Roy Wood Jr. – Uncle Luke & SEAL Team 6 Strippers – This Is Not Happening – Uncensored


– Here’s the best part.The front door of the Freak Bus
was a stripper’s booty, so when the door opened, it was
like a stripper booty opened, and then it’s strippers
walking out of a stripper. [laughter] And I’m 20 years old, and I’m standing there
and I’m just like, “Yo!” Welcome to “This is Not
Happening.” I’m your host, Roy Wood Jr. Now, tonight’s episode–
it’s not for the faint of heart. In fact, you might even
want to cover your ears. [jazz band plays note]
Because tonight… ♪ ♪ ♪ It’s about to get filthy ♪ ♪ Dirty,
maybe just a little purdy ♪ ♪ It’s about to be freaky ♪ ♪ Nasty ♪ ♪ Gonna make you want
to touch yourself ♪ ♪ I’m talking ’bout smut ♪ ♪ Talking ’bout sluts ♪ ♪ Talking ’bout putting stuff
in your butts ♪ ♪ It’s gonna get icky ♪ ♪ Tricky ♪ ♪ It’s about to get
a little sticky ♪ ♪ If you think
you can play ball ♪ ♪ Stick around,
it’s about to go down ♪ ♪ Let’s talk about filth ♪ ♪ Yeah, taking it from behind ♪ ♪ Dicks and tits and balls
and clits and assholes ♪ ♪ Everywhere ♪ ♪ Let me hear you say taint ♪
– Taint! – ♪ Ah, masturbate ♪
– Masturbate! – ♪ Snail trail ♪
– Snail trail! – ♪ Dutch oven! ♪
– Dutch oven! – ♪ Out comes the shotgun ♪
– Shotgun! – ♪ Golden shower ♪
– Golden shower! – ♪ The cha-cha ♪
– The cha-cha! – ♪ Rusty trombone,
Rusty trombone ♪ ♪ Girl on girl
on guy on guy ♪ ♪ Just don’t get it
in your eye ♪ ♪ Here we go, filth! ♪– Yeah, girl.
[cheers and applause] You know this man
from his work on “The Daily Show”
with Trevor Noah.Roy Wood, Jr.![cheers and applause]College, if nothing else, is an opportunity for you
to experience other cultures. I grew up
in Birmingham, Alabama. Birmingham in the ’90s
was very black and white. There wasn’t a lot of diversity
in the city. So when I went to college
in Tallahassee, this was my first time
experiencing all these different cultures
and foods and people. And music was the one thing that I really got
my nose open to, man, ’cause I thought it was just,
you know, Southern rap. I thought it was just Outkast and, you know, a little bit
of NWA, you know. And I got to college,
and my roommate Kuda, my homeboy, he put me
on the Wu-Tang Clan. [scattered cheers] It was dope.
I go, “Who are these dudes? Why do they think they ninjas?
