Mondays and Fridays at 3 p.m.. Central Red: I’ve been traveling all over the Kanto and Johto region for as long as I can remember(Oh Arceus, he talks!). Red: And after finally becoming the Pokémon Champion, it feels so good to just come up here and retire from Pokémon battling all together. Gold: Hey are you Red, the Pokémon Champion? Red: What how did you find me up here? Gold: Wow, it really is you! You’re like the strongest Pokémon Trainer in the world! Gold: Well… In the Kanto and Johto region at least. Red: This place is supposed to be guarded by Articuno, Zapdos, and Moltres. How did you get past my three legendary birds? Gold: Uh……. Gold: I don’t know. Red: Wow. Well, could you please leave? I came here to find true inner peace. Gold: *sucks air* Aaahhhh… See, I came here all the way from New Bark Town, and I’m NOT leaving until I defeat you in battle. Red: Sorry, kid. I’d really hate t- Gold: *sucks air* Aaahhhh… -Red: I- I’d really hate to disappoint you, but-
-Gold: *sucks air* Aaaaahhhhhhh…… -Red: I- I’m retired! So-
-Gold: *sucks air* AAAAAAAARGHHH…….. Gold: Like I said, I came here all the way from New Bark Town. Gold: And I am NOT leaving until I defeat you in battle. Red: You really think you can defeat me, the Pokémon Champion? How long ago did you even get your first Pokemon? -Gold: Last week.
-Red: Last week, and you think you can defeat me? Red: The Pokémon Champion, after being a Pokémon Trainer for only a week? Gold: Pretty much. Red: Alright, well, you can go back home because I am not- Yep, I guess the battle sequence is beginning. Red: For the record, I didn’t want a battle you, like… At all. Gold: Go, Pidgey! Red: Hahahaha, You come here expecting to win with a Level 12 Pidgey? I can’t believe I’m doing this. Red: Go, Pikachu! Pika…. CHUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!! (Holy Trubbish get me the Distortion World outta here!) Gold: Pidgey, use Tackle! Pidgey: I don’t know about this, Gold. Maybe this is the one battle we can’t actually wi- -Gold: What was that?!
-Pidgey: What, no! It was nothi- -Gold: Did you just talk back to me?!
-Pidgey: No-no! I- I swear- Gold: Do you need to get the PokéBelt? Pidgey: No, I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Gold: Then use Tackle on that overly-muscular Pikachu! Pidgey: Okay! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (Pidgey was Cubone after all!) Red: Uh…What was that? Gold: Oh, that? It’s nothing. I just REALLY hated Pidgey. Red: This is already weirder than the battle I had with Ash Ketchum. Gold: Go, Rhyhorn! Red: First a Level 12 Pidgey and now a Level 10 Rhyhorn? Red: You really didn’t think this through, have you? Red: Pikachu, use Thunderbolt! (And aim it for the horn!) PIIIIKAAA…. CHUUUUUUUU!!!!!! Gold: Yeah, I really hated that Rhyhorn as well Gold: Go, Ampharos! Red: Level (0)2 Ampharo(u)s Let me guess you hate him as well. Gold: Yep. Ampharos……. Ampharos: I already know the drill. 🙁 (He attac, he protec, but most importantly…He did a nec crac Red: Wow, that… Was dark. Gold: Primeape! Primeape: I know… 🙁 (Hahahaha….HAHAHAHAHAHA…..
Ｈ Ａ Ｈ Ａ Ｈ Ａ Ｈ Ａ Ｈ Ａ Ｈ Ａ Ｈ Ａ ！) Red: This battle really took a left turn. Gold: Gyarados! Gyarados: Please! I don’t wanna di- Gold: Damn it, Gyarados! You better f*cking do it you little b*tch! Gyarados: I have kids and a family! (And they’re all Magikarps.) Red: Enough! Did you come here to win or you’re just gonna waste my time here?! Gold: Waste your time? Gyarados: He means win. Gold: Oh, yeah! Win! Definitely win! Red: Then stop forcing your Pokémon commit suicide, and actually try to defeat me! Gold: Fine! Gyarados! I’ll deal with you later. Gold: Alright, since you desperately want me to take your title of Pokémon Champion away from you. It’s time to get serious. Red: Finally! Gold: Go, Typhlosion! Red: If you have a level se- What the f*ck, Typhlosion? Okay. Red: If you have a Level 70 Typhlosion, why were the rest of your Pokémon under Level 20? Gold: I dunno, I thought it would be funny! Red: Pikachu, use Thunderbolt! PIIIIIKAAAAA…… CHUUUUUUUU!!!!!!! Red: Alright, go ahead and finish your turn so we can get this battle over with. Red: A Full Restore?! Wow! So you’re THAT kind of player. Red: Pikachu, use Thunderbolt, once more! PIIIIIKAAAA….. CHUUUUUUU!!!!!!! Red: Another Full Restore? This is your last Pokemon, just give up! Red: Pikachu, use Thunderbolt, once more! PIIIIIKAAAA…. CHUUUUUU!!!!!!!! Gold: I’ll never give up! Red: Alright, this is getting old now! Pikachu: Uh, Red? I’m almost out of PP for Thunderbolt. Red: Pikachu, use Thunderbolt! Pikachu: *le sigh* PIIIIIKAAAAA…… CHUUUUU Red: Stop doing that! How many Full Restores do you even have?! Gold: Uh……… Gold: Not that much. Red: Pikachu, use Thunderbolt! Pikachu: I can’t. Red: What do you mean you can’t?! Pikachu: I mean, I can’t. I ran out of PP. Red: Fine… Pikachu, use Tackle! PIKACHUUU! Gold: Typhlosion, use Earthquake! Pikachu: What the f*ck? Red: I……..Lost!? Gold: I’m gonna go tell everyone that I defeated the Pokémon Champion! Gold: After only being a Trainer for A WEEK! Gold: Pokémon Champion? More like… NOT Pokémon Champion! Red: My entire journey… All ruined by a novice Pokémon Trainer! Red: Screw this, I’m going back to college! Old Lady: Subscribe to the channel. Old Man: What if they don’t want to subscribe to the channel? *SLAP!* Old Man: AHH! SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHANNEL! SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHANNEL! Old Man: Wait! Click one of these videos to watch more Pokémon parodies! Old Lady: Very good.