Ricky Gervais: Hosting The 2018 Golden Globes Would’ve Ended My Career

Ricky Gervais: Hosting The 2018 Golden Globes Would’ve Ended My Career


LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST
GUEST TONIGHT IS AN EMMY-WINNING COMEDIAN WHO CREATED “THE
OFFICE” AND “EXTRAS.” PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW,
RICKY GERVAIS! ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )>>HELLO. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
OH, WOW. THANK YOU.>>Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU
AGAIN. THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.>>MY PLEASURE.>>Stephen: YOU LOOK GOOD. ( LAUGHS )
( LAUGHTER ).>>OH, THAT WAS REAL. THAT WASN’T SARCASM, THANK YOU,
THANK YOU.>>Stephen: YOU LOOK GOOD.>>I’M WEARING BLACK. IT HELPS. IT’S SLIMMING.>>Stephen: IS IT REALLY?>>AND TRACK SUIT. YOU’RE SAYING, “HE IS WEARING A
TRACK SUIT. HE MUST BE FIT.” I PUT ON WEIGHT. I PUT ON, I DON’T KNOW, 10
POUNDS OVER THE LAST YEAR. I’M LOSING THE BATTLE. ( LAUGHTER ).>>Stephen: WELL, I–
>>I DON’T CARE.>>Stephen: I WANTED TO ASK
YOU ABOUT THAT, BECAUSE I THINK YOU DO LOOK GOOD, ESPECIALLY
COMPARED TO THIS PHOTO YOU PUT UP THREE DAYS– THREE DAYS AGO,
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?>>YEAH.>>Stephen: THIS IS A PHOTO
YOU PUT UP. YOU PUT THIS PHOTO UP THREE DAYS
AGO. ( LAUGHTER )
WHY– WHY WOULD DO YOU THIS TO YOURSELF? WHY PUT THIS PHOTO UP?>>I PUT THAT UP AND I SAID, “I
PUT ON FIVE POUNDS OVER CHRISTMAS. PLEASE FAT-SHAME ME.” AND THEY DID.>>Stephen: PEOPLE WERE
HELPFULLY CRUEL.>>THEY WERE SAYING THINGS LIKE,
“HOW DO YOU GET RICKY GERVAIS INTO A SHOWER? GREASE THE SIDES AND THROW IN A
COOKIE.” ( LAUGHTER )
YEAH, SO IT– SOMEONE SAID, “IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE GIVING BIRTH
TO YOURSELF.” ( LAUGHTER )
SOMEONE WAS –>>Stephen: THAT’S DEEP.>>SOMEONE WAS REALLY POSITIVE. THEY SAID, “LOOK AT IT THIS WAY,
YOU’RE HARDER TO KIDNAP. ( LAUGHTER )
THAT’S GREAT. REALLY– THEY STRUGGLE, “MY
BACK’S GONE. LEAVE IT, FORGET IT.”>>Stephen: DONALD TRUMP’S
PHYSICIAN JUST SAID HE’S IN EXCELLENT HEALTH, 6’3″, 239
POUNDS.>>I’M GOING TO THAT DOCTOR.>>Stephen: WHO MIGHT THE
DOCTOR SAY ABOUT YOU?>>I HAVE A PHYSICAL EVERY YEAR
AND IT’S ALWAYS THE SAME. I MEAN, I HAVE EVERYTHING NOW. I’M IN MY 50s I HAD THE… AND
THE FINGER EVERYTHING AND, RIGHT. YEAH. AND THEY SAY, “WELL, YOU KNOW,
YOU’RE SLIGHTLY– A LITTLE BIT OVERWEIGHT.” AND THEY’RE DOING IT NICELY, YOU
KNOW WHAT I MEAN? AND THEY G, SO WHAT ARE WE GOING
TO DO ABOUT IT?” AND I SAY, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT? YOU’RE THE DOCTOR.” IF I TAKE MY CAR TO THE
