Kalen Reacts to Golden Globes


OK. Appetizers. Sweet potato vicky-something. I don’t know that word. OK. Entree. Chicken sea bass. Dessert. Pistachio cream cheese ivory. Mm-mm. I don’t want no pistachios. That ain’t good. Oh, that’s what y’all feeding
them at the Golden Globes? Absolutely not. See, y’all too busy
trying to be bougie. [? Not ?] enough calories. I would need to stop at the
Golden Corral before I came. All right. The Golden Globes. Now, the only thing I remember
from last year is Oprah. So hopefully, this year we have
something memorable happening. Now, I for one, am always here
for a little cute, little black ensemble. But baby, them cow-toe
shoes down here. Mm-mm. No. Lies you tell. Honey, they need to moo
themselves right on back into the barn. Oh, I’m gonna make me choke. Oh. Come on, Brother Billy. Yes. You know I love me a
little cape moment. OK. We are just twirling
on them haters. Yes. Up, up, and away. Now, Jamie, why you out
here giving these girls Jackie Frost. Oh, I love you though. Oh, she said,
honey, I don’t care. I’ve been out here
freezing these girls careers for decades. Yes, ma’am. Yes, ma’am. I need to be honest real quick. There could be 100
beards in the room, but I still miss
Bradley Cooper’s. What a shame. What a shame. You know, red carpets are
all about serving looks. So you know what, let’s look at
the best serves of the night. Here we go. Look at her. Look at that little
smirk she gives. She knows her angles. Yes. Oh, look. Now, she’s giving us a
little over the shoulder. She’s like, yes, I’m
here to serve you. Absolutely. I like this lip too. It’s a look– oh,
the little head tilt. [SNAPS] So roll up your
sleeves, Hollywood, because you’re all
getting flu shots. Oh, no. Mm-mm. You would have had to
get away from me, child. Oh, this going to
be a long night. I should have got me
a snack or something. Lies you tell. Look, he said, you better
get the hell away from me. Thank you to Satan– Oh, I rebuke it in
the name of Jesus. Best Screenplay in a
major motion picture. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, guys. But– What’s wrong? I have to do this. What she got to do? Amy. Oh, why she shaking? You’re the love of my life. Somebody call 9-1-1. Oh, she needs a meal. Well, that was underwhelming. Let me take my tail to bed. It’s past my bedtime, child. Bye.

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