I mean generally I
think the woman from hooters were were a little bit disrespectful
well I was never disrespectful when I was there you know you think about like
prostitution or porn stars it’s the same thing you know if you’re doing it for
the right reasons it’s it’s it can be empowering you know the right reasons
being like I’m comfortable I sexuality I want to express it in my work but it can
be you know degrading if you’re doing it for less than ideal reasons sure
incredible you know I wish I had a sugar daddy okay guys enough okay this is a
very healthy good debate I’m into it but we need some waters okay we’ve been
walking for what seems like 15 miles it’s been 12 miles
we need water okay well let’s go knocking on one of these doors sure we
don’t need iced coffee about this place yeah I think this is it hello Wow Oh anybody lives here excuse me
fine but Thomas Rocky’s going on what is this
the cast of happy endings what is this the cast of The Goonies but like a lot
older and on coke you guys know what the battleship what’d you guys throw at the
power’s out we do actually know why it’s out um we can talk to you about it we
were wondering if you have some water that we can drink yeah gotta be 35 bucks
guys I’m totally pulling your leg bro yeah come on in
I got tap water I got a bottle water I haven’t had one of those jugs which
spoiler alert he got to poke a hole to let that water come to you that’s so
cool you’re so cool I think you guys are true
can we come in yeah yeah come on in yeah thank you thank you so much and just so
you know the place is kind of a mess because I had to make come in yesterday
then they weren’t any much takeout I didn’t clean it up then I just
I just did it so you know you knew that host saga dance so should we just sit
yeah you guys can sit anywhere except over at this table so can I get anybody
wattage oh I think if we can let help you too if you want to give us some like
cups we can pour you know what the water so I love you that could be really great
um but I do just want to be like super transparent I am bisexual so I could
potentially be attracted to you any of you yeah that’s fine
that’s okay that’s healthy yeah are you the Hasbro child like the heir to the
Hasbro fortune yes all right waters waters waters and I’m gonna take a trip
to the kitchen and I’m there Oh actually I randomly have takeout are
you guys hungry yeah it’s good so I never got a chance
to ask you guys what happened the power oh oh well the the power is out on the
entire electrical grid but it’s gonna be a couple hours days at most all right I
was kind of getting nervous that it’s like the end of the world you know what
I’m saying it was just like sitting in the dark and
I kind of started making shadow puppets for a little bit just to kind of
entertain myself but then I was like what am i doing
I think it counts even it shit oh yeah she does her thing I’ll let her do it
sometimes she gets really sick and then I’m like what you eating girl and she
just looks at me in like I know sometimes I feel like she really harbors
a lot of resentment against me you know that’s great I am financially well-off
you know oh cool so I don’t feel totally comfortable telling the details of that
but um I do alright you know what I mean that’s good crazy yeah I gotta say are
you like a therapist or something cuz you have all these great chains like you
know active listening things like I hear you in I understand and that’s great
Chris it’s like yes I am yes I am sorry that wasn’t cool of me my mom and
dad are dead oh my god yeah yeah it’s sex I’m so sorry man okay that means a
lot coming from you yeah it’s having pretty good the way
everything worked out I honestly I didn’t know what to expect and when they
pass you know holidays are hard yeah you know Christmas and stuff I’m really not
looking forward to spending Christmas alone but you know you gotta look at the
bright side I have plenty of cash to get me through
I got this house I got gold in the basement hold on you have gold that’s a
saying oh but that yes I do have gold in the basement just part about my parents
trust fund anyway it’s you know it is what it is
and then looking for it I’m gonna do some great Christmas shopping for myself
get myself a little gift you know we’d love to hang out with you
for Christmas but we got to really hit the road right yeah for some reason I
got the vibe that you guys are gonna spend a night or a couple weeks or
something just kind of chill catch your breath yeah no you can’t I
think you’re just just to warn you I don’t think you’re gonna be able to buy
Christmas presents for yourself because you can’t buy or sell anything all the
stores are closed oh cool yeah I probably right excuse me I’ll probably
find something to do then listen Chris do you have maybe some extra clothes I
could borrow yeah my mom had a closet full of stuff it’s mostly evening gowns
cuz she was a involved in a lot of pageants but um Adam sure if she
