The ‘Golden Girls’ When Betty White Banged A Guy To Death

October 11, 2019 Archibald Schiller Articles, Blog 100

The ‘Golden Girls’ When Betty White Banged A Guy To Death


– Rose and Al have been
dating for over a month and Al’s ready to make things
boots knockin’ official. But they can’t knock boots at
Al’s place, his sister’s home. Rose won’t let Al’s horny ass in, but he talks her into letting him come in, just a little, see how it feels. Rose doesn’t want her roomies to know she’s getting that work. Al promises he’ll be extra quiet and WILL NOT make any noises that sound like an orangutan on Adderall, slap boxing a trash bag full of yogurt. Rose wakes up the next
morning feeling gooooood. Dorothy says she must
have had some dreams, she woke up the whole house. Rose says it was a nightmare, not an inaccurate way to describe two olds slammin’ slippery uglies. Blanche says it sure is
funny how nightmares sound just like a wild boar
trying to eat fifty pounds of shredded chicken covered in jelly. Sophia says what up, then informs Rose there’s a man in her bed. – Rose got lucky! – Not so lucky, the man in your bed is dead. (people laughing) – Hilarious. Sophia was putting laundry
away, gave Al a what up, and got the cold shoulder, the VERY cold shoulder. He dead. Rose says he’s just shy, a claim refuted by everyone who heard his grunty
grunts mere hours ago. Dorothy tells Rose to check on her dude. Rose doesn’t want to wake him. Sophia says that ain’t gonna happen. Savage! Dorothy volunteers to
check on their stiff guest. But she needs a body buddy. Sophia says a little dead guy
in the morning ain’t no thing because Sophia is a real one. Aaaand yup. He dead. Dorothy wants to call the cops, but Rose is scared she’ll
catch a charge for vagicide. First things first, find Al’s sister Lucille in the phone book and tell her. But tell her what? The gals suggest he died “visiting”. just neglect to mention he
was on a sightseeing tour of Rose’s woman walls. Rose asks the Lucille in the phone book with Al’s last name if she
has a brother named Al. Uh, wrong number. Click. That wasn’t Al’s sister. That was Al’s WIFE. Al, you dirty dirty dog. Sophia says that’s what guys like Al get. Sophia don’t play. Dorothy tells Rose to do the right thing and tell this stranger
you banged her husband into an early grave. Rose tries to tell Mrs. Beatty about her ass assassination. But Lucille says lemme guess, Al humped ya, then Al dumped ya, and now you’re here to revenge tattle. No surprise, AL BEEN cheating. Al slept with the maid on their honeymoon. Secretaries, school teachers,
babysitters, neighbors. Al laid enough pipe in the
Southeastern United States to start his own oil company. Rose is flabbergasted
to learn of Al’s hoery but she’s not here for
the Body Count Podcast. Rose reveals Al died last night of what appears to be a heart attack or possibly a fatal case of empty balls, the doctors just don’t know yet. Miss Beatty says that’s impossible. Al was healthy as a horse. Health was one of his top
two horse-like attributes. Then things get very real. – I’m talking so it can’t be
true, you know what I mean? If I keep talking, it isn’t true. All I have to do is talk forever. Oh, God. This was the 15th episode of Golden Girls. The Golden Girls went hard as hell. Rose says it’s all her fault. This is not the first time she’s woken up next to six feet of morning wood. Her late husband also
died in bed from PCCCC, post-cheek clapping
cardiovascular collapse. Rose vows to never date again. So her sweet loving
won’t murk another gent. Lucille interrupts her
pouty party to remind Rose that her husband just died, cheating, with Rose. So maybe now’s not the best time to make this all about you
and your cursed vagina. The gals try to get Rose
to come square dancing. Maybe meet a nice man. Rose doesn’t want to kill again. Dorothy wonders if
she’ll be safe all alone. Sophia says if anyone breaks in, just sleep with the poor bastard. Sophia for three points from downtown. Count it, it’s good. Lucille swings by to tell
Rose the autopsy revealed Al’s arteries were crazy
clogged from his unhealthy diet. Apparently babysitters are
super high in cholesterol. And despite Rose’s concerns Al probably fucking– – Killed himself. – Lucille’s just glad he died
with a roof over his head, next to a caring person, doing what he loved, banging randoms. Rose has her first date
since Al but she is SPOOKED. Blanche tells her to take a deep breath, relax, and go do some ho shit because it’s the goddamn weekend and weekends are for ho shit. The gals want details. Rose says they fuuuucked… then Ernie DIED! Then the sheriff showed up and she told him men die
after sleeping with her. So the sheriff said prove it. Then they fuuuuuucked and then the SHERIFF died. Psych! She was just goofing about the deaths. She really did get busy
with a man named Ernie and also a sheriff but
it was a consensual party and everyone had a blast. Especially the guy who filmed it. So what did we learn today? If a man refuses to take
you back to his place for booty time, he’s
probably hiding a wife. And relationships are complicated. A woman can get cheated
on her entire marriage and still stand by and love
her dirty dog dead husband. And don’t blame yourself
if you wake up one morning and your partner in slime doesn’t. Even if it happens twice in your life, which admittedly is a bit odd. Because people die every day
and vagina curses aren’t real. You just gotta pick yourself up and go do ho shit on the weekends because weekends are for ho shit. See you next time on
A Very Special Episode.

100 Comments

  1. Previously on A Very Special Episode: The 'Step by Step' when the hot teacher seduced J.T.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z2H05T_iaA

    Reply

  33. I've been saying this for years and always got strange looks from my friends, but Golden Girls was actually really funny.

    Reply

  36. Post-Cheek Clapping Cardiovascular Collapse is a very serious occurence. Please spread awareness to the elderly that if they're still feeling horny and got the heart condition of a walking corpse to not bang. It ain't gonna end well.

    Reply

  61. They don’t go to Al’s house because his “sister” was home, so it was better to go to Roses house where there were three other women.

    Reply

  76. Has no one else ever wondered what Rose did in the bedroom to cause two men to have heart attacks? I’m kind of curious. Also, on an episode of Cheers there was a waitress who claimed she also killed her husband’s by having sex with them and that men would reguarly pass out when she slept with them.. what does one do, to make that happen?

    Reply

  99. You have sex with someone and fall asleep and when you wake up, that person is dead. key laugh track because that situation isn’t traumatizing at all.

    Reply

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