Who are they?” [laughter] ‘Cause that’s what I thought
Wu-Tang was. Just a bunch of niggas
who think they Shaolin ninjas. [laughter] Yeah. But the most moving music
I got exposed to while I was in college
was Miami Bass. Miami Bass music was amazing. Hands down, Luther Campbell
of 2 Live Crew is the most important rapper
in the history of the genre. Matter of fact,
I’ll double down on that. Luther Campbell of 2 Live Crew, the most important musician
of the last 30 years, period. Last 30 years, Luther Campbell,
2 Live Crew– all they did was make songs
about sex. That’s it. Every song: sex. They had song titles like
“Pop That Coochie.” “Me So Horny,” “Throw the Dick.” “Doo Doo Brown.” I don’t know
what that one meant. [laughter] But the music was rhythmic,
and it was just– [imitating bass line] And you could always hear
a girl in the background of every Miami Bass song…
[imitating vocal hook] [alternating bass lines
and vocal hook] But I don’t know
if it was sex or singing. But you could hear it
in the bass. Oh, my God, the bass. The bass of this music, man. This is what originated,
white people. This is the stuff that was
shaking your car when a Cutlass
would pass by you in 1993… with a booming-ass system with that Miami Bass shit
rattling the trunk. [imitates bass line] Luther Campbell’s music
was so obscene that record store owners
were arrested for selling it. That’s how crazy it was
back in the day. So Luther Campbell decided
to be a little, you know– He decided to you know–
“You know what? “I got an idea
to keep these shop owners “from getting in trouble, “I’m gonna label my albums so that people know
that it’s vulgar.” He created what we know today as the Parental Advisory
sticker. He created that, nobody else. They still arrested him
for obscenity for performing hit songs,
such as “Throw That Dick”… [laughter] And “Pop That Coochie.” [laughter] But he was the only one
that was getting arrested that had the guts to take
the government head on, man. This dude took the government
head on and won. He won, and because of that, any performer
that you can name right now– the only reason you can
buy their shit like a regular fucking American
is because Luther Campbell fought for the First Amendment to be able to say
whatever the hell he wanted to say on a song. [cheers and applause] And… He said a lot
of freaky stuff. He had a van. I don’t even know
how to describe this, but he was a pioneer
of promotion as well. And any rap group
that you see now that has a van with all
of the logos wrapped and all the design–
Luther Campbell did it first. They had a freak van. That’s what it was called.
It was called Luke’s Freak Van. And the 2 Live Crew van, you’d be outside a nightclub
at 2:00 in the morning. And you could hear this van
coming from around the corner… with that booming-ass
bass subwoofer. The license plate rattling. [imitating bass line] [imitating vocal hook] [imitating bass line] And you’d go outside,
and you’d see this van turning the corner, and it had
the neon lights on the bottom. It had neon lights on the top. It was like one of them
Scooby-Doo kidnap vans. But it had partitions. There were Plexiglas partitions
in the back part of the van, where you could
look inside the glass, and inside the glass is a woman just shaking her ass. I’m 18 years old, and there is a van cruising by with half-naked women
just popping their ass. And I did what any 18-year-old
would have done. I chased this van… all the way up
West Tennessee Street. I’m running alongside
the Luke Freak Van, trying to get a glimpse. That’s what Luke Dancers
were about, man. Luke Dancers, they were like
the Seal Team Six of stripping. I don’t know how to–
how else to describe them, but it was just amazing stuff. And that was a lot
of my teenage years and college, was going to Luke shows and just watching all of this
debauchery unfold onstage. So imagine my delight
couple years later, I’m interning
at a radio station. And my boss comes up, he goes, “Hey,
I’m having a bachelor party, if you want to come to
this bachelor party.” I go, “Man, I’m 20.
Y-you cool?” And he says,
“I don’t care if you’re 20. Just come up.
There’s gonna be Luke Dancers.” [laughter] The Grinch-like smile
that came over my face when I found out I had
an opportunity to be in the same building
as the Luke Dancers! So I go to this party. Not only do I go to this party,
I iron clothes. I ironed an outfit like I was
going to impress a Luke Dancer with a crease in my khakis.