MECHANICAC AND HE GOES, “IT’S BROKEN. WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO.” YOU’RE GOING TO FIX IT. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? IF DONALD TRUMP IS HEALTHY, I’M
HEALTHY. HE’S LIKE MY CANARY IN THE MINE. THERE WAS A STORY IN ENGLAND
ABOUT A GUY WHO WENT TO THE DOCTOR BECAUSE HE WAS OUT OF
BREATH. AND IT WAS BECAUSE HE WAS SO
CONSTIPATED THAT IT WAS PUSHING HIS LUNGS UP, RIGHT. SO I’M– IF I DID THAT, I’D SAY,
“I’M NOT GOING TO GO TO THE TOILET NOW.” I’D SAY, “YOU’RE THE DOCTOR, GET
IN THERE WITH A SPOON. GET IT OUT. SORT ME OUT. I’M NOT GONNA–” AT THAT POINT,
I THINK I’D HAVE A CESAREAN. I WOULDN’T– I WOULDN’T– I
WOULDN’T GO THROUGH THE PAIN. SO, YEAH —
>>Stephen: YOU’VE BEEN FIT, THOUGH. HAVEN’T WE HAD “FIT RICKY?”
>>I’VE BEEN FIT.>>Stephen: IN YOUR FAMOUS
PROFESSIONAL CAREER, YOU’VE HAD WAVES OF FITNESS.>>I WAS FIT FOR THE FIRST 28
YEARS, I’D SAY. AND THEN I GOT– I THINK I GOT
FATTER AND FATTER OVER 20 YEARS, RIGHT. AND I REACHED MY SORT OF PEAK OF
SORT OF UNWELLNESS AND BLOBBINESS ABOUT 48. I WAS LYING AT HOME ON THE
FLOOR, RIGHT, AND I WAS SAYING TO JANE, “I’M HAVING A HEART
ATTACK.” AND I FELT SORT– HOT AND CLAMMY
BECAUSE I’D EATEN 11 SAUSAGES, RIGHT? ( LAUGHTER )
AND I WASN’T HAVING A HEART ATTACK, BUT JANE SAID, “YOU HAVE
TO GET FIT.” SO I SORT OF GOT FIT BUT IT’S
CREEPING BACK ON. I DID IT BY WORKING OUT. I WORKED OUT AN HOUR AND A HALF
EVERY DAY LIKE ROCKY SO I COULD GO HOME AND EAT PIZZA AND DRINK
BEER EVERY NIGHT. AND I STILL DO THAT AND I’M
GOING TO GET FATTER AND FATTER AND I’M GOING TO DIE.>>Stephen: SO IT HAS A HAPPY
ENDING.>>YEAH, EVERYONE DOES DIE.>>Stephen: EVERYONE DOES DIE,
YEAH. ( LAUGHTER ).>>THIS HAS BROUGHT THE TONE
DOWN A BIT.>>Stephen: A LITTLE BIT. A LITTLE BIT. YOU MADE QUITE A SPLASH OVER THE
YEARS HOSTING THE GOLDEN GLOBES. HOW MANY TIMESES?>>FOUR.>>Stephen: FOUR TIMES, AGO. THIS YEAR WAS KIND OF–
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THEY’RE APPLAUDING THE NUMBER
FOUR.>>YEAH.>>Stephen: AND THIS YEAR WAS
A VERY PROMINENT YEAR FOR THE GOLDEN GLOBES. I THINK SETH DID A REALLY LOVELY
JOB.>>YEAH.>>Stephen: BUT A LOT OF
PEOPLE WHEN THEY WERE WRITING ABOUT IT GIVEN THE #METOO, OR
THE “TIME’S UP” MOVEMENT, THANK GOD RICKY GERVAIS DIDN’T HOST IT
THIS YEAR. HE WOULD HAVE BEEN TOO
IRREVERENT. OR, “I WISH HE HAD BECAUSE WE
WOULD HAVE SEEN MORE IRREVERENCE.” WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?>>I WAS JEALOUS OF SETH. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN AMAZING. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE END OF MY
CAREER.>>Stephen: BUT WE ALL DIE.>>RIGHT, IT DOESN’T MATTER, I’M
GOING TO DIE SOON. HONESTLY, IT DOESN’T MATTER. I THINK THAT’S WHY I’VE DONE THE
BEST STAND-UP EVER BECAUSE I’M SO CLOSE TO DEATH THAT I THINK