wouldn’t mind obviously she’s passed um yeah just down the hall there’s a
staircase take a right all the way down first door on the left
okay yeah I actually have to go the bathroom oh just follow her you’ll see
it on the raid yeah dude what do you got that’s it more day Shane did I kill me
the Pharaohs ready kill me and he’s killed before I’ll never you and it’s cute excuse me what’s that I
cooked my parents see the stock markets have been artificially frozen a citizens
struggle to find food and water in preparation for what seems to be
inevitable chaos all right we can actually start slowing down now we’re
only two miles away will definitely get there by nightfall I can’t believe I
dropped my glasses at that guy’s house yeah I should go back there and yeah no
no eaten by a nerd no can’t believe we’re gonna be there soon I’m starting
to feel like this whole thing was made up oh yeah
it’s feeling real or now more than ever I can feel it in my thighs what is that
you guys when did you start chanting sorry anak thank you is the final path up here guys ah he
just leads down into the canyon yeah listen I just want to say that before
anything happens whatever happens I’ve really enjoyed being your guide and I
know I’ve only known you guys for a few hours but I just I feel incredibly close
to you and uh I love you guys yeah we love you too
yeah me too you guys are my rocks and a Facebook was still around you know I’d
uh definitely not unfollow you I I’d be I’d be friends I mean I’m just saying I
would not follow you okay yeah I also follow you on twitter and instagram
r.i.p i really want to get going so i can hook up with this guilt gram I’m
just saying when I see her I hope she’s hot when I see her I want her to be a
smoke show gym you know what you’re right what if she’s related to you too I
know she’s good people yeah so anyways I love you guys know the milfs I’m hooked
up I just need to hook up with a GILF but you know I can’t really see too
right now so lead us I’m just gonna oh my god we love you guys hey I just want to say I’m really glad
we get to spend Christmas Eve together like as family enough and I hope we get
to spend Christmas together honestly tomorrow are we in The Bachelor
right now what you think we’re gonna die down there I think we could yeah I mean
I think there’s like a very a vibe down there of like there could be like a
giant spider or like a t-rex t-rex or a pirate or oh my god I just remembered
Princess Bride Oh Princess Bride that’s a good movie you have a painted backdrop
right now Oh behind me yeah yeah this is panic yeah very photorealistic yeah yep
that we’re gonna get to spend Christmas together Christmas Eve all of it cuz you
know what we’re gonna go down there there’s gonna be nothing okay dad’s a
nut job there’s not gonna be a grandma down there we’re just gonna be hiking
around in the dark you’ll just have to bury me in the dirt to keep me warm look
somebody freezing I have not no I know what about a cold all right let’s get
down you know something – no dad has never lied to me let’s go get that money
it’s true shit VERTON: I haven’t had a drink since last night… this is usually the time of day when I have my first handcrafted appletini EDDIE: At work? VERTON: I won’t tell if you won’t tell. (chuckle) DANNY: You shouldn’t be drinking at work, Verton, that’s very bad. MADELEINE: Yeah, aren’t you usually at…
that’s terrible. VERTON: So? I do what I want. There’s nothing to go back to anyway-
there’s no job, okay, all we’re gonna do is get some gold and who knows what we
can even do with it probably just throw it against the wall, huh
JIM: Touche EDDIE: There! GRANDMOTHER: You came. JIM: (sneezes) GRANDMOTHER: Bless you… Jim. ALL: (gasp) MADELEINE: Grandmother, our Father sent us to
you; he said you’d have some gold for us. I do but you know there’s a question you
must help me with first a widow yes a riddle let me open my tent gorgeous
thank you oh she’s the hottest GILF I’ve ever seen in my life I think it’s just
rude you don’t have your glasses on I generally believe she has questions am I
to understand that you’re the riddle solver yes yes I am
best riddle solver from the Pacific to the Atlantic tell me Burton what is the
answer to this question the farmers trying to cross the river here’s only a
small boat he has a fox a hen and a bag of corn the
tiny boat will only allow for one item to be carried across each trip if he
leaves the hen alone with the corn the hen will eat the corn if he leaves the
Fox alone with the hen the Fox will eat the hen how does the farmer across the
river you got 20 seconds 20 minutes my friends for help
be my guest whatever it takes as long as someone in the group delivers the
correct answer you will have your coveted gold but be warned you only have
one chance get any part of the answer wrong
and you go away with nothing and I go back to my life of peace which I must
