Red vs Gold Pokémon Battle – How it actually happened

Red vs Gold Pokémon Battle – How it actually happened

Mondays and Fridays at 3 p.m.. Central Red: I’ve been traveling all over the Kanto and Johto region for as long as I can remember(Oh Arceus, he talks!). Red: And after finally becoming the Pokémon Champion, it feels so good to just come up here and retire from Pokémon battling all together. Gold: Hey are you Red, the Pokémon Champion? Red: What how did you find me up here? Gold: Wow, it really is you! You’re like the strongest Pokémon Trainer in the world! Gold: Well… In the Kanto and Johto region at least. Red: This place is supposed to be guarded by Articuno, Zapdos, and Moltres. How did you get past my three legendary birds? Gold: Uh……. Gold: I don’t know. Red: Wow. Well, could you please leave? I came here to find true inner peace. Gold: *sucks air* Aaahhhh… See, I came here all the way from New Bark Town, and I’m NOT leaving until I defeat you in battle. Red: Sorry, kid. I’d really hate t- Gold: *sucks air* Aaahhhh… -Red: I- I’d really hate to disappoint you, but-
-Gold: *sucks air* Aaaaahhhhhhh…… -Red: I- I’m retired! So-
-Gold: *sucks air* AAAAAAAARGHHH…….. Gold: Like I said, I came here all the way from New Bark Town. Gold: And I am NOT leaving until I defeat you in battle. Red: You really think you can defeat me, the Pokémon Champion? How long ago did you even get your first Pokemon? -Gold: Last week.
-Red: Last week, and you think you can defeat me? Red: The Pokémon Champion, after being a Pokémon Trainer for only a week? Gold: Pretty much. Red: Alright, well, you can go back home because I am not- Yep, I guess the battle sequence is beginning. Red: For the record, I didn’t want a battle you, like… At all. Gold: Go, Pidgey! Red: Hahahaha, You come here expecting to win with a Level 12 Pidgey? I can’t believe I’m doing this. Red: Go, Pikachu! Pika…. CHUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!! (Holy Trubbish get me the Distortion World outta here!) Gold: Pidgey, use Tackle! Pidgey: I don’t know about this, Gold. Maybe this is the one battle we can’t actually wi- -Gold: What was that?!
-Pidgey: What, no! It was nothi- -Gold: Did you just talk back to me?!
-Pidgey: No-no! I- I swear- Gold: Do you need to get the PokéBelt? Pidgey: No, I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Gold: Then use Tackle on that overly-muscular Pikachu! Pidgey: Okay! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (Pidgey was Cubone after all!) Red: Uh…What was that? Gold: Oh, that? It’s nothing. I just REALLY hated Pidgey. Red: This is already weirder than the battle I had with Ash Ketchum. Gold: Go, Rhyhorn! Red: First a Level 12 Pidgey and now a Level 10 Rhyhorn? Red: You really didn’t think this through, have you? Red: Pikachu, use Thunderbolt! (And aim it for the horn!) PIIIIKAAA…. CHUUUUUUUU!!!!!! Gold: Yeah, I really hated that Rhyhorn as well Gold: Go, Ampharos! Red: Level (0)2 Ampharo(u)s Let me guess you hate him as well. Gold: Yep. Ampharos……. Ampharos: I already know the drill. 🙁 (He attac, he protec, but most importantly…He did a nec crac Red: Wow, that… Was dark. Gold: Primeape! Primeape: I know… 🙁 (Hahahaha….HAHAHAHAHAHA…..
H A H A H A H A H A H A H A !) Red: This battle really took a left turn. Gold: Gyarados! Gyarados: Please! I don’t wanna di- Gold: Damn it, Gyarados! You better f*cking do it you little b*tch! Gyarados: I have kids and a family! (And they’re all Magikarps.) Red: Enough! Did you come here to win or you’re just gonna waste my time here?! Gold: Waste your time? Gyarados: He means win. Gold: Oh, yeah! Win! Definitely win! Red: Then stop forcing your Pokémon commit suicide, and actually try to defeat me! Gold: Fine! Gyarados! I’ll deal with you later. Gold: Alright, since you desperately want me to take your title of Pokémon Champion away from you. It’s time to get serious. Red: Finally! Gold: Go, Typhlosion! Red: If you have a level se- What the f*ck, Typhlosion? Okay. Red: If you have a Level 70 Typhlosion, why were the rest of your Pokémon under Level 20? Gold: I dunno, I thought it would be funny! Red: Pikachu, use Thunderbolt! PIIIIIKAAAAA…… CHUUUUUUUU!!!!!!! Red: Alright, go ahead and finish your turn so we can get this battle over with. Red: A Full Restore?! Wow! So you’re THAT kind of player. Red: Pikachu, use Thunderbolt, once more! PIIIIIKAAAA….. CHUUUUUUU!!!!!!! Red: Another Full Restore? This is your last Pokemon, just give up! Red: Pikachu, use Thunderbolt, once more! PIIIIIKAAAA…. CHUUUUUU!!!!!!!! Gold: I’ll never give up! Red: Alright, this is getting old now! Pikachu: Uh, Red? I’m almost out of PP for Thunderbolt. Red: Pikachu, use Thunderbolt! Pikachu: *le sigh* PIIIIIKAAAAA…… CHUUUUU Red: Stop doing that! How many Full Restores do you even have?! Gold: Uh……… Gold: Not that much. Red: Pikachu, use Thunderbolt! Pikachu: I can’t. Red: What do you mean you can’t?! Pikachu: I mean, I can’t. I ran out of PP. Red: Fine… Pikachu, use Tackle! PIKACHUUU! Gold: Typhlosion, use Earthquake! Pikachu: What the f*ck? Red: I……..Lost!? Gold: I’m gonna go tell everyone that I defeated the Pokémon Champion! Gold: After only being a Trainer for A WEEK! Gold: Pokémon Champion? More like… NOT Pokémon Champion! Red: My entire journey… All ruined by a novice Pokémon Trainer! Red: Screw this, I’m going back to college! Old Lady: Subscribe to the channel. Old Man: What if they don’t want to subscribe to the channel? *SLAP!* Old Man: AHH! SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHANNEL! SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHANNEL! Old Man: Wait! Click one of these videos to watch more Pokémon parodies! Old Lady: Very good.