WHAT’S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN TO ME? I MEAN, SOMEONE BEING OFFENDED
NOW IS NOTHING. “SO WHAT? I’M GOING TO DIE.”>>Stephen: WERE THERE THINGS
YOU WANTED TO TALK ABOUT– IT’S A VERY SENSITIVE SUBJECT.>>THE MORE SENSITIVE, THE
BETTER. THAT’S THE FUN FOR ME, TALKING
ABOUT IRREVERENT AND SENSITIVE AND TABOO SUBJECTS. THERE’S NO SUBJECT YOU SHOULDN’T
JOKE ABOUT. IT DEPENDS ON THE ALL JOKE AND
TARGET. AND PEOPLE GET OFFENDED WHEN
THEY MISTAKE THE SUBJECT OF JOKE AND THE ALL TARGET AND THEY’RE
NOT NECESSARILY THE SAME. SOME PEOPLE ARE OFFENDED FINE. JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE OFFENDED
DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE RIGHT. SOME PEOPLE ARE OFFENDED BY
EQUALITY. YOUR PRESIDENT, HE’S OFFENDED BY
EQUALITY. IT DOESN’T MEAN HE’S RIGHT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).>>Stephen: THE– THIS– I
HAVE TO ASK, YOU’RE WEARING ALL BLACK. THAT’S VERY WOKE OF YOU. IS THAT– IS THAT IN SOLIDARITY
WITH ANYONE?>>NO, BECAUSE IT’S SLIMMING. THAT’S ALL IT IS. ( LAUGHTER ).>>Stephen: I’M GOING TO MOVE
YOUR MIC DOWN SLIGHTLY, IF YOU DON’T MIND, IT’S CAUGHT IN
YOUR–>>ABUSE. THIS IS ABUSE.>>Stephen: IT’S CAUGHT IN
YOUR NEC.>>OH, THAT ONE AGAIN. YEAH, YEAH. BUT DID I REALLY NEED THE ONE ON
MY TESTICLES YOU PUT ON EARLIER. YOU SAID IT’S GOING GOODFOR PICK
UP THE BASS. IS THAT TRUE? IS THAT A REAL THING.>>Stephen: YEAH, YEAH.>>REALLY.>>Stephen: THE SUBWOULD HAVER
IS WHAT WE CALL IT.>>WHICH IS WHAT I CALL YOU NOW.>>Stephen: WOULD YOU CARE TO
WOOF ME SUB?>>NONE OF THIS WILL GO OUT.>>Stephen: YOU CREATED A GAME
SHOW. IT’S CALLED “CHILD SUPPORT.” WHY AND WHAT AND IF YOU HAVE
TIME WHERE?>>IT’S LIKE A CLASSIC GAME SHOW
WITH A TWIST. “WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE.” MEMBERS OF THE PUBLIC ANSWER
QUESTIONS FOR THE MONEY AND THE MONEY GETS BIGGER.>>Stephen: YOU’RE THE HOST?>>I’M NOT THE HOST. THAT’S TOO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY
PMEN.FRED SAVAGE IS THE HOST. IF THEY GET A QUESTION WRONG, IT
GOES TO ME IN A ROOM WITH SIX, SEVEN- AND EIGHT-YEAR-OLDS. I ASK THEM QUESTIONS, AND IF ONE
GETS THE QUESTION RIGHT, THE ADULT IS SAVED. IT’S FUN FOR ME. THEY INSULT ME. THEY DON’T RESPECT ME, WHICH I
LIKE. THAT’S GOOD. IT’S A GOOD THING. I WAS– ONE LITTLE GIRL SAID,
“ARE YOU MARRIED? AND I SAID, “SORT OF. I’VE BEEN WITH THE SAME
GIRLFRIEND FOR OVER 30 YEARS.” AND SHE WENT, “WHY DON’T YOU
PROPOSE TO HER, THEN?” GIVING ME A HARD TIME. AND THEY SAY THINGS LIKE, “WE
CAN SEE YOUR BALD SPOT.” AND I JUST LAUGH. IT’S JUST FUNNY. IT’S PURE FUN.>>Stephen: DO YOU HAVE
CHILDREN OF YOUR OWN?>>I DON’T, NO. I DON’T KNOW, NO. BUT THIS IS THE BEST OF BOTH
WORLDS, I CAN HAVE FUN WITH THEM, GET THEM RILED UP, TEASE
