Lil Rel Howery – Milton on the Bongos – This Is Not Happening – Uncensored

Lil Rel Howery – Milton on the Bongos – This Is Not Happening – Uncensored


And they say, “What? Hold
on. Let me see.”
So he walked to the window
cool as shit. ‘Cause he had on some dress
shoes, so he slid over there a little bit. [laughter] “Aw, them sucker’s about to
pay.”[dark electronic music]– [indistinct shouting]
– Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? – Come on. Move. Come on.
– What? What’s going on? – Come on.
– This is not happening. [rapid gunfire] No, no. What… I’m–I’m your host. I’m your host, Roy Wood Jr. – Come on. – Ahh, ahh. – Augh! – [groans] [glass shattering] [panting]♪ ♪Mm…ahh![bones crunching][cheers and applause]You may remember him from “Get
Out.” Renewing our faith in TSA
agents, Lil Rey Howery.[cheers and applause]– First of all, I’m from
Chicago, and, you know, and Chicago’s known for a lot
of things, you know, hot dogs and pizza. The Cubs won the World Series. And violence, a lot of fucking
violence. And my father is one of those
dudes who’s from an old era. Like, he wasn’t a Black
Panther, but he, like, in a gang that I
guess didn’t really exist for– I don’t know; I don’t
necessarily believe in the shit that he was in a real gang, but he was in one of those
earlier gangs, where they, like, made
breakfast for the community and walked people across the
street, that type of shit. [laughs] So…but true story, right? So we grew up–I lived in a bad
neighborhood growing up, you know, and most of the
neighborhoods– you decide you know a
neighborhood is bad when people will sit on
anybody’s car. They don’t give a fuck whose
car it is. You’ve got to humbly ask them,
“Excuse me. “I know y’all are just having a
good time drinking on my car, “but I need to go to work this
evening, so…” [laughter] So I’m getting off the bus
one day, and I’m walking down the
street, and I see a bunch of dudes on
the car, and I’m like, “Oh, fuck.
They’re on my father’s car.” And I go upstairs, and I’m
going back and forth, ’cause he still thinks he can
take these young people. I don’t fuckin’ know why. See, I–and let me tell you,
I’ve got a ’70s dad. I don’t know if anybody ever
had a ’70s father growing up. Like, one of them cool
motherfuckers. Right, this is how my daddy
used to walk. Just like this.
This is… [laughter] Every time he talk, it was like
he had to pee. “Hey, man, which one of you
suckers takin’ out the garbage?”
That’s how he talked. So…
[laughs] For some reason, he still think
he’s tough as shit, so I get in the house, and I’m
like, “All right, “I’ma tell him they on his car, but I hope he don’t do no extra
shit.” So I’m like, “Hey, Dad, look,
now, before I tell you this, tell me you gonna chill out.” “You don’t tell me what to do.”
“Okay, never mind.” [laughter] I’m like, “Look, it’s a bunch
of dudes sitting on your car, right,” so…
He’s like, “Say what?” Right? I’m laughing, ’cause I ain’t
told this story in a long time. And it’s a true story. “Say what? Hold on.
Let me see.” So he walked
to the window cool as shit. Because he had
on some dress shoes, so he slid over there
a little bit. [laughter] Oh, those suckers about to pay!
I’m like whoa, wait a minute. So…
[laughs] So I’m like, look, man. Dad, now,
I got to tell you this. These are
gangster disciples, okay? They had a documentary on them
a few weeks ago on the Biography channel. I don’t think you want to do
this shit. They will murder you. He’s like, look here,
I ain’t scared of no disciple! Okay, I was a Dragon. I’m like, what the fuck is a
Dragon? What? [laughter] You know how old your gang got
to be to– about some shit that’s not even
real; you know what I mean? “I was a motherfucking
Dragon.” I said, “Look, I heard you that
you was a Dragon and all.” He said, “Look here, man.
We was a gang and a band.” “Wait, I don’t give a fuck
if y’all was both things. This young dudes will murder
you out there.” He said, “Let me tell you
something, okay? You don’t believe me, do you?” I said, “It ain’t that I don’t
believe you a Dragon. I just–it just…I mean, I just don’t believe in
dragons.” That’s what…
[laughs] He said, “Look here, I got
something to prove it, okay?” So my mom was
in the kitchen cooking, right? He’s like, “Hey baby, could you
get my Dragon jacket,” right? And my mama smoked cigarettes,
so she was like, [inhales] Which one,
the blue jean or the leather? Right, she in the
kitchen cooking. [laughter] So she goes and gets his,
she gets this dragon jacket, and it’s not even
a jacket, right? It’s a vest. It’s really a dragon vest, but
he called it a jacket. I don’t know why. The sleeves was
cut off the jacket, it was shingling
at the shoulders. He had a big,
colorful dragon on the back, but kinda faded because
he washed it a couple times. And he had his real name, he
didn’t even have a gang name. It said Milton on the front.
I’m like, you ain’t got no… You ain’t got
no damn gang name, Daddy? “I didn’t need one.
I was Milton on the bongos.” Okay, whatever. So he put
on this Dragon jacket, right? Now, he done took
his whole shirt off. Because I guess they didn’t
wear shirts with the vests at that time. So he took his shit off. Now he has all chest hair
showing. And he had this little chain in
the chest hair. It was like a little cross.
I couldn’t tell if it was a cross or–I don’t know what
it was, but he had–the chest hair was
all around a little charm he had on his chain. So he’s got this Dragon jacket
on. And he started
getting ready, right? Which is weird because I ain’t never seen nobody
get ready for a fight He said, go get the Old Spice. So he got some Old Spice,
put it on before a fight. I’ve never seen somebody put on
cologne before a fight. He just… [laughs] So he’s got this little-ass
fuckin’ baby fat vest. That’s really what it was. And he go down the stairs. So these little dudes
look at him come outside. He comes outside cool as shit. They looking at him like, Hey, man, who the fuck
is this old ass dude with this ‘Warriors’ outfit
on?” [laughter] He was like, “Look here
suckers, “I’m going to tell you who
I am right now. “My name is Milton. “Milton Howery. “And that Cadillac
you’re sitting on is mine. “I pay the payments,” right,
and he going through all this shit. They’re like, “Man,
look here old man, “we don’t want to beat
your ass and shit. You all by yourself.”
He said, “Oh, I’m by myself? Jimmy on his way.” Now, what I forgot
to tell y’all, he called Jimmy. Who’s the only other
living Dragon left, right? [laughter] And Jimmy don’t know what’s
going on, right? Jimmy didn’t graduate from the
gangs. He’s just a businessman that
drive a van with a Bluetooth on; that’s it. So Jimmy pulls up
with this van, right? You could tell
it was an old ass van because it had
curtains on it. And he pull up,
and when he pull up, you can hear Billy Ocean
playing when he pull up. When he pull up, you hear “Caribbean Queen”
when he pull up. [laughter] My daddy walked to the car
like… So I’m looking at all this out
the window like… So I’m like, oh, God,
what’s going on with my dad? He like, “Jimmy, look here. Okay, we about
to have a rumble.” And Jimmy old, like,
you ever see somebody so old they got to take off their
glasses just to hear you? [laughter] So my daddy’s trying
to talk to Jimmy, “Look here, Jimmy, I’m trying
to tell you what’s going on. He like “What? Say it again,
wait hold on, what?” [laughter] “Wait a minute, you ain’t say
nothing about no damn fight. “I thought it
was Spades Tuesday, “I thought we was
playing cards today. You on your own,
I’m done with the Dragons.” And he drove off. [laughs] I mean,
there ain’t no punch line, so like, they beat the shit out
my daddy, all right? They beat him up and shit. And I was
like a little kid, you know? I don’t know if anybody ever seen their daddy
get their ass whupped, but you ain’t going to help it. You just yell out,
leave him alone! That’s my father, yo! You just mad because you ain’t
got no daddy in your life. [laughter] Start crying. Leave him alone! All you saw was
my father’s vest in the street, and cars driving over the vest. My mama, she walked
up to me like, [inhales] Look here.
[clears throat] Go get your daddy’s vest and bring it back upstairs,
I’ll go wash it. And that’s what happened,
y’all, that’s it. Thank y’all. Love y’all.
That’s my time.– Lil Rel Howery, y’all.[cheers and applause]

