MBMBaM: Financial Advice From Justin (from Episode 259)

MBMBaM: Financial Advice From Justin (from Episode 259)


Justin: So we live three hours away from Cincinnati,
in Huntington, it’s three hours away from Cincinnati,
so it would be a day trip, right? So Dad would say, “Hey, boys, let’s go -”
and sometimes Mom would come too, but I remember it being, a few times
it was just, like, the four of us, and it’d be like, let’s make a day of it,
go see a Reds game. So we’d drive up in the morning,
we’d get there, we’d get the mini Reds bat. And we’d watch the game…
Travis: Justin would fill out an application for a credit card.
Justin: I did do that! I did do that once. Started myself on a road to financial ruin
that I’m still trying to escape from. I was 16 years old and I got one
to get a free Reds baseball cap. Hi, Justin, they sell those.
Hi, Dad, you had to co-sign. Like, fuck everybody.
So that was a great thing. And then as we would leave the stadium,
and I had my “I can’t wait to get a credit card
I wonder what that’s like!” As we’re leaving still on that credit card
high, we would always stop at Skyline Chili
and then have a three-hour drive home. It was just like a fart rocket.
It was like “Do you wanna sous vide yourself in farts?
Do you want a fart ceviche here in our Toyota Corolla?”
Like, let’s just do it. Griffin: We would get out and we would
open the doors when we got home, and the outside of the car would just be
unpainted tarnished metal. Justin: The Reds game, god, baseball games
are so expensive because you gotta get the tickets,
you gotta get the kids the souvenirs, you have to have the seats of the car reupholstered
and then burned… Griffin: Oh, farts.
Justin: Yeah, that’s what the joke is, ’cause the chili would make you fart.
That’s what I was saying. Griffin: Let’s see, we talked about safety
patrol. We talked about cold showers.
Travis: What else was on your list? Justin: I did get a credit c –
Travis, thank you for reminding me. The first credit card I ever got was at a
fucking Reds game for a baseball cap.
Griffin: What was the limit? Do you remember the credit limit on that?
Travis: $16,000. Justin: Okay, at first, no bullshit,
at first it was $500. Okay? Griffin: That’s good for a kid.
I’d let my 16-year-old have a $500 credit card.
Justin: And then I got a letter that it had been extended to $6000.
Travis: Whoa! Justin: And I never…
Travis: And this is why we had the credit collapse, everybody.
Griffin: Yeah, because of Justin. Travis: Because they’re giving $6000 credit
cards to 16-year-olds! Griffin: That’s higher than my current credit
card limit. That’s insanity.
Travis: You know what? I can’t get a credit card now.
Griffin: Because of Justin! Because of how bad Justin goofed up!
$6000! What – Travis: You might as well have had a blank
check at that point. Griffin: That is the movie Blank Check!
It’s Red Card! That’s insanity! $6000! Justin: But you know what, to be fair,
I used that credit card to pay my tuition at Marshall,
and I used it to buy books… …which is what I told Linda at Universal
Credit Union when I got that debt consolidation loan!
What’s up! Actually I used it to buy
~an electric guitar and lots of Taco Bell~ Griffin: ~and tons and tons and tons of HeroClix~
Justin: ~put it on the card I’ll never have to pay this back~
That’s adult Justin’s problem. I am adult Justin.
Thank you for your waste. I got a call from a…
There’s a lot of bad information out there about credit cards.
I got it into my head, okay? So I saw one of those commercials
for one of those “We’ll take care of your debt!
No problem! We’ll talk to the creditors so you don’t have to!”
And I was like, “Well, that sounds really great.”
And they’re like, “We’ll get you your thing for pennies on the dollar!”
And I looked it up, I Googled it, and I was like,
what do these companies do? Because that seems kind of crazy.
What it basically said was, they tell you just to basically stop paying,
and then eventually the credit company will get so desperate
that they’ll sell the loan to somebody else, and they’ll search you out for less money,
right? Because they just want to get it off the books
at that point. So they’ll sell your debt, and then that person,
who’s a real dick, is gonna come for you hard, but for less money.
And I read that, and I thought, “Well, that’s what they do.
I can do that right now!” So I just stopped paying it.
In the first fiscally responsible decision I ever made,
I cut out the middleman and just stopped paying my credit card.
Because I realized I was never gonna pay it down,
so I’m just gonna stop paying it. Griffin: It sounds like you also attempted
to cut out the upper man. So it was just you, the lower man.
Justin: Leaving only me, the lower man, to deal with this –
and I didn’t do anything! And for months, it worked fine!
And then I got a very angry call from a gentleman who wanted some money right
then. Griffin: But that was for your drugs thing.
Justin: That was actually – yeah, he was collecting taxes on Balls Out
United. Griffin: Balls Out United.
Listen to the words that you are saying.

5 Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.


*