THEM, LAUGH, AND THEN I SAY, “THEY’RE NOT MINE,” AND GO TO
THE PUB. SOMEONE ELSE’S PROBLEM. IT’S PERFECT.>>Stephen: I HAVE TO TRY
THAT. I HAVE TO TRY, THAT YEAH. SO WHAT KIND OF QUESTIONS ARE
YOU HITTING THESE KIDS WITH? ARE THEY REALLY TOUGH?>>THEY GET TOUGHER. BUT IT MIGHT BE A TOP QUESTION
THE ADULT DOESN’T KNOW, SOMETHING ABOUT DISNEY. THEY’VE BEEN SAVED– WITHOUT
GIVING TOO MUCH AWAY– BY ASTRONOMY QUESTIONS. SOME OF THEM ARE LITTLE GENIUSS. BUT THEY’RE ALL SORT OF SWEET
AND ALL DIFFERENT. IT’S JUST FUNNY. IT’S JUST FUN TOW WATCH THEM. I COULD JUST SIT THERE ALL DAY
BECAUSE THERE’S NO FILTER. THEY’RE JUST SO HONEST. THAT’S WHAT IS SO FUNNY ABOUT
IT. I THINK HONESTY IS FUNNY.>>Stephen: CHILDREN ARE
UNFILTERED. THEY’RE UNFILTERED, YEAH. WE HAVE TALKED OFTEN WHEN YOU’RE
ON HERE– AND I LOVE IT WHEN YOU’RE ON, WE TALKED SEVERAL
TIMES, YOU TALK ABOUT GOD SEVERAL TIMES. IT’S BEEN NINE MONTHS SINCE THE
LAST TIME YOU WERE ON AND WE’RE THAT MUCH CLOSER TO ME.>>NOT JUST ME, THE WHOLE WORLD.>>Stephen: THE WORLD. AND PEOPLE OFTEN, AS THE SAYING
GOES, FIND GOD AS THEY APPROACH THEIR FINAL BOARDS. AND NOW THAT YOU’RE OLDER, HAS
IT OCCURRED TO YOU AGAIN, HAVE YOU GIVEN ANY MORE THOUGHT TO
GOD AND WHETHER HE MIGHT BE REAL?>>UH, YEAH, I THINK ABOUT IT
EVERY DAY.>>Stephen: YEAH.>>YEAH, HE’S NOT. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )>>Stephen: THERE WAS A
STUDY– THIS WAS A STUDY ACTUALLY I JUST READ THE
HEADLINE, BUT IT WAS JUST LAST WEEK, BUT THERE WAS A STUDY IN
ENGLAND THAT THEY TOOK A SURVEY OF EIGHTHESTS AND THEY SAID,
“WHEN YOU THINK DEATH IS IMMINENT, ONE QUARTER OF THE
RESPONDENTS WHO SAID THEY WERE ATHEISTS SAID THEY PRAYED. WOULD YOU PRAY?>>NO.>>Stephen: LIKE IF YOU’RE IN
HAWAII, LIKE HAWAII, WHEN THE MISSILES ARE COMING.>>YEAH.>>Stephen: OR YOU THINK THE
MISSILES ARE COME AGO.>>OH, THEY HAD A 38-MINUTE
WARNING.>>Stephen: A 38-MINUTE
WARNING, A MILLION PEOPLE IN HAWAII THOUGHT FOR 38 MINUTES,
THE BOMB WAS COMING, WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH YOUR 38 MINUTES?>>I’D WATCH THE FIRST HALF OF
MY NETFLIX SPECIAL. ( LAUGHTER )
IT STREAMS ON THE 13th OF MARCH. SO —
>>Stephen: OH, OKAY.>>I THINK SO. YOU MIGHT AS WELL GO OUT WITH–
SOME PEOPLE WOULD SAY, “I’M GOING TO HAVE SEX.” 38 MINUTES WHAT, WOULD YOU DO
WITH THE REST OF THE TIME? YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? I SUGGEST YOU WATCH MY SPECIAL.>>Stephen: OKAY. JUST HAVE IT CUED UP ALL THE
TIME.>>WHILE MASTURBATING. ♪ ♪ ♪
>>Stephen: SO CLOSE, SO CLOSE TO A HAPPY ENDING. RICKY, IT WAS SO LOVELY TO SEE
YOU AGAIN. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
“CHILD SUPPORT” AIRS FRIDAYS ON ABC. PLUS THE NETFLIX THING, MARCH
13. RICKY GERVAIS, EVERYBODY!