say I quite enjoy you got this we can do this you could do this I’m scared we can do this because the whole thing okay that’s the problem here we need to
focus on the five okay all right it’s the corn that’s messing us up because
you don’t have the corn and the Fox wants to eat the hen we were in the corn
and the river and the corn doesn’t want to leave anybody so the corn has to be
our to the chicken image into the car Oh what am i doing I got it
we have your answer presented the farmer takes the chicken first and leaves her
on the other bone yeah then he comes back puts the Fox on the
boat and takes them across the river however when he gets to the opposite
bank he drops the Fox off there but picks the chicken back back to the
original bag the hen but yes let’s check that she’s fetchers the head the hand
he puts the hand on the original Shore and picks up the corn then travels
across the river and drops the corn off with the Fox then of course he goes back
that’s the chick cattle and brings them to the others so that everyone is all
empty and nobody got eaten yeah we believed in you never down down
all right grandmother how do we get now once and for all the gold will be given
to you in the morning and today it’s in my stories you should have seen me when I was
thirty gorgeous mm-hm but where I was they talking about
oh yeah so fax machines had just come out they’re so in love with your
grandfather but I sent up a fax of a picture of myself punish me that I had
installed in the house myself I was always the more tech savvy of the two of
us picture printed out the fax at home I was just wrapping up my work hours and I
knew he was home alone and he screamed we’re so it tells me later see he had no
idea this thing that I had installed in the house he didn’t know what it was it
printed on a picture of me it dropped it on the floor and he thought a ghost so
why’d you choose split up I don’t know differences I wanted to live in nature
and hoard all the gold he wanted to live in the city and spin freely and trust
all the banks hmm I guess we see which of us had the right idea after all
oh but it’s so sad you know he’s passed away now I was sort of getting that vibe
and in retrospect all of Shannara fighting just sort of fades away you’re
left with love that’s the other word for it is a feeling of family I’m a special closeness that you get
when you know you’re not alone anymore you have someone who cares if you live
or die if you win they’re with you here in this life you know what about the
rest of you there must be a special man or a woman in your lives I have a
girlfriend but uh I think she hates me oh I’m sure that’s not true why the
syphilis your good guilt thank you the great
watcher I don’t bang you tonight sorry that was too much that was offside all
I’m saying is don’t go for a naked walk to the ocean I may follow you yeah I got
a girlfriend what about you Verdun yes she loves me how about you Taylor
Eddie we’re both single yeah girls don’t really dig gas station attendants oh I’m
sure that’s not true you just have to put yourself out there
okay I will what about my lovely grandchildren I
don’t I don’t have a boyfriend mm-hmm but there is someone if I’m lucky
and you Madeline yeah yeah I have my eye on something well I’m tired I’m gonna
call it a night I’ll see you in the morning grandma I’ll
spread all those blankets out for all of you to sleep in it thank you thank you
see them oh can I sleep outside your house yes you may don’t let the bedbugs
bite mmm miss Gillis that’s right all the
lights off okay what’d you miss off yeah do it
all right buddy do you know I’m gonna go glamping good night gran lucky night good night
thank ice good night guys I love you guys good morning now right it’s good good morning if passed step one of the test
what hey you can hear us yes of course I can hear you these TVs are actually
telescreens the heck is a telescreen it’s a TV to TV
communication system that doesn’t require use of the Internet it’s like a
phone with video sounds a lot like the Internet to me the Internet illegal it’s
not the Internet that’s the whole point okay you’ve passed step one of the test
and there is only one more part but you will have to proceed to my location to
hear the rest do anyone expecting to get gold this morning I am sorry well if we
had each other I like being with each other too but I want my money
I didn’t truck all the way through Culver City to end up in a canyon with
with some attractive older woman and no gold you don’t even really our Grand
Mayer just a beautiful woman who lives in a canyon who’s up to no good it’s
like a bad episode of happy endings what’s the second location grandmother
has that information for you I will see you there do we have to solve another riddle to
get to the second location no actually I can just tell you you get back down the
canyon from where you came make it right with Pacific Coast Highway make another
right go up the hill and go to the small garden behind the house and there you