“Well, hello. Hello, Ms. Hip-Hop Stripper,
how are you doing?” So I go to this bachelor party, and I’m sitting in the corner. And I don’t know if you ever
been to a bachelor party before the strippers get there, but it’s very awkward. It’s very awkward. It’s 20, 30 men just all
sitting there, and they just– [heavy breathing] And they got their ones
in their hands. It’s like the DMV but freakier. It’s just–
[heavy breathing] [groaning] Nobody’s talking to each other. And then off in the distance,
we hear it. [imitates bass line] [imitates bass line
and vocal hook] And we all light up. Everybody in the room lit up. Like when you see
your daddy’s headlights break through the blinds, ’cause you know he’s taking you
to the fair this time. He didn’t lie. He actually
showed up like he promised. I’m sorry. Did I open up too
much right there? Was that– [laughter] We hear the music
of the Luke Van coming. We all rush outside,
and what bends the corner is not a van, but a bus! This motherfucker
had a freak bus! A huge charter bus comes
rolling down the street. [imitates bass line] Neon lights and the strobes
and the sparkles. It’s 10:00 at night
in a residential neighborhood, and there is a stripper house
rolling down the street. Here’s the best part,
here’s the best part. He had all the graphics
and stuff painted. He had 2 Live Crew
on the front. And you had women like this,
but the door– The front door of the Freak Bus
was a stripper’s booty, so when the door opened, it was
like a stripper booty opened, and then there’s people walking
out of a stripper booty. It’s strippers walking out
of a stripper. [laughter] And I’m 20 years old, and I’m standing there,
and I’m just like, “Yo!” What happens over
the next two hours… changed me. Not only did it change me,
it ruined strip clubs. I ain’t been to a strip club
but two times since. Like, it’s– It ain’t worth it.
I saw Seal Team Six. We get back in the house,
and they’re taking– I don’t even know how to
describe this tastefully, but fucking–
they was just– they had ice cubes, and they
just tossing ice cubes. And then another woman
would catch the ice cube and then she would toss the
ice cube like some hot potato. You ever seen
the Globetrotters? [laughter] How they pass it? [hums “Sweet Georgia Brown”] ♪ ♪ You’ve seen the
Globetrotters before. They– [hums “Sweet Georgia Brown”] They come out in the room. And, oh, my God, man. They’re taking alcohol,
and they’re pouring alcohol, and they lighting it,
and there’s flaming titties, and they’re dancing. They’re dancing
with flaming nipples. You got to remember,
this is 1997. This is still dial-up porn, so I’ve never… seen any of this. My only imagery of naked women
is, like, “Playboy,” and scrambled porn UHF. One of them pulled out
a pack of cigarettes. One of the strippers pulled out
a pack of cigarettes! And I’m watching this,
and I’m like, “Ma’am, where–what is gonna happen
with the cigarette?” And she smoked the cigarette! She smoked a cigarette! She gave herself
cervical cancer. Like, I don’t know how she– She smoked this cigarette. And I didn’t have any ones,
so I had to play the outside. So I’m just observing. And it’s weird
when you’re in the midst of something that chaotic. You can see all the calm points
in the room. And just over
the flaming titties, like, just over them, there’s a man, and I can’t
really make him out from that distance,
but there’s a man, and he’s sitting there, and he’s reading
a “Wall Street Journal.” I’m like, “How can somebody be
reading a ‘Wall Street Journal’? “They smoking cigarettes. “How are you… reading this
‘Wall Street Journal’?” So I inch closer to this man. And I get a little closer,
and I can make him out now. It’s Luther Campbell. And I’m trying to figure out
what to say to this guy, what to say to this man that’s done so much for me
at this point. [laughter] ‘Cause this is the same man who went all the way to
the Supreme Court, and he won. He legitimately changed
the face of not only music, but comedy. And you see that from across
the room, and it’s easy– it’s very easy to put people
in one box, you know? But it’s not fair, because
we can be many things. Is Luther Campbell a man
that built his career on some music
that a lot of people would consider disrespectful and misogynistic
to women? Absolutely.
You can make that argument. But you can also
make the argument that he was one of the most
important legal trailblazers in entertainment
in the last three decades. You can be both things. And I’m trying to figure out how to put that into the
shortest sentence possible, because I don’t want to
interrupt this man, and I-I really want to get
back to the flaming titties. [laughter] And I creep over to this man, and I’m trying to figure out
what to say. And before I could
open my mouth, Luther Campbell lowers
his “Wall Street Journal,” looks me dead in the eyes,
and goes, “You’re welcome.” [cheers and applause][dark electronic music]I’m Roy Wood, Jr.Thank you, guys.♪ ♪

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