100 Comments

  1. Ricky's a real gentleman to put up with Colbert's loony cult/religious questions… Colbert needs to come to his senses and get a life beyond the catholic cult.

  2. He may have played it off as a joke. But this whole idea of trying to get atheists to convert to God at times of desperation is a really sinister and evil part of theism. Trying to manipulate people when they might be weak. Who exactly does Stephen think we might bow and pray to? we don't believe in any of the Gods, not just his. He wouldn't consider speaking to Vishnu, or thousands of other deities just like us Atheists wouldn't. The only difference is that we carry that on with his local God also. People don't seem to understand that Atheism is a lack of belief in God claims (all of them) nothing more or less. There is however one very easy way to convert us all if you really wish to do so…. Back up your claims with the same kind of evidence that you'd demand from any other claim, faith isn;t going to cut it, you wouldn't need faith if you actually had a good reason, and besides, there's absolutely nothing you couldn't believe on faith. As Ricky would say…. Thank God I'm an atheist.

  3. that "you're harder to kidnap" bit is really at his level, that's a really clever comeback. cuddos to the one who sent that line!!

  4. If I had 38 minutes left I would run to the small market 5 minutes away, buy a pack of cigarettes, haven’t smoked in 25 years, return home, make a stiff gin and tonic, then light up.

  5. I really respect him for saying “there’s nothing you cannot joke about it just depends on the subject and the target” and that’s true, when he said god isn’t real, that was just a funny little joke, the target being the audience there. If he were to say people were stupid for believing in a god or something that’d be something else, because then people would just be the butt of a joke they wouldn’t want to be.

    It makes so much sense and people nowadays really need to learn the difference between the two

  6. He describes his new show here! "Life after death". "What's the worst that can happen?. I'm going to die anyway."

  7. lekker direct temidden van de Anglo-Amerikaanse preutsheid ! bless u Ricky Gervais, keep on going your own way !!!! don't adjust 2 the use / gb standards !! love u !

  8. 6:22 I love these leftist voices trying to reclaim "not getting offended" and trying to act like right-wing figures are just so offended by "equality". What a retarded statement.

  9. Colbert managed less than 2 minutes before having to bring up Donald Trump. I swear watching his interviews that;'s his only ever topic of conversation.