will get your prize somebody has been shitting in this
Canyon what is this dump
it looks like the Garden of Eden that’s Eric Cantor’s try the news anchor hello
welcome to the end of the line this is Jesus and I’m God
hey isn’t that better what isn’t that creepy homeless guy hello who’s trying
to warn us yeah it is team I’d like to congratulate you on your incredible
accomplishments as I said this is Jesus and I’m God white well today I am
usually looks like Erykah Badu Oh any your ever Asian flip to Erykah Badu can
you flip no it doesn’t work like that oh I can you flip that Lana’s more set ooh
but Lauren Hill Connie Chung oh okay that’s right this has all been a test both shit what are you talking about
this is more real than we’ve ever expected it what’s the deal God do we
got the gold or what you do you get the gold you get everything your heart
desires if you answer the next question correctly what is the true meaning of
Christmas what is the meaning of Christmas were you pointing up to heaven
I’m pointing home I’ve never clue you can have one clue it’s something you’ve
already learned along the way and if you answer it correctly you get everything
your heart desires the power comes back on for the city and the country but if
you don’t everyone does wait wait wait wait wait slowly slowly over time
because without the power on the world kind of descends into general chaos yeah
why dude because this is something you should have learned already okay I send
you people down here to earth and you have one lesson to learn what and if you
haven’t learned it by the time you’re 30 it just makes me be like oh god what am
I doing wrong and it’s like it just makes you back oh god what am I doing
wrong as a parent you know of humanity I don’t like to think about that because
then it makes me reflect on the fact that I haven’t gotten this all right yet
mm-hmm-hmm tape here as a parent our parents our grandmother family
is it it’s what grandma was saying by the fire
last night it’s the feeling that you can get from other people that lets you know
you’re not alone in this world it’s the feeling of family yeah yeah congratulations
so you can all have whatever you want but please please tell Danny let him
tell me I can’t deal with like a whole bunch of different voices at once okay
well it’s weird because I felt like I just coming here like I would just want
the gold but stay the gold and whatever else you want he’s telling you you can
have as many things that you want oh you should get a monster three okay okay yeah yeah Mazda 3 it’s a great car okay
we’re gonna gas it you see a lot of cars you can have anything you want the world
you can have a nicer car than that if you have a name-brand car a neighbor a
monster is amazing it’s point A to point B and these you know so-called great
cars or break it down left and right he’s right fine I want to talk I want to
catch an attention Tesla’s are super backed up but what I can do is I can
give you the money for a down payment on a Tesla just a down payment mmm I’ll
give you all the money for can I get a hyundai ioniq it’s a very rare car from
2018 the only made 200 min california a hyundai ioniq from 2018 yeah that’s easy
even a lot of us okay what else Madeline um like maybe maybe a house like in Echo
Park or Lowe’s feels oh oh oh the houses that are like up on Vermont that are
near Griffith Park those like big houses but they’re not too high up on the hill
great noise do I know them I love them okay so one
of the houses up on Vermont’s are we trying to do everything to me yeah okay
do you guys want your pants yeah can you heal their parents already done it okay what else you guys the gold the
gold yep the goal I think that might be it you
know I know what I want the I got I want the ioniq and you know I’d like a really
healthy career and also just overall good health
okay a healthy career and overall good health for for Jim I want that I would
Madeline as well can you do that for everyone yeah you get you a round of it
okay just all around III want that help stuff and I also want a career I wanted
a career what does that mean I mean it means a gay career he knows he can t I
get it okay great um Jim who your site oh yeah you want class if you have the
same glasses that he had before look in your cup holder of your new ionic okay
incredible but um yeah I guess I just I’m having this feeling that all this
stuff sounds nice and I’m glad you’re gonna give it to us but I don’t know if
I can ask for this sigh I really feel like all I want
like really like all I really care about is getting to spend Christmas with my
mom and dad so yeah if you could do that you know that would be the biggest thing
of all and that completes our ordering every day Oh my well hundreds I know you’d pass the final
tests the final test yeah a test you didn’t know you were taking the test on
whether you know the true spirit of Christmas which is which is whether guys
