[bell tolls] [screams] [channel hops] -[yawns]
-[knock on door] [thunderclap] Hello! May I help you? Have you ever felt disappointed with…
your television options? [evil laugh] No. I’ve never thought about that,
but I’m thinking about it now. [clears throat] Hank, what are you doing?
Don’t talk to a door-to-door salesman. Yeah, back off, buddy!
Go peddle your lies somewhere else. -Oh, I am dreadfully sorry.
-[bell tolls] I merely thought you might be interested
in 500 television channels. [gasps] 500 channels? Tom, we should hear him out. You can’t trust a salesman. They’ll say
anything to try and make a sale. And Tom should know,
because he’s basically a salesman! Yeah.
Wait, that was a compliment, right? -Um…
-Huh! I’ll take it as a compliment. [whistling tunelessly] Hey! Forget my friends.
Here’s some money. I need that gizmo! Oh, this is a deal
you assuredly will not regret. -[thunderclap]
-[evil laugh] Why would I, right? -[evil laugh]
-Right? ♪ Wa-oah! ♪ -[click]
-[Hank] Yeah. Mm-hm. [chuckles] So, you ignored us and bought
the TV channels from the creepy guy, huh? Tom, it’s not just TV channels.
It’s 500 TV channels! Fine, but don’t complain when you realize
that you bought a bunch of junk. [Ginger] Whoa! It says you get VTV, the vampire channel! It’s so scary,
the Vs in the logo are fangs! I’d never be allowed to watch this at home
because I’d have nightmares! -Let’s watch it!
-Oh, yeah! [distant screams] Welcome to the 13th season of “Vampires Among Us: Fact or Fiction?
It’s Fact.” 13th season? I’m not caught up
with the first 12 seasons! But before our 13th season premiere, we’ll have a convenient marathon
of our first 12 seasons. -74 hours of learning.
-Ooh! This isn’t going to be easy, but if I’m
going to be the TV viewer I know I can be then I’ve got a show to marathon! [distant screams] [TV host] And inside the grave was a bat!
Fact or fiction? It’s fact! Agh! [laughing] That was a good one! But it’s a school night,
I should probably get going. Yeah, OK, good night! I’ve still got
71 hours of this marathon to go. ..we have no garlic! Vampires can take over a town
without any non-vampires knowing. Remember, the greatest weapon
against a vampire is knowledge. No one is really safe from vampires.
Not even ghosts. Sally didn’t believe in vampires.
Too bad vampires believed in her. The most dangerous vampires are the ones
closest to us. It could be your spouse. -Phew! Don’t have to worry about that.
-It could be your best friend/roommate. Agh! [whimpering] [floorboards creaking] Uh. Hello? [whimpering] Agh! Hank, we need to talk. You’ve been watching this show
for over a day. -You need to take a break.
-I can’t do that, Tom. There are vampires among us.
I need to stay informed. -[TV crackles]
-Let’s just go for a walk. It’s a nice night. -No. I’m busy.
-[thunderclap] Tom? Where… Where’d you go, Tom? Hello? Is anybody there? Your own home could be a vampire den,
so you have to look for the signs. A house that has vampires
will definitely have no garlic. Phew! We have garlic.
Right in the kitchen on our garlic plate– Help me, TV! Tell me what to do! We’ll be back after these short messages
from our sponsors. ♪ Garlic fries, garlic pies
You know what our food implies ♪ ♪ We love garlic! ♪ Ooh! Huh? -What are you doing?
-It’s terrible! We’re out of garlic!
And Tom was acting weird. I think he might be… a vampire. That’s logical, Hank. After all… we are all vampires! Agh! It’s just like the VTV logo! Agh! [evil laugh] You’re just in time for the vampire feast! -[bats squeaking, flapping]
-To be the vampire feast! [screams] Get… No! No! Vampires! Vampires among us!
It’s fact! Agh! Oh! No, no, no, no, no! Aagh! [bats squeaking] Aaagh. [locks clank] Vampire feast! Vampire feast! Vampire feast! Vampire feast! Vampire feast! Vampire feast! OK! Make it quick! Vampire feast! Eugh! Did you do it yet? It seems Hank’s too-long TV session
has warped his mind. He can’t tell fact from fiction. Come on, Hank!
There’s no such thing as vampires! Spoken like a lying vampire!
I’ve seen the evidence on the show! I’m not a lying vampire. I know, but contradicting the show’s logic
isn’t going to work. Hm. Maybe what we need to do
is play along. [moaning] Oh… Huh? Welcome back to
“Vampires: Fact or Fiction? It’s Fact.” Ooh! You’re back!
Wait. Something’s different. Uh… No, this is a regular episode
of the show you’re watching. Oh, good. Today’s episode
is our most important one ever. It’s about… the slayer – the one person who can defeat
the vampire menace forever! And that slayer’s name is Hank! [gasps] Could I be the–
No, it’s probably a different Hank. It’s easy to know
if you’re Hank the Slayer! Vampire slayers
are great at untying ropes. -[snipping]
-Huh? Slayers also bear an image of
vampire fangs on the back of their hand. I never saw that before.
So maybe I really am the slayer! Yes, there you go.
That’s what we were going for. -You’re the one who can save the world.
-Ha-ha! Once and for all! [inspirational rock music playing] [grunting, straining] Yeah! Wa! Ha! Ya! I’d like to order garlic fries,
extra garlic, hold the fries. OK, TV show.
I hope you were right about me. Vampires, show yourselves! [hissing, snarling] It’s time to raise the stakes. Aagh! Aagh! My weakness! [moaning] [hissing] No, no, no! [roars] It will not be so easy
to defeat Thoma-cula. -Ha-ha!
-No! Ooh, ah! Three down. One to go. [Ginger] Well done, Slayer,
but you can’t defeat the master vampire. Me! Ha-ha-ha! The oldest of the bloodsuckers
shall take the form of a child. Classic vampire thing! [Hank roars] [spooky organ music] Aagh! Whoa! Take that! Hank! No! [Hank] Whoa, whoa, whoa. -Ha-ha!
-How could you do this to me? We watched the vampire show together! It was all my plan
to reveal you as a slayer. So I could slay you! Good plan.
Except I watched episode 18 and I know the vampire’s
greatest weakness. -Sunlight!
-[screams] No! I’m turning to dust! I will return. No, I won’t! I’m gone for good. And so are all other vampires
in this town. They die when the master vampire dies! Bleeeeeegh. -[panting] I did it. I saved the world.
-[birdsong] [snoring] [snoring] Ah. -Huh? There he is!
-Hank! Whoa! You won’t believe
the crazy dream I just had! That wasn’t a dream. You watched way too much of that TV show
about vampires and you went nuts. Oh, that makes sense. No more vampires. From now on, I’m only going
to watch shows about zombies! [everyone] No, no! [Ben] Give me that! [evil laugh]