  10. David Bowies cameo song in extras:Chubby little loser!! Is once again Rickys theme song.Haha. I miss David Bowie 🙁

  11. I used to be curious to know more about everything … When I was a child I really been so much better treatment from grown up people More than others kids , As a kid We all liked to be taken seriously & since I was a straight A student with sassy gemini attitude I kind get away with the habit we all had : kids be like … Are we there yet ? … Are we there yet ? … Adults lost it after the 89 time 💣😤🤕 SAY IT ONE MORE TIME , SAY IT AND YOU GONNA REGRET YOU LITTLE BRAT 👿🔧
    ME : observing from a distance … And I realized the streets lights/trees are all looking like running back the opposite direction ! The question is why ? And other times I asked about the huge buildings , each time I get everyone best answer they all seemed competing to be helpful …
    I grow up noticed that at the teenage years , The best thing to avoid conflicts is by following their orders THATS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE ! even today's at 30 I simply don't have any explanation for why forcing others individual to match my personal better system is suspicious more than assuring that a kind of careful & based on the purpose of protecting their inexperienced UNAWARE UNREADY vulnerable consciousness !
    IF ANYONE HAS AN ACTUAL SCIENTIFIC ACADEMIC RESOURCES OFFICIAL RELEASED FACTS ABOUT WHAT IS CONSCIOUSNESS ? OR PROVEN THAT OUR CONSCIOUSNESS IS LINKED OR ORIGINATED AT THE BRAIN ? OR EVEN IDENTIFIED IT AS INSIDE OUR BODIES PHYSICALLY ? … THEN YOU HAVE SOMETHING BETTER BUT THATS NOT OTHERS FAULT ! THEY AS YOU DID NOT CHOSEN THEIR POSITIONS SO WHY SHOULD YOU ?
    WE REACHED A TIME WHEN YOUR QUESTIONS ARE COULD LEAD TO YOUR DEATH .. NOT YOUR SUSPICIOUS ODD BEHAVIOR OF HIDING BEHIND YOUR IGNORANCE HOLDING ON SOMETHING ONLY TO REMAIN IN CONTROL HAVING AUTHORITIES & POWER EVEN IF YOUR FAITH WILLING TO SACRIFICE HUMANS !
    CONSPIRACY THEORISTS SPREADING EVERY KIND OF SCENARIOS COULDN'T GET TO HOLLYWOOD SO LETS REVENGE ! THE HISTORICAL RECORD : 3000 YEARS WARS IN THE NAME OF GOD COSTS HUMANITY A LOT ! ITS STILL ON … THEBIS NO SINGLE WAR IN THE NAME OF HOLLYWOOD NOR MUSIC THE VOICE OF INNER PEACE ! BELIEVING IN GOD IS WAY TO SPIRITUAL YOU ARE NOT A FOLLOWER FOR THEIR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS CONTROLLED BY YOUR SUPERIOR LEADERS ! I LOVE THE IDEA OF JUSTICE GOD DOES NOT SPYING ON US FROM ABOVE ! GOD IS NOT MALE FIGURE ! SEEING IS NOT BELIEVING BUT TRYING TO BE ONE LOST IN THE CROWD IS INSULT AGAINST YOUR TINIEST CELLS, THEY GOT THEIR OWN DNA ! DEFEND YOUR ORDINALITY ATTACK MY UNIQUENESS … THATS YOUR PERSONAL WAR , YOU NEED A LOT TO CONSIDER YOURSELF MATCHING FREE INDEPENDENT COMPLETE HUMAN BEINGS , OUR HEADS ARE NOT YOUR TOILET SEAT YOU SHOULD BE VERY CAREFUL YOU MIGHT ENDED UP TRAPPED IN THE ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE THANKS TO OUR OWN MINDS … 👁😌💅🏼🚺

  12. Am I the only one who saw when he said “what about the one you put on my testicle earlier” the other bloke didn’t laugh for like two seconds

  13. Can that man Colbert, not get through 10 minutes of his sorry life without bringing up "Donald Trump"? His life must revolve around his obsession!

  14. Adidas tracks. Now thats a man who knows where he comes from. Love this man. Genius, funny and real. Brave too……LOL!!!

  15. I have a theory that Colbert doesn't really like Ricky Gervais that much. Don't know if it's true but there is something there.

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