  1. Pidgey: uses Tackle on Pikachu
    Pikachu: takes no damage, & Eventually Attacks The bird, Gold’s Pokémon
    Pidgey: loses To Lv. 81 Pikachu
    Gold: hates all of his Pokémon, So Pikachu could kill them all

  2. The best part is that Gold didn't really need to spam Full Restores to win in the first turn already with a OHKO Earthquake, he just basically did that to add salt to the wound

  3. 4:56 Ash: How is that even humanly possible?
    Me(Chris king): That's inpossible.
    Red: THIS IS MADNESS!!!!!!
    Me(Chris King):Madness? THIS. IS. SPARTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Drago: Hey Chris. You want me to burn this punk?
    Me (Chris king): Oh my Enma yes! Burn him! Send him to the shadow realm!
    Drago:you got it. Burning Dragon!
    Gold: Oh no! My full restores! Also my flesh as well,but mostly my full restores!
    That's what you get for spamming full restore over and over.
    Drago:I think we learn a valuable lesson.
    Me(Chris King): Kill what you don't understand and also kill those who spam stuff.

  4. 1:20 last week? so wait he got all 16 badges, defeated the elite four and made it to red all in 1 week, damn he should be a master

  5. Goddammit kid these days. Fuking Hacks to win game.
    I hundred percent sure that this kid used hack to get infinite power store. ~w~

  6. Wtf i thought red had full set of a god damn pomemon and he fucking bought one damn pikachu where the fuck is hes charizard and stuff?

  7. People didn’t notice the vegeta reference saying. “This is the one battle we can’t actually win” lmao 😂 😂

  8. Thunderbolt should not work on ryhorn anime logic and red should 3, two more Pokemon like a chsrxisrd and Lapras or snktkols

  9. Beat all eight gyms, scraped through the elite 4 with my highest level Pokemon being like, level 46, weakest being about 28, fuck yeah, ah shit, Kanto bitchesssssss, ahhh shit, e4 round two mother fuckers, let's do this! Fucking slapped them with a 65, oh damn this cave got legit the most awesome late level Pokemon in the game, who this up to- oh my God is that me from the last ga- holy fucking shit is that a level eighty on- Jesus fucking Christ he bitch slapped my starter into oblivion with a sing- WHAT IS HAPPEN-
    You have blacked out.

    If that wasn't your first experience with red, you grinded too much, I will forever fondly remember getting analy fisted by a level 80~ Pikachu on steroids my first play through of gold/silver. Like the pacing for that was so hilarious, you just got done beating the elite four twice and you feel like king shit just to have one of the least intimidating Pokemon in the entire series just mop the floor with you as if you were fucking nothing, just leaves you sitting there processing what just happened, fucking got clapped by a roiding pikachu, it's a self-aware joke and it's one I'll always remember when I think about Pokemon games.

    I like coming out of a fight by the skin of my teeth more than I enjoy complete domination over an opponent, so when red shows up and rapes me with a level 88 Pikachu it's fucking hilarious because you know that you technically are that guy, kicking your own fucking ass, you're the NPC

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.