100 Comments

  1. A .. Them dragon's 🐉 still be out there on division … Funny dude .. Chiraq … That's how a lot of gangs started the O. A ' Orchestra Albany … G D .. Growth and Development..

  2. I just looked um up there actually still active, but they changed their name to the Insane dragons. Apparently their a sub sect of the Latin kings.
    If you want to read up on them. heres a site devoted to gang history in Chicago https://chicagoganghistory.com/gang/insane-dragons/

  3. this is hilarious, probably one of the funniest ones I've seen. The Dragons was a real Chicago gang that disbanded in the 90s lmao

  4. somebody needs to smack the shit out of the hipster in the front row that doesn’t laugh at a single joke. we get it, you’re too fucking cool to laugh. where’s my dragon vest, me and jimmy on the way

  5. Yeah! @billyocean Hilarious story! I want to see more of this dude on Comedy Central. He needs a Netflix special!

  6. This whole thing could’ve been avoided if he just didn’t tell his father that someone was sitting on his car.

  7. This guy is funny, love his show Rel, I got into last year when I watched The Carmichael Show on Hulu, cannot wait for the next season of his show.

  8. FUNNY BUT THE GANG BLACK STONES USE TO HAVE FREE BREAKFAST FOR KIDS IN THE MORNINGS BEFORE SCHOOL, , WALKED OLD LADIES HOME CARRYING THEIR GROCERIES, POLICED THEIR OWN NEIGHBORHOODS AND DID ALOT OF GOOD TIL CO-INTEL FBI CAME IN WITH A PLAN TO TURN ALL THOSE NEIGHBORHOODS AGAINST ONE ANOTHER & PLANT CHEAP DRUGS IN THE NEIGHBORHOODS… GANGS WERE BORN INSTEAD OF NEIGHBORHOOD ORGANIZATIONS …THIS IS ALL DOCUMENTED …LOOK IT UP !

  9. So did Kevin Hart steal this story from him, or did he steal it from Kevin Hart? Bc I saw Kevin Hart tell this a long time ago.

  10. I know it's comedy but he said he was looking out the window so how does he know what they were talking about lol

  11. Lol I could picture his father's friend pulling up in the van with Bill Ocean playing in the back like something off of a GTA: Vice City scene… haha

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