Roy Wood Jr. Can’t Walk Out of Best Buy Without a Bag – Roy Wood Jr.: Father Figure

Roy Wood Jr. Can’t Walk Out of Best Buy Without a Bag – Roy Wood Jr.: Father Figure


Love black music, man. Hits you, you know. That’s why I have–
that’s why I have a hard time going to see
civil rights movies. I have to go see
civil right movies in the middle of the day so nobody can see me crying. ‘Cause them movies
be hitting you, man. Civil rights movies get me
with that Negro humming. Oh, my God, I break down. ‘Cause you know, every
civil rights movie just got that scene where it’s
just some humming. ♪ Freedom ♪ (humming) You tell me that don’t
break you down, in the middle of a civil rights
movie, just that humming? There don’t even be nothing
serious happening on screen, I be crying. It’s just a dude putting
butter on a waffle, and just… (humming) ♪ Freedom ♪ (humming continues) You be
in the theater bawling. “He was just putting butter
on the waffle! They wouldn’t let him,
they wouldn’t let him.” Civil rights movies get me
all the time, man. They get me with that humming,
and then they always make black people fall
in slow motion. Yo, every civil rights movie,
a black person fall in slow– Why you got to
slow down my pain? Just play it
at regular speed. Any time a black person falls
in a civil rights movie, they fall, then they do
that double bounce in the dirt and the dirt come up. “Get out of here, darkie!
Just get out!” “Ohhh!” Pfft!
Pfft! (cheers and applause) Don’t do that to me. Most powerful civil rights
movie scene of all time is “Selma.” I can name the scene. It’s when Oprah Winfrey
got slapped. This dude slapped the fire–
It was the second time, not the first time she got
slapped, the second time. This dude slapped
Oprah Winfrey so hard, she fell in slow motion
and there was Negro humming. I left the theater. I couldn’t even tell you
how the movie ended. It was too powerful.
My emotions. First of all,
Oprah couldn’t have known she was getting slapped. She didn’t know. She didn’t know
she was getting slapped. That dude–
That was Ava DuVernay, that was the director,
she made that choice. That’s a good-ass director, Ava DuVernay went up to
that actor between scenes. “Okay, we love what
you’re doing, okay? “We’re getting a lot
of good stuff from you. “We’re just gonna
change it up this scene. “Okay, this time, this time, “Oprah’s gonna
come over, okay? “She’s gonna do
her lines, and Oprah, “she finishes her lines,
you slap the shit out, just– slap Oprah.” “Does Oprah know?” “No, do what I tell you!
I’m Ava DuVernay! Slap Oprah!” Oprah came over
to that dude, man. You could see it in her face. She didn’t know that–
that slap was coming. “We ain’t leaving
till we get our rights.” Skaboom! ♪ Oh, freedom ♪ (humming) Pfft!
Pfft! The thing
about this country is this: We’re all Americans.
People love to say that. That’s the first thing people
want to say when– when there’s some tension. “Oh, we’re all Americans. “You’re American
and I’m American. “Well, just, hell,
we all Americans. Can’t we just be
all Americans?” Yeah, we are. We all Americans. But we live
in two different Americas. That’s what it is. People forget that. And I don’t think
everybody that… doesn’t understand
what we go through is necessarily racist
or bigoted. That’s–
That’s a far jump. It’s a lot of folks that just
straight-up don’t know what it’s like. And you gotta educate ’em. You gotta educate ’em on
the kind of America you live in. I had to go to Best Buy and give
a dude some straightening. Straighten his ass out, yeah. I’m straightening. Dude at Best Buy gonna decide
I don’t need a bag with my purchase. “You just have an iPhone case. I figure you could just
pop that open.” No, I ain’t popping shit.
You put it in a bag. I need that in a bag. “What do you need a bag for? “I don’t understand
why you need a bag. “It’s wasteful.
Recycle. Don’t you care
about the Earth?” I go, “Sir, this has nothing
to do with the Earth. “I’m a black man in America. I gotta leave this store
with a bag, bro.” (cheers and applause) It’s about safety. I’m black, I don’t get
the luxury of just walking out with shit in my hand. That is a roll of the dice. That is a horrifying
day if I– No, not only do I
need that bag, bitch, I need that receipt! And staple it
to the outside. I don’t want a receipt
in my hand. You staple my receipt
to the outside like Chinese carryout, and I’ll hold it up in the air,
I’ll “Lion King”– I’ll “Hakuna Matata”
an iPhone case out of Best Buy. And it’s not his fault.
He just didn’t understand. He thought he was
saving the Earth, but he was saving a life,
that’s what he was doing. This has nothing to do
with recycling, man. ‘Cause, see, you might be
a cool person. He might– The cashier
might be a cool-ass dude, but we don’t know
what the security guard been through up front. I come prancing
out of Best Buy with this naked-ass
iPhone case in my hand. And here comes security. “Excuse me, sir.
Did you pay for that?” Oh, yeah,
I got the receipt. “He’s going for a gun!”
Skaboom! ♪ Oh, freedom, ohh ♪ Pfft!
Pfft! (cheers and applause)

100 Comments

  1. Welcome to the new Comedy Central Stand-Up YouTube channel! Hit subscribe for new, exclusive stand-up videos every week.

