Gus: So, while I was in New York, I went to the Natural History Museum. Bernie: Such a fucking dopey museum.
Gus: So I was looking at the minerals and gems exhibit. And, there’s an exhibit where there’s just like, a bunch of quartz. And I’m just there staring at this stupid quartz Gus: and this like teenage girl comes up
Barb: It’s me! Gus: and like elbows me out of the way
Bernie: Side check! Gus: And she gets her cell phone camera out and like starts taking pictures of this quartz and she’s there with her friend and she turns to her friend and goes: “I love diamonds. They’re my favorite.” And it’s like, if you just look like two inches down, you’ll see the big letters that says “QUARTZ” Geoff: [laughs] These would have been the biggest diamonds in the world. Barb in a nasal voice: You know what they say, diamonds are a girl’s best friend. Gus: If they were diamonds.
Barb in voice: Click. Gus: A little later, we were walking around and I saw this penny press machine. You know, where you put in two quarters and a penny and you crank the handle and it spits out like a deformed penny? So, there’s a change machine next to it, which gave you quarters but did not give you pennies But it was right by the gift shop. So I go to the gift shop and I’m like, “Hey, Can I just get some change. I want a couple of pennies for the penny press out there.” “Oh we can’t open the cash register unless you buy something.” So I go, alright, and I just grab like some gummy bears. And I’m like, “I want to buy these.” And the guy opens up the register and gives me change. But the pennies he gives me are like super dull, and like cruddy. But I see some shiny ones in the register So the guy goes to give me my change and I’m like “Wait wait wait wait!” And I was like, “Can I trade these two pennies for those two shiny ones you have right there?” And the guy’s like, “What? And I was like, “Well, I told you I’m going to go use the penny press and you gave me these dull pennies I see two shiny ones on top. Can I just trade you these two for those two?” And he’s like, eyeing the shiny pennies in his register Barb: Why is it such an issue for him?
Gus: I know! Gus: And so I give him the two dull ones and he’s like looking at them and then he pulls the two shiny ones out and starts examining them. Like I’m trying to pull some kind of scam on him. Like I noticed a special penny in the register and he’s like comparing them and then the shiny ones are the kind with the shield on them And it’s like setting off all his alarms and I was like, “I told you. I just want to go use the penny press machine. Can you please just give me those two fucking pennies?” Barb: Is that when you pulled out your gun and held him up? [end music]