The ‘Golden Girls’ When Santa Held Them Hostage At Gunpoint

The ‘Golden Girls’ When Santa Held Them Hostage At Gunpoint


(gentle music) – [Narrator] Blanche checks for roomies. Coast is clear to bang Santa. Blanche a freak! Dorothy’s complainalouging to Rose that Christmas is too commercial, but gets interrupted by a bearded Blanche. Santa is a freak, too. Blanche picked up this random at the mall, and brought him home on his
break to deck the walls. Rose sends his back to
his kids-on-the-lap job, harder than final level Tetris. Blanche explains Santas
make her extremely horny, then graphically details how
much she wants to bone down with every fat bearded
man wearing that red suit. Sophia stole Dorothy’s
credit card to buy gifts. Casual elderly theft:
the only perk of old age, and because of Sophia’s jack move, everyone’s getting the
expensive shit they want. – Oh, it’s gonna be the
best Christmas ever! – [Narrator] Dorothy whines. Christmas is about love. Boo! Rose suggests they gift
each other meaningful, homemade garbage before going home to be with their respective families. Sophia says nuts to that. Catch me at the mall, bitch. Blanche made everyone calendars, featuring a man a month she’s knocked nasties with this year. – I’m surprised you were
able to walk in October. – [Narrator] Merry Christmas,
from these old ladies, ogling gargantuan dongs. Rose is helping sad,
mentally unstable dudes at the Crisis Center on Christmas Eve. Dorothy and Blanche say, we
gotta get to the airport. Captain Save-a-Bro needs more time. Dorothy says, enough is enough. Sophia’s waiting, and they’re
gonna miss their flights. But Blanche, forever horny
for Santa, gets dickstracted. Yo, Santa is strapped. They hand over cash, but
their money’s no good here. Santa is lonely, and just
wants to spend Christmas with people, any people,
by any means necessary. See, he loves Christmas,
but nobody ever invites him to play in any reindeer games. Gee, wonder why. He seems so chill and reasonable. The gals need a plan. Blanche volunteers to
bend over, all sexy like, and while Santa’s ogling her caboose, Dorothy and Rose will karate chop him. Santa breaks up the plan
party to say, years ago, when he had a problem that’s
clearly all better now, he spent a lot of time in
this center, good times, now he’s back for more. Rose has had it. She is not shocked she
spends Christmas by himself. He sucks. People don’t like hanging
with people who suck unless you’re related, in which case, you still don’t like it,
you just kind of have to. Sophia’s been waiting. What gives? Uh, Sophia, gun. Sophia, the OGG, Original
Gangster Grandma, says that’s a toy, and adds,
Dorothy should be ashamed to call herself Italian
and not be able to tell a firearm from a plaything. Sophia runs these streets like a marathon. Santa hits a new low. He can’t even hold hostages right. Rose says that stuff from
before, how he’s a bad person? She didn’t mean it. He’s not bad; just a loser, a nominal bump up the list
of shit you don’t wanna be. Bye! The gals barely make it when
due to a Christmas Eve storm, all flights are canceled. A man offers Sophia a flower. He picked the wrong one on the wrong day. She yells him and his flower
the fuck up out of there. Blanche is telling one of her many tales about a time she blew a
stranger, but on Christmas. The waiter makes casual,
light conversation that he wishes he could
be with his family, but no one else is available
to feed old ladies cake. They can’t be with their families, either, then have an a-ha moment
that wait a second, they’re kinda like a family, a realization that should
not be so surprising as 50% of them are blood relatives. They wish each other all
a very merry Christmas. Sophia’s not tolerating
this sappy bullshit. They have an idea to help. How ’bout he goes home,
and entrusts this business to four women he’s never met? – Can you cook?
– Are you black? – [Narrator] He leaves before Sophia has any followup questions. It’s snowing in Miami,
a Christmas miracle, unless you’re talking about cocaine. So what did we learn today? Christmas can be lonely, but
that doesn’t give you the right to hold up folks at gunpoint
to keep you company, but if you must go that
route, use a real gun because you’ll be alone again as soon as murder’s off the table, and there are people out there
who just wanna bang Santa. They exist, they freaks, and seriously, don’t travel on Christmas Eve. Who does that? And a family’s just a group
of people you share meals and traumatic experiences with. See you next time on A
Very Special Episode.

100 Comments

  1. "Except if your family, then just kind of have to." Not anymore. When your adult you can cut anyone out of your life that brings pain. Its easier then you think. And my life has never been happier.

  2. So Blanche gave everyone a book of dicks, lol what??? That’s almost inappropriate, I hope she told those men what she was going to do with their dick pics.

  3. Ever since I was little I was sure that bea Arthur was a male. 🙋🏼‍♂️I still think so. She looks like tony Curtis in some like it hot but no one is hot!

  4. I hate those episodes when they have to travel on Christmas eve and everybody else is so happy at their workplace missing out….🤬🤬🖕🖕

  5. lol i always loves sophia, she was sooo badass. can you cook?? are you black??? omg that had me and my fiance rolling. my fiance loves the golden girls. she said omg i cant believe i never seen that episode.
    everyday, theres like a golden girls marathon on, and her being her she has to watch it, and me loving her like i do i watch it with her lol

  6. You should do all in the family, edith almost gets raped. Probably the realest 48 minutes in television and the worst use of a laugh track EVER.

  7. "So what did we learn today?"
    Sophia was the main reason anyone watched this show. Followed up with Betty White being amazing at anything she does. Sliced bread is the best thing since Betty White!

  8. You just reminded me of the movie, bad Santa
    Plus there was a sequel as well : bad Santa part 2

  9. The owner of the diner was the same actor who played the man they met at the homeless shelter in that one episode. They did that with the actor who played Miles, too.

  10. 2:15 – if you doubt her OGG cred , watch the film "Stop or My Mom will Shoot" (seriously. Estelle Getty stars in this movie).

  11. There's also a Golden Girls episode where it talks about Rose's pill addiction and the other girls keep literally telling her to go to rehab, sounds like the perfect candidate for this show

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