  2. These are life lessons I was taught since childhood…& I’m glad to see I wasn’t the only one who got it. I LOVE YOU, BLACK PEOPLE!!! LOL

  3. Man this so real 🤣🤣🤣🤣

    We just don’t get the benefit of doubt. Some people don’t know what it’s like to walk in the parking lot to the store and hear car door lock when they walking by minding their own business. Or see certain women clutch their purses when you walk by mind your own business.

  4. I bought something in Best Buy on Wednesday, had the receipt emailed to me and didn't have the item placed in a bag and I had no problem walking out the store.

  5. Craziest thing is when I was working LP at Best Buy, we were told never to try and STOP (physically) anyone trying to leave the store with unpaid merch. Most of us understood that it was just stuff. And there were people willing to kill you to steal that stuff. Some dude punched one of the associates, stole a PS3–PLAYSTATION THREE ran out the store and drove off. About 10 mins later, he was having a shoot out with the police. Having said all that, I AM black. I WILL take that bag AND that receipt.

  6. Masterful. Great seeing Roy evolve over the years and finally getting his well-deserved shine. He's soooooo good at stand-up. He needs to teach classes or something.

  7. That was a well rounded set right there! Love that he's not too on ther nose while still getting the comedy and the thoughtfulness across!

  8. I have been asked "Did you buy that?" At Wal-Mart more than any other store.
    I remember my mom telling me things not to do in a store because it will make people feel that you are a thef.

  9. “Not only do I need that bag bitch, I need that receipt!” I wanted to bring this up because I said receipt right along with him lol

  10. I literally just left Best Buy. The guy asked do you want a printed copy of your receipt? I'm like Yes Please and I was patiently waiting for him to put my item in a bag. It was too small but gimme that bag.

  11. Funny how we can all laugh at that. A lot of brothers have been harassed or killed by the cops just coz they bought and paid for something but a white cop didn't believe him… Or a white dude/woman calling the cops on you in your own neighborhood. It's sad. As he said…
    We all live in America but we live in a different America
    That's some true deep stuff

  12. Roy woods jr is a good man. This is how the conversation about race needs to take place. Addressing the reality of the modern man and asking society if we can justify this any longer.
    Melanin don’t make the man.

  13. I cant believe all the dopey ass comments here. EVERYBODY should get a receipt when they are leaving a store holding a brand new item they stock in THAT store.
    Whats with all the "amen brothers and sisters, we all said receipt at the same damn time uhh hmmm aints dats the truth!"
    Are you all broken? Ridiculous. Maybe you get stopped because shop lifting is a serious problem for stores that are barely making a profit as it is. Idiots.

  14. Security: Excuse me, did you pay for that?
    Roy: Yeah I got the receipt….
    Security: He's going for gun!
    😂 I almost died, funny ass shit!

  15. To be fair, as a security guard(@ a very large distribution warehouse), I trust the white folk the least because they some dumb mf and think Im always watching the brown and black folk, so they can get away with anything. 90% of the black folks are really respectful and nice to talk to, great to joke around with. Most of the brown folks seem really happy because lord knows most of them don't speak English lol. Mr. Wood is absolutely fantastic at his timing and setup, holy cow. I wouldn't be surprised if he has experience in Ministry. Much love and heartfelt hello from Kansas City!

  16. Fuck civil rights movies they just remind black people how much of a white supremacists society we still live , no teaching about ancient history of kemet on how they invented everything , no racist Hollywood begins with propoganda of slavery been black folks beginning , love from Eire

  17. As a black man I always feel pressured into buying something in a store even though I didn't find what I was actually looking for.

    It's really sad but it's reality. Me waking out store without a purchase would be immediately suspicious to "certain people".

  18. Roy's a riot, but he's missing the bigger picture. We aren't living in two different Americas, we're living a different experience. Just like poor hispanics and poor whites. Yeah, there are poor whites being screwed over by and preyed on by businesses and corporations, law enforcement and criminal justice, the financial sector, and politicians. There are as many of them as poor blacks and hispanics combined. Focus on us all you want, but when you start preaching social awareness you gotta be fully aware.

  19. Roy delivers like Dave Chapelle ..world awareness and punchline setups..Roy def studied Dave just like all greats study the greats …but talented in his own way.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.


*