we only take you for granted and we’re not gonna do that anymore not again
you promise there’s my spend Christmas with us we can we wrap some presents
last minute oh well with all this I bet you can do that
Madeline and Danny we would love to we do wait I just got a quick question are
there like levels to this like I know he’s Jesus and you’re supposed to be God
I am right look you have any form of identification I don’t need any I’m kind
of in charge of everything that paperwork is okay yeah yeah yeah that
makes sense and you guys you guys are like some form of magic or our family is
a sacred family but our children never knew that for hundreds of generation the
children of our family which included me at one point and of course my mother
before me must pass three tests at the time they turn 30 what happens if you
don’t pass the test they die what we would have died it sure was and we were
very afraid but I had faith being a parent to me as just about knowing that
your little ones are going to be okay no matter what the circumstances especially
you two now you both have had very strong spirits since I gave birth to you
I always knew this test was coming but I always knew that you would pass it I was
a little less what a shrimp shot to the DA shot to the
de gyrator book we should read a book
called the sacred family no one would believe us
but we have the money to do that uni so that hot woman in the canyon that’s your
mother yeah yeah she’s a hermit but she’s a non-binary hermit and she goes
by the pronoun she’ and she is your grandmother she just didn’t want to see
you until you were 30 Oh seems odd weird and you guys had this
deal with God it’s like a it’s just like a blessed thing it’s like a sacred thing
it’s been this way for thousands and thousands of years you guys are gonna
have a truly blessed life and you’re gonna have everything you could ever
want what about all of us all of you as well any friends that the sacred family
brings along get looped in well we play the game when our children turn 30
no only Danny and Madeleine do that but you’re all welcome to start your own
game if you like if that feels right but we’re not gonna have you to turn the
whole city’s power out and you those TV screens it was really fun you know what
I’ll give you the number to my landline before you go you can give me a call
anytime you want my number never changes we can always set up a game for your
kids you know like a a laser thing or something or we could turn the internet
back on oh yeah hey what’s going on with that whole internet thing is it really
down or when we wake up it’s gonna be back on again the internet is really
gone it died for our sins that was Jesus’s little creation actually how
again does that answer all your questions I’ve just got one more
question for all you guys who wants to spend Christmas in my house tonight I’m great I took a shower at the YMCA oh
you could have taken one here no I got you a ball of hair wow this is so cool
yeah I’m so glad you didn’t wrap it I always think wrapping is so stupid yeah
I collected it from all the other residents a bit of the tent yes a little
detail that’s so beautiful she’s stylish Wow it’s our scent human can I kiss you
yeah hey I came you came yeah I uh I brought
you something huh beach stuff yeah it just washes off
my butt remember sometime yeah you remember the
beach yeah that’s that was yesterday yeah so glad you came I really
appreciate it oh of course Madeline can I kiss you
yeah yeah you can kiss me your reaction okay listen up listen up I
just want to say a few things as someone who has one parent in Ireland and the
other parent and the rest of my siblings in China it means the world to me that I
get to spend today in a new way almost in a better way with my new
family and I’m not just saying that cuz of the hyundai ioniq
hold on that car thanks God 135 miles per charge how do they get 135 miles out
of a charge there I’m sure everyone’s happy with their gifts and these glasses
thank you for these back it’s nice to see again but really seriously guys
Danny Madeleine everyone here thank you for
this experience that has has really been the ride of my life you know these last
couple days if I’m gonna be honest it was just a book of money for me going on
this thing Jim you’re good with money but you got a lot of other stuff to work
through economics economics but the one thing that this has made me realize it’s
what my soul was kind of thinking this whole time is that I really do love that
car they just continued in 2019 but thank you
it’s a collector now so with 85,000 but what I remember now is something my soul
always felt and this life believe it or not is about people and the people you
know chosen or not that matter the most our family you guys are my family and I
love you all it’s about family I just want to be with
my family oh come on Erica you’re started supposed
to make it rain go but anyway all jokes aside it really is about family here
here No


  1. Very rarely do I write comments, but after finishing this film this morning, I was absolutely blown away by its sheer brilliance. Every single aspect of this film was bloody fantastic. The comedic timing, the acting, the direction, the dialogue, all blew me away. Thank you so much for this Brian, absolutely amazing work!

  2. A Mazda 3 and a Hyundai ioniq. I laughed so hard. That was some deep out of the box thinking. Asking for glasses instead of asking for perfect vision. The irony. Lmfao

  3. This is one of the most beautiful things ive ever seen on YouTube especially, or generally in my entire life. I love you Brian so much.

  4. I pause to write my best answer to see if I'm right:
    You can take the hen across first, and leave the fox and the corn. Then you cross to get the fox, carry the hen back, and switch it with the corn. And then finally cross with the hen.

    Edit: YAY!

  5. I gotta say, the Internet being deleted from existence wouldn’t exactly be the worst thing.
    Exhibit A: Fortnite.
    Exhibit B: Ugandan Knuckles.
    Exhibit C: Gangnam Style.
    Exhibit D: Having Gangnam Style now on infinite loop in my head.
    Exhibit E: Do I need to keep fucking going?

  6. Every single song Brian puts in all of his videos is one of my favorite songs. Also my last name is Alvarez. So …. I stan.

  7. I told myself I was going to just watch maybe fifteen minutes of this. I have to be up at seven, and I won't be home until 11:30pm, and it is now almost 5am. I'm not complaining, if anything thisa is my fault for waiting two days to watch it after it was recommended.

  8. brian! I first watched this about a month ago, but I came back because I'm still thinking about it. The whole idea that the internet is something manifested into existence by our species rather than something we created and have power over and can therefore suppress… there is so much there. if your goal is to move your viewers, through humor and love and good ideas, you have already succeeded. thank you for this!

  9. I LOVE how unapologetic you are about the fact that your message is just like "yeah, what's important in life is people" (not only in this movie but in your work in general), and yet it never feels just cheesy or flat because you also show a true understanding of what our generation has to face and how utterly depressing it is, even if it's not expressed directly in this way, … I don't know, you just really nail it, you manage to describe our reality and bring us hope while having this highly absurd sense of humour all at the same time, and… It just works, it really fucking works, this is everything, and now I just want to tell all the people I love that I love them and that's exactly what I'm going to do right now. Thank you.

  10. How much was it to have B.O.C?? and Berlin! AND REO !!? How did you fund this duud? Ontop of the great picture, editing, acting and script quality

  11. me after 30 seconds: first you bring the chicken, then the corn, then you take the chicken back to the other side and get the fox whom you bring to the corn, last you go back and bring the chicken to the other side where fox and corn already are

    group in movie: existential crisis

  12. 19:40 This scene is my favorite out of so many wonderful ones in this work. It has perfect pacing, achieved by very sharp editing and hilarious actors. It's an absolute classic.

  13. 39:25 So glad viewers can first see a character realize they are "mansplaining", then see an example of how to correct it in mid-conversation without fuss or controversy of any kind. I really appreciate seeing this kind of content.

  14. Is no one gonna mention that the grandma's face was inexplicably in grayscale the whole time…? I LOVE IT.

  15. I really wish there was a break-down of the opening scene with the parents. it's my favorite scene. I know these guys do improv, but the flow of it all seems so literary and dynamic that I would swear it was scripted earnestly.
    Anyhoo, it's 12:39am, 7/10/2019. I live in Independence, OR. I'm a budtender and I'm smoking a blunt while watching this (for context's sake). You guys fucking rock, okurrrrr?!

  16. wanted to have a siesta but this was compelling. discussing feminism, the financial breakdown, probably linked to global warming, etc but in a fun way =] plus love stories!

  17. This is, without a doubt, my favorite movie. I watched it last year while I going through the toughest time of my life, and it brought me so much joy. I’m really sick right now, and being able to watch this movie has made me feel just a little bit better, which I could not be more thankful for.
    This is such a wonderful movie, I’m so amazed you completely made and produced this and just put it on the internet for free. So impressed and thankful

  18. If I have a soul mate, he had better have the sense of humor embodied by like every video you've made lol. And WHEN are you going to pitch the Gay and Wondrous Life to Netflix? Because literally… it could be the next Schitt's Creek.

  19. Ew I hate framing people who are offensive as trolling and it being about wanting to be perfect. I'm sure there are people who would troll like that but the high majority of those I've come across are just brave enough to explain things to people who aren't willing to see them or just consider

  20. Can Netflix just please give this man a bajillion dollars for development of several ‘shows’ – this joyous content is what we need right now – so please Netflix if you are out there – wise up !!!! And while we are at how about a 70s Style Variety Show with Aunt Freckle -like Sonny and Cher or The Mandrell Sisters or Donny and Marie or Tony Orlando and Dawn …

  21. This was legitimately better than every single blockbuster released in the past like, 10 years. The script, directing, producing EVERYTHING WAS SO HIGH QUALITY!!!! I’m amazed!!!!!!! a big well done to everybody, y’all were GLOWING